Tales of Halloween Page #4

You're an a**hole!

Trick or treat, a**hole.

Okay, all right.

I say we drive

till the sun comes up,

and then we just

drive a lot more.

F*** this town.

F*** everybody in it.

F*** kidnapping, bro, right?

Amen to that.

Here you go, Dutch,

you lazy bastard.

Sorry, princess,

no strawberry shakes.

Ta-da! I give you

my masterpiece.

Yeah, it's not bad.

Come on. We have to get ready

for the party.

I just gotta clean up in here.

- Hurry up.

- Okay.

Honey, you ready?

Ray!

What the f***?

Ray!

Stop it!

No!

No!

Ray!

No!

Detective McNally,

am I glad you're here.

- So what have we got?

- It's a nasty one.

Apparently the husband got

his head bitten clean off.

Bitten? By what?

I don't know. An animal maybe?

The wife's pretty shook up,

but she's inside

with the sketch artist.

Oh, jeez.

Reminds me of the case

of the man who stuck

his head in a blender.

Talk about making a meal of it.

- Has Forensic Bob seen this?

- He's all over it.

- Where's the wife?

- Through here.

Ma'am, my name's

Detective McNally,

and I want to assure you I will

do everything within my power

to bring this killer

to justice.

Detective, you don't have

the slightest idea

what you're dealing with.

This has to be a nightmare

because what I saw in there is...

It's not possible.

All right, what have we got?

You're not going

to believe this.

Try me.

Nice work, Rembrandt.

How am I supposed to put out

an APB on a pumpkin?

- Detective?

- Yeah.

Captain wants to see you

down at the station.

Sh*t.

Wait for me, Kevin.

Hey, do not go knocking on

strangers' doors

until I'm there.

- Do you hear me?

- Yes, Mom!

Mom!

Kevin?

Watch it, lady!

Kevin!

Hey!

McNally!

McNally, get the f*** in here!

Shut the door, shut the door.

Sit in the f***ing chair.

Rough day?

I don't know.

What do you think?

What's wrong with

this f***ing picture?

It's Halloween, sir.

Bullshit. Bullshit!

Every year on Halloween,

this town goes batshit crazy.

I mean, check these reports out.

We've got hysterical blindness,

we got neighbors

attacking neighbors,

kids looting

convenience stores.

There's even a f***ing report

of a UFO.

I mean, this is bullshit,

McNally.

You're just the man

to fix this.

Ahh!

Just get your butt out there

and do the work

'cause if you don't,

I'm going to boot you

back to vice so fast,

your head's gonna spin.

Understood, Captain. I'm on it.

Good, good! Go bag me

some of those horror freaks.

What the hell

happened to you guys?

Some crazy kid ate

a shitload of chocolate.

Yeah, and then he ate

his babysitter.

- Oh, the night.

- Oh, the mess.

McNally, check this out.

So I measure the bite marks

on the victim's body,

Whatever bit that guy's head off

had a mouth about this wide.

Yeah. I can think

of a few suspects.

Yeah, but then I ran the data

through the computer

to make a 3D model

and this is what

it came up with.

Look familiar?

Nice work, Bob. I owe you one.

Buy me a drink later?

I'll think about it.

I gotta go.

Greetings, ghouls.

Twelve bells means

the witching hour is upon us.

That's when the weird,

crazy, scary scale

goes totally off the charts.

So lock your doors

and hold onto your candy

because Halloween

is about to get real.

Dispatch to McNally.

Got a 10-34 on Union and Baker.

Fire and medical are en route.

I don't know

what's going on down there,

but it sounds like

a total clusterfuck.

- Do you copy?

- I'm on my way.

Holy sh*t!

Sh*t.

McNally!

Nice timing.

I thought you might

need a hand.

Guess I owe you that drink now.

Let's go.

We have a warrant

to search your premises.

Look, I'm in the middle

of some important work here.

- You can't just barge...

- Yes, I can.

I wouldn't argue with her.

She's not in the mood.

I guess you should come in.

So, uh, Milo,

show me where you grow

these super pumpkins.

I can't just give away

company secrets

to anybody who walks

through the...

door.

- I'll get some lights on.

- Quit stalling, Milo.

Oh, boy.

Holy sh*t.

What's the big deal?

Just a bunch of pumpkins.

The witching hour is over.

Thanks for listening.

And until next year,

Happy Halloween!

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