Talk Radio Page #12

You're like a little child|under the covers.

You're afraid of the bogeyman,|but you can't live without him.

Your fear, your own lives,|have become your entertainment.

Next month, millions of people are|gonna be listening to this show,

and you'll have|nothing to talk about!

Marvelous technology|is at our disposal.

Instead of reaching up to new heights,|we're gonna see how far down we can go.

How deep into the muck|we can immerse ourselves.

What do you wanna|talk about, hmm?

Baseball scores?

Your pet?

Orgasms?

You're pathetic.

I despise each|and every one of you.

You got nothing,

absolutely nothing.

No brains, no power, no future.

No hope.

No God.

The only thing|you believe in is me.

What are you|if you don't have me?

I'm not afraid, see?

I come in every night, make my case,|make my point, say what I believe in!

I tell you what you are.|I have to. I have no choice.

You frighten me.

I come here every night, tear into|you, I abuse you, I insult you,

and you just keep|coming back for more.

What's wrong with you?|Why do you keep calling?

I don't wanna hear it anymore.|Stop talking!

Go away!

You're a bunch of yellow-bellied,|spineless, bigoted,

quivering, drunken,|insomniatic,

paranoid, disgusting, perverted,|voyeuristic, little obscene phone callers.

That's what you are.

Well, to hell with you.

I don't need your fear and your|stupidity. You don't get it.

It's wasted on you.

Burros before swine.

If one person out there|had any idea...

of what I'm talking about...

Fred, you're on Night Talk.

Yes. You see, Barry,

I know it's depressing that so many|people don't understand you're just joking.

Jackie, you're on Night Talk.

Hello. I've been listening for years,|and I find you a warm and intelligent...

Arnold.

What you were saying before about|loneliness, I'm an electrical engineer...

Lucy. My mother is from Waco and wants|to know if you went to high school...

Larry. Why do people insist|on calling homosexuals normal?

Ralph!|I'm in my house.

I'm at home,

which is where|you should be, Barry.

Hey, I'm not far away.|You could come over if you want.

We're the same kind of people.

I have beer, soup.

I'm here.

Come over later.

I'll wait.

Barry, there's 60 seconds|left in the show.

This is dead air, Barry.

Dead air.

I guess we're stuck|with each other.

This is Barry Champlaign.

Barry.

That was great.|I feel very good about this.

I'm gonna talk to the lawyers, and we'll|get started on this deal right away.

We're gonna be seeing|a lot more of each other.

I'll be in touch.

Barry.

That was great.

You pulled it off, champ.|Congratulations.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Dan.

What if I don't come in|tomorrow night?

You'll come in tomorrow,|Barry.

You always do.

She left, huh?|Yep. I don't blame her.

Her best line was, "Barry|Champlaign's a nice place to visit,

but I wouldn't want|to live there."

The show's a washout, Stu.

Give me a break, will you?|We're going national, man.

Besides, it's not that|important. It's just one show.

If it's not that important, why|am I doing it? I don't know, Barry.

You don't like the heights,|don't climb the mountains.

You know what I mean? It's|like that kid just said:

"Man, this is your show."

Where you headed?

I don't know. Go to|Ellen's hotel, try to talk.

That's good.|Tomorrow, Barry.

Before I take|the first caller this evening,

Tomorrow, Stu. I'd like to|comment on something I saw...

in the parking lot|on the way into the station.

There was a man standing there,|Walk you to your car?

obviously mentally disturbed.

It made me think about something|we don't often talk about.

Wanna grab a burger,|just talk?

I'm too old for you,|Laura.

Ow.

I mean, you don't|know about Vietnam,

Easy Rider, Beatles.

Start over, Grandpa.

I can't.

I'm inside this thing.

You're not.

You know what|my greatest fear is?

Being boring.

You're not boring.

I'm afraid that the whole|audience is gonna get up and leave.

I get confused sometimes|about this love stuff.

I don't know what people mean|when they say that they're in love,

but...

but I do know that I don't think|you're the bad guy you think you are.

Yes, I am.

I'll take a rain check|on that burger.

Excuse me, Barry.|Barry. Mr. Champlaign.

I hate to bother you. Do you think|you could give me an autograph, please?

Some show tonight.|Sure.

What'd you say your name was?|You're dead, f***er.

You come on down|to these parts,

you start telling people their|business and insulting their race,

you end up like Champlaign,|I'll tell you that right now.

I listened to his show the|night that he was killed.

There was this drug-crazed|kid bothering him.

When people smoke that crack|stuff, they go berserk, you know?

I hope they catch|that kid.

But they ought to listen to|that show. He was on the air.

I didn't think he was gonna|get shot or anything,

but that show was strange.

I mean, I got to be on his show the|last day. That was his last show.

I feel kinda like my whole|life is different, you know?

Like I'm kinda blessed.

But like I told Barry,|you know, I mean, hey,

life is kinda just like|a big party thrown by God,

and I'm the new|toastmaster, Bar.

Like Barry always said,

if you didn't like him,|turn him off.

But they didn't have|to kill him.

I think that young boy that had come|in on the show, I think he did it.

I'll tell you|how I feel about it.

I think if you steal something,|they oughta cut your hands off.

If you rape somebody, they ought|a cut your you-know-what off.

I never called him.

And now I'm sorry.

He never even hung up on me.

I miss him. You know how when|you have a cast on your arm...

and they cut it off,|you miss having it?

He was like a cast|on my arm. I miss him.

He was like a hot-fudge sundae|with fresh pecans.

Now, I knew I shouldn't listen|to him 'cause he always got me...

so dog-dang riled up till I|was like to smash my radio.

He did a whole show once on which|way to roll your toilet paper.

Over or under?|People responded for hours.

Some got so angry,|they hung up.

I called almost every night.|I loved Barry.

Didn't care much for the fellow|who answered the phone, though.

You know, he always forgot|I was waiting on the line.

Didn't I read he was having some|kind of problem with his wife?

Yes, he was|insensitive and nasty,

but he was a strong, masculine|presence on the radio.

Why would anyone|do such a thing?

Oh, well, there's another|bright star in God's heaven.

My view is that you don't give|a group like the neo-Nazis...

access to the airways|like he did.

Basically, I couldn't stand|Barry Champlaign.

I was in love with his voice.|I was in love with his voice.

He was in love|with his own voice.

My first thought was that I couldn't|believe anyone could hate him that much.

Disagree or dislike, but|not hate him. Not kill him.

My second thought was...

that he always wondered|if there was a God.

Barry said he had to wait|until the evidence was in.

Now you know, Barry.

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