Taking Woodstock Page #5

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man I wanted to see.

You know,

I'm getting the feeling

that we're really

going to be able to use

your community

relations skills.

My what skills?

Because, Elli, the rumors

are already swirling,

and we need to put a local

face on the reality here.

And you, Elli,

are a local face.

I'm a local face, yes,

but about these violations.

There's not a hotel around for

miles that could pass inspection.

Those inspector dudes?

Don't worry about that, Elli.

Tisha told me all about those

guys. Just give us the papers.

We've got some

heavy lawyers. Right?

Heavy lawyers. Right.

Because right now,

Elli, I need you to focus

on the positive message

that we're sending.

You know, rapping with

the local townspeople,

finding some time

with some of the papers here.

Wait, you mean like

a press conference?

A press conference. Yeah.

Radical idea, Elli. I love it.

No, actually, you don't.

Me and public speaking,

I can guarantee you,

not one of my strong suits.

I'm speaking from

experience here.

Hey, Michael. Hey. I

want you to meet somebody.

Let me introduce

you to Reverend Don.

He's helping with

our community outreach

and he'd love it if

you could help him

get to know the locals. Hi.

It's really great to meet you.

I don't know how

much Michael's told you,

but we're thinking

of putting on

a little free concert

for the local people here,

and we thought it

would be a great idea to

include a scene from

your theater company.

Do you think

they'd be open to it?

Yeah, they'd love that. But

you said it's for the locals?

Because the play's

very contemporary. Cool.

Hey, hey, you guys,

the phones are alive.

Mike.

Hey, your dad wants you.

I'll get some paint, but they're

just going to do it again.

They set foot here again,

I break their heads.

Dad, let me call...

Call who? That little

putz in the green shirt,

he's the son of

that state trooper.

I could boil him and his

putz of a father in tar.

Just, Dad, let's just get this

painted before Mom sees it.

Then you can start

warming up the tar.

Thanks.

Put some more of

those in the cooler.

Dad, this is all we got.

You didn't order more?

I did. And I called Karpen's,

too, for the kitchen.

I asked them all to

bring 10 times our usual.

Well, when they

come tomorrow,

you tell them to

bring 20 times more.

No, 30 times.

Where are we

going to put it all?

These people, they eat

and drink like animals,

and there's more of

them every minute.

It doesn't matter where we

put it. It'll be gone in a day.

Yes?

Couple of Buds, please.

$2. Thank you.

You got that thing working? Yeah.

Don't touch those wires.

Let's see what you got

to put on. Nothing much.

Judy Garland live. Haven't

heard this in a long time.

It's hard to

believe she's gone.

Actually, I can believe

it. I met her once.

Wow. Was she fun?

She was brimming over.

I'm Elliot.

Hey. Paul. Construction. You

seen the stage we're building?

No.

It's huge.

Wow. Do you want

another beer?

No, thanks.

I've got a thing going

with some Lebanese Red

right now.

Your old man doesn't mind

if we light up in here?

He can't smell.

Too much roofing tar.

Cool.

Cool.

More. More, come on.

Okay, okay.

Good. Good, good, good.

$40.

Ma.

Ma. Tisha says you're trying to charge

extra for pillows and soap again.

We talked about this.

Don't accuse me!

I got nothing to sell anyway,

not even toilet paper!

Which leads me to ask, where

do you think all these people

you're renting space to are

going to do their business?

You've got to stop, Ma.

Enough with the money.

We just paid

off the mortgage.

Think about it!

Can't you just be happy?

What're you doing?

What're you doing?

Hey!

No! No!

No shtupping in the bushes! Ma, come on.

Come on.

Excuse me, when does

the ticket office open?

Not yet! Soon!

Good morning. You must be

the lovely wife and child.

What's up, Dad?

We were just

telling your pops here

it looks like you guys are

getting some nice business.

Yeah?

So, it looks like

you can use some help.

He's talking

nonsense, Elli.

Something about exclusive

transportation and security for $10,000.

I get it. No, you

don't get it. We get it.

You got live entertainment

happening here, beverages, etcetera.

Yeah. We cover the hotels around the

racetrack in Monticello. We cover you.

And what if I say

you don't?

Charlie, what do we

do if he says we don't?

You're trespassers. Get

out, or I make you get out.

Is that so?

You hear this?

Enough with these bums!

Dad, what're you doing? Stop.

Hey, come on. Hey!

No, stop!

Come on, get...

Christ almighty!

Go on.

Get out of here!

Jesus! You people

are like animals.

Get out!

Get out of my property!

I'll show you!

Get off my property!

Get out! Don't try

to come back here!

Next time we

won't be so nice!

My arthritis is killing me. I told

you not to stand at the bar all night.

Dad, Ma,

you're superheroes.

Far out.

You didn't

tell me anything.

How would you know what

I tell you? You're deaf.

Hey, Elliot.

Hey.

What do you think

of the mess we're making?

It's...

Wonderful, isn't it?

It is. Yeah, Max.

I'm just sorry everyone

in town hates our guts now.

Yours more than mine.

If that's even possible.

Sorry? Hell,

these kids are fantastic.

I've heard more thank yous and

pleases in the past three days

than I've heard in a

lifetime from those shmucks.

And believe me,

no matter what they tell you,

they're all trying to make

money off this thing, too.

I saw Bob charge

a dollar to fill a bottle

with water for

one of these kids.

A dollar?

Yeah, can you believe it?

A dollar. For water. Geez.

Four extra.

Four.

Yeah.

Elliot. You're

Elliot Tiber, right?

Yeah, that's me.

How can I help you, Miss... Vilma.

Vetty Von Vilma,

but you can call me Vilma.

Vilma.

What brings you here?

I'm supposed to

say hi from Steve.

Steve?

From the Village?

Steven?

He's gone now.

Off to San Francisco with a flower

in his hair on his sugar daddy's lap.

Yeah. Actually, my ex-sugar daddy.

Good riddance. He does

like them mean and rich,

doesn't he, our Steven?

He's very...

Anyhow, he said you might be starting

some sort of a gay resort here.

Well, resorting as well as

reclining is my specialty.

And as I was on my way to

visit my mother in Buffalo,

I thought I'd stop by.

Look what I stumbled into.

By the way, those clowns you and

your dear parents chased off...

Not nice people. I know.

I was playing the horses,

if you know what I mean,

over by the racetrack

in Monticello.

Nice bedroom community,

actually,

until that bunch tried to

confiscate my earnings.

You think they'll

be back? Here?

All I can say is you need

help. What kind of help?

Oh. Um...

That's nothing. You should

see what I'm packing up here.

My God.

I know.

But keeping to the subject

at hand for the moment,

you do need some real security

around here. And you're real security?

What?

Well, you don't look...

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