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Tabloid Page #5
they are endowed with power
from on high.
They go through... we go through...
I went through
an elaborate "endowment"
through the Mormon Temples
where we received
sacred underwear
and sacred knowledge
of keys to heaven.
You reenact
the Garden of Eden scenario,
and there's an actor
that performs Lucifer.
And he says in a menacing tone,
"Those of you
who don't live up
"to the covenants that you make
"on the altar of the temple
this day
will be in my power."
And one of the covenants that
you make is the law of chastity,
that you will only have
sexual relationships
with he or she to whom you are
legally and lawfully wedded.
"Manacled Mormon Sex Slave"
wrecks that, doesn't it?
Completely wrecks that.
If Kirk Anderson was
he will have violated
his temple covenants,
violated the law of chastity.
What he risks is excommunication
from the church,
and greater than that,
unless he repents,
he won't be able to, ultimately,
become a god
and have his own planet.
That is Mormon theology.
That's what
they're working towards.
I had an answering service.
It said,
"but I finally got 'em
off my back.
"I still love you.
"Call me.
Urgent.
Epsom 25724.
Urgent."
So I called the number,
and some Mormon answered.
"Who is this?
What do ya want?"
Very suspicious voice.
And I said,
"I want to talk to Kirk...
I mean Elder Anderson."
So I said, "This is
Sister... Helmsley calling
regarding the baptism
for my daughter Millie."
Millie was my sheepdog,
and I knew Kirk would know that.
And I said, "Honey,
where do you want to meet?"
He says, "About 2:00."
I said, "Don't say where it is
over the phone."
He goes, "Okay."
I was worried about
an extension phone.
It went further than that.
It was a phone tap.
On my way to meet him,
I remember me and K.J.
Were going along the motorway,
and I'm singing, "I'm getting
married in the morning!"
And I'm so happy.
I'm so...
I was just like a young bride
on her honeymoon.
I was just so full
of so much love for him.
These cop cars
ran us off the road.
off the road.
And then when they threw us up
against the police car and said,
"You're under arrest
for false imprisonment
and carrying away
Kirk Anderson,"
I couldn't believe it.
It was just, like, shock.
The law was required
to take seriously an act
involving a woman with a gun,
pointing it at a priest.
Forcing him... although
this was a sort of fantasy...
forcing him into a car
and spread-eagling him to a bed
and having sex with him.
I mean, there are
so many crimes, possible crimes,
involved in all of that,
and yet someone...
everyone suspected
there wasn't really
a crime here at all.
Scenario number one
is Kirk's story:
Fake gun, chloroform, kidnapped,
tied up, forced to have sex.
The second version
is Joyce's story.
They were gonna be married.
They were gonna have children.
He needed to escape
from the Mormon Church.
She goes to rescue him.
They rush away
and have this magical,
wonderful night...
weekend together.
And then they get him.
They brainwash him,
and all of a sudden,
he's claiming rape.
The third scenario
is something in between.
There was a consensual aspect
to his getaway with her.
But then somewhere
along the line,
he had second thoughts.
And he wanted it to stop,
and it didn't.
Do you think a woman
can rape a man?
No, I think
that's like putting
a marshmallow
in a parking meter.
I don't... a guy either wants
to have sex, or he doesn't.
He has an erection,
or he doesn't.
in Holloway Prison,
the famous women's prison
in London.
There was
that they would slide open with
just a little slit of light.
maybe once a day and say,
"Are you ready to sign
a confession?"
I kept screaming,
"Please get Kirk!
Please get Kirk!"
I beat my fists bloody
on this cold, steel prison door
screaming,
"Please, somebody get Kirk!"
There was a picture of her
in all the papers
looking out of the back
of a police van.
She had scrawled
on a piece of paper,
which she was holding up
to press,
"Kirk was cooperative
all along."
When I went
to the prison library,
I got a Bible,
and in the back of the Bible,
there was two white pages
of blank paper,
almost like God put it there.
two blank pages out of my Bible:
One to my parents,
and one to the press.
I put them up inside...
I hate to sound gross,
but I put one in my vagina
and one in my rectum.
I got out in the prison van,
in the Black Mama,
and I pushed 'em out.
I grunted them out, and I popped
them out the window.
And this man saw them, and I go,
"Pick it up.
Pick it up."
And he goes like...
"Pick it up.
Mail it.
Mail it."
You know, I was trying
to motion to him,
'cause I knew he couldn't
hear me inside the prison van,
to mail it at the post office.
And he goes...
"Please, please,
please mail it."
And so he mailed it,
and of course, the next time
I go back for my bail hearing,
I asked my lawyer.
I said, "Look, if you
can't talk, would you let me?
"'Cause I can sure talk.
Let me tell people
what happened."
So I got up there,
and I had 'em laughing.
I had 'em crying.
I had 'em throwing spitballs
at the Mormons, you know?
Thank God for all those years
of drama school.
Thank you!
Everyone was just mesmerized
by her performance.
I mean, there was no sense
of fear or shame or anything.
She just took on the court
with great confidence,
and she said,
"I loved him so much,
Mount Everest nude
with a carnation up my nose
for the love of that man."
There was standing room only.
There were little old ladies
ogling for places to stand!
The banners outside...
"Free Joyce! Free Joyce!"
wigs sitting there, you know,
unable to comprehend
any of this.
And there was nothing
in the statute books
which would deal with it.
They're so prim and proper,
you know.
They wear these little
powdered wigs,
which look like
dumb little hats,
and they sit up and down
One of the questions
they ask him was,
"Did you ask for a back rub?"
And he said, "Yes."
And they said,
"Was it cinnamon oil
that she rubbed on your back?"
And he goes, "Yes,"
like he had remembered,
"Well, that was nice."
They ask him, "Were you willing
or unwilling?"
And he did that like really fast
and looked at the head Mormon
right on the front row.
He jerked his head
really fast like,
"What am I supposed to say?"
And the head Mormon went like,
"You say what we told you
to say," like that.
And he goes, "I was unwilling!
I was unwilling."
"Were you unwilling
all seven times?"
"Well, I wasn't as unwilling
the third time
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"Tabloid" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/tabloid_19290>.
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