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He goes, "Yeah, once a week.

"They take us in rooms

by ourselves,

and they say, 'M1, M2, M3?

M1, M2, M3?"'

I go, "What's that?"

"Masturbation once,

masturbation twice,

"masturbation three times.

"So many times, you're out.

"You're Xed.

You're home.

"You're off your mission.

You can't get married

in the temple."

I go, "Kirk, these people

are controlling your sex drive.

"They're controlling your mind.

They're controlling your food.

You can't have coffee,

tea, or Pepsi-Cola."

There was

a Christian marriage manual,

which I bought, which

explained sex to young virgins.

There was a section in there

on sexual impotence.

Im-po-tence.

L- M-P-O-T-E-N-C-E.

And it said sometimes if a guy

was very repressed sexually,

which poor Kirk was,

Lord knows,

that you could

tie the person up,

and they could say,

"Ah, I'll let go."

You know, "I can finally let go

and make love."

And so I went, and I read

that section really quick,

speed-read it.

And I come back and I said,

"Honey, we're going to try

some of these exercises."

And so we did.

We made love, actually,

for three days.

We sort of, like,

didn't get out of bed.

It was the honeymoon,

was what it was for me.

I wanted us

to have a good sex life.

I wanted to be a good wife

to Kirk,

and I wanted to give him

lots of babies in my tummy.

I didn't look at sex

as a bad thing with him.

I looked at it as

a melting of two souls,

because when he kissed me,

it was like we melted

into one person.

It was like I didn't know

where I stopped and he began.

We were lying there,

holding hands,

and his little missionary

glasses were kind of askew.

And he goes, "Guess

we're married in God's eyes."

I go, "Yup, we are."

He says, "Guess we better

make it official."

He said, "Let's go into London,

and let's get married."

We took the rental car,

and we went into town,

to London,

and we saw Trafalgar Square.

They had, like, pigeons.

We fed the pigeons.

And so I said, "Oh, Kirk.

"We've got this cool cafe

we want to take you to.

It's called the Hard Rock Cafe."

And there were cops

running around everywhere.

What do they call 'em,

bobbies or whatever?

British cops.

If Kirk felt kidnapped

at any time, he could have said,

"Hey, this little pint-sized

girl here has me kidnapped.

Can you please help me,

'occifer'?"

But he didn't.

Kirk says, "Well, I'm gonna go

over across the street

and get a newspaper."

So he went over, by himself,

got a newspaper,

came back to the table,

slammed that newspaper down

on the table.

He's white as a ghost.

And we said, "What's wrong?"

It was so shocking.

It sounded like Scotland Yard

was after us or something.

And I'm sitting there

with my "kidnap victim"

eating a burger

with a hundred people

in a crowded tourist restaurant.

Kirk says,

"Well, maybe if I call 'em

and let them know

I'm alive and okay."

He says, "Oh, they're

gonna ask me about sex.

"Oh, they're gonna ask me

about sex.

What am I gonna say?

They're gonna ask me about sex."

I says,

"Can't you just tell them?"

"Oh, no, I can't!

Can't tell 'em we had sex!

Oh, they'll excommunicate me.

Oh, my mother will be so mad."

We called his mother.

We called my dad.

We called from the phone booth

at Trafalgar Square.

Kirk said to my dad,

"Mr. McKinney,

I love your daughter,

and I'm gonna marry her."

And my dad said,

"Welcome to the family, son."

When we called his mother,

I could hear her screeching

across the Atlantic.

"Oh, you've ruined

your eternal progression!

"Don't you know

what you've done?

"How could you get involved

with that girl?

You've not had sex with her,

have you?"

The mission president was,

"Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Oh, you've been kidnapped,"

and da, da, da.

And Kirk could hardly

get a word in edgewise.

He'd say, "But I'm really okay,

President Eyre."

"When the news media...

Kirk hung up, and he goes,

"You know, they've got

Scotland Yard and the FBI.

"How about if I just go back in,

and you guys stay here,

"so they can't do nothing like

arrest you guys or anything,

and I go back in

and show 'em I'm okay."

And I'll never forget that day.

It was a real Kodak moment.

Victoria Station in those days

had a beautiful

old-fashioned train

that pulled out

with one of those...

And the last thing I remember

of Kirk Number 1 is,

he got on the train,

and he mouthed the words,

"I love you."

And I go,

"I love you too, baby."

If Kirk went away

with Joyce willingly...

and had sex with her...

the guilt that would come over

him so strongly after the fact

could be overwhelming.

K.J. And I turned

and walked away,

and he goes, "Don't worry.

"He'll be okay.

He loves you.

You got the man you love.

What you worried about?"

I says, "I don't know, K.J.

Some nagging feeling.

I'm worried."

So we went back to the cottage,

and we packed everything up.

I remember

I had my wedding dress,

a pretty white dress

I was gonna use for our wedding.

Put flowers in my hair.

Also, our wedding bands

with our names engraved inside.

It said, "Joyce and Kirk.

He lift thee, and thee lift me,

and we will ascend together."

Even after we grew old

and died,

we would rise into the heavens

together as man and wife.

This bizarre story

began here last Wednesday.

Kirk Anderson,

a young Mormon missionary

was talking outside to a man

with a Canadian accent.

He then disappeared.

But early today,

he phoned police

and told them he was kidnapped.

A blanket had been placed

over his head.

He'd been driven to a house

where he'd been blindfolded

and his legs shackled.

When I got back

to my apartment in Long Beach,

the landlady called me in

and said the Long Beach Homicide

Department had been there,

and they wanted me to come down

to the police station.

And that really freaked me out.

Why the Homicide Department,

I don't know.

I told them everything.

Then we went down,

had a cup of coffee.

Then they asked me to come back

and tell 'em again,

the same story.

They had tape recorded

the first time I said it,

and they wanted to make sure

that when I told it

a second time,

it was exactly the same story,

which it was.

I told 'em the truth.

They got kind of a big kick

out of it,

considering

they hadn't found him yet,

about the whole story.

The Manacled Mormon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what it boiled down to.

I was a Mormon missionary

in Exeter, okay?

This is in Devon.

And I was at

a church member's house,

and they were a younger couple.

And they sort of sat down

and told us the whole story

of Joyce McKinney

and the Manacled Mormon.

It reminds me

of those cultures

that have stories

of the vagina dentata,

the women

with the toothed vagina.

They become cautionary tales

about sexual impropriety,

the dangerous powers of women,

women that can seduce

a young missionary

who are on God's errand.

Young men, once they receive

what's called

the Melchizedek priesthood,

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