Tag Page #2

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BOB:
Yeah, and if you do

manage to catch him,

then he goes feral and turns into

some kind of crazy wild animal.

(GROWLS)

HOGAN:
And if you manage

to trap the wild animal,

he still finds a way.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

REBECCA:

What just happened there?

To this day, I have no idea.

No idea.

He's the best

that ever played. Yeah.

Yeah.

And now he wants to retire

with a perfect record,

make us all look like fools.

- Fools!

- He gets very excited.

There he is.

- Wait, you're not leaving.

- Look, Miss Crosby, I apologize.

I will have someone from my

office reach out to you.

We will reschedule this

as soon as I'm back in town.

Nope.

- Nope?

- No. Change of plan.

I'm coming with you.

This is a story.

- What? No.

- Yes. This is the coolest game ever.

I don't think that's gonna be

her angle.

I don't know

what my angle is,

but I do find it very interesting

that we live in a world

where grown men

take an entire month

out of every year

to play a child's game.

It's very interesting.

You're right. Let's go.

I don't think she means

interesting in a good way.

- Get in, Bob.

- Fine! F*** it, I'm going.

(WATER BUBBLING)

(COUGHING)

All right,

it's all ready for you, Dad.

Hey! Thank you. Thank you.

I'll be honest with you.

Ever since my wife died,

you've really been the rock

holding me down.

So, thank you.

Well, I appreciate that...

(MUMBLES)

But your wife is not dead.

She's dead to me.

What?

- (BOTH LAUGHING)

- Yeah.

- That's right.

- That's right.

Listen to me.

"To live in the past is

to die in the present."

Now, who said that?

- You did.

- Bill Belichick said that!

God love him. Yes, sir.

All right, I'm gonna get us

more weed.

God bless you, son.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Damn, that was fast!

- Hey!

- Hey, Anna.

- Hey, Chilli. How are you?

- Good, nice to see you.

What are you doing here?

I was... Um...

Was walking by

and thought I'd pop in

and say hi to you and Roger.

Yeah, we're doing great.

Where's Hoagie?

Oh, um...

He's um... You know...

- Oh, sh*t!

- Hogan's in the library.

Dad, what month is it?

May.

Mmm-mmm.

You're not getting by me.

(GRUNTS AND SCREAMS)

Anna, are you okay?

He's loose! He's loose!

F*** it. Hogan, honey,

he's coming.

He's heading down

the east stairwell.

(CHILLI SCREAMS)

- Hey. Hogan!

- Hey, Chilli!

I haven't seen you in a while, man.

How's everything?

Pretty good.

Yeah, what about you?

- Everything's good, man. Yeah, work.

- You sure?

I mean, I'm going through that divorce,

but everything's fine. It's fine.

Hey, also, side note. Stop

bringing your wife into this, man.

That's bullshit. She's way

too intense for the game.

You're just jealous

'cause she's such a badass.

She's my secret weapon. Kind of

worked 'cause you're trapped.

- Am I trapped?

- Yeah.

I am? (SCREAMS)

Damn you, Chilli!

(GRUNTS AND SCREAMS)

HOGAN:
(SCREAMS) No!

Jesus, Chilli! That's trash!

F*** me!

Hey, Martin!

Hi. Sorry.

(GRUNTS)

(GROANING)

Excuse me, Mrs. Martin, coming through.

Coming through.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Oh, my God!

I'm so sorry. So sorry.

Wow. Okay.

- Get him, Andy!

- (ANDY SCREAMS)

(PANTING)

Chilli, Chilli, Chilli...

HOGAN:
Chilli! No, no, no!

No! No!

(CHILLI GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

(COUGHS)

Oh, f***!

- You okay, buddy?

- (CHILLI COUGHS)

Oh, just great. Great.

You ain't getting me today, man.

I'm not losing.

- There's only one problem, Chilli.

- Oh, yeah? What's that?

I'm not it.

- The f*** you mean you're not it?

- I am, motherf***er!

(GRUNT AND MOANS)

- It! Come on, get up.

- Goddamn!

- You all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- You took a pretty big hit there. My God.

- Yeah, I thought I got away.

- Set him up. Knock him down.

- Oh, my God!

- Good idea.

- All right, fair and square. I'm it, right?

- Yes.

- And now you're it.

- Nope.

- Yeah.

Nope. I'm not taking it.

No, I'm not. No!

- No.

- We're not...

Guys, we're too old...

No, don't start hitting.

No, no, you're it.

I don't know who...

HOGAN:
You're it.

- Guys, guys, guys!

- This is ridiculous.

Son of a b*tch!

You sack punched me!

Yeah, you went crazy,

and now you're it.

- Sorry.

- Okay, I'm it.

- ALL:
Truce, truce, truce.

- Deal.

This isn't about us anyway.

This is the year we get Jerry.

- No, we're not gonna get Jerry.

- No, That's what you think.

- I said the same thing. We got a plan, all right?

- (CAR HONKS)

Guys! Guys, let's go.

She's so intense, man.

She takes it too far.

You know what?

If it wasn't for me,

you guys would be day drunk playing

mini-golf with 12-year-olds.

Let's go. I know where Sable is.

Get in the car, ladies.

Yeah, we're going right to the

airport, so grab a bag, grab a...

- A toothbrush or whatever.

- I'm good. Let's go.

- Really?

- Wow!

- That's gross.

- He's gung-ho. That's good.

Hey, Rebecca,

we're gonna go get Sable now.

Who is Sable?

KEVIN:
I know you think

she's not cheating on me.

But what about

the possibility of

her knowing that I'm following

her to Pilates class,

and on the days when it's not

Pilates class

that's when she has all the

free time to ride random dick.

Okay, riding d*cks.

Kevin, you're really focused

on other d*cks.

But what about yours?

- What about you?

- If you don't focus on the other d*cks,

those d*cks will plug up

the places you wanna go.

What about mentally going into

each of those holes

and unplugging

every one of those d*cks.

Pulling out, pulling out,

pulling out, pulling out.

And then you have a clear mind.

Dickless.

Well, I'm paranoid that my original

paranoia might turn on my paranoia.

It sounds like there are some

fundamental trust issues.

You can't trust anybody.

I don't think

anyone's out to get you.

I don't think

anyone is following you.

- (THUD)

- CHILLI:
(IN DISTANCE) I can't take it anymore.

I can't take it.

I can't listen to this.

Are you shushing me?

Stop!

What the f***?

Oh, wow!

- Doc!

- You're there.

Hi, Hogan. Nice to meet you.

Bob Callahan. How do you do?

- Sorry, this is a terrible idea.

- Who are you?

- We're friends of Sable's.

- (LAUGHING)

We thought it'd be really

funny to hide in there

but then we overheard

way too much.

Yeah, buddy, you're clearly

going through a lot of sh*t.

All right, get here, man.

And, also, you're it.

I don't care. I miss you.

How are you, buddy?

- I'm good.

- Yup.

- Now you're it.

- I know, I know, I'm it.

Anyway, yeah, we came to

get you, so, come on.

- Sable.

- Come on.

I got 40 minutes

left in the session.

- So what? This is important.

- Yeah.

Pack your bags.

We're goin' home.

I don't have my bags here.

BOB:
Yeah, we know.

HOGAN:
Obviously.

- For f***'s sake.

- I know that...

We'll just go by your house

and get your stuff.

You should've just went

to my house in the first place

if we were gonna go

to my house anyway.

- This seemed like a better idea.

- It was a whole bit! Let's go.

Yeah, come on,

we'll figure it out.

Okay, you'll still owe me

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