Talk Radio Page #11

Barry!|Don't "Barry" me!

You've got sawdust between your ears|instead of brains. Just listen to you!

If I sounded as stupid as you, I'd|be too embarrassed to open my mouth!

I'm hanging up!|Good, and don't call back.

Nothing more boring|than people who love you.

Yeah, you're on Night Talk.

I just have one thing|to ask you, Barry.

Hit me.

Are you as ugly-looking|as you sound? Uglier.

Yeah, I thought|you'd say something like that.

But as usual,|you avoid the question.

What's the question?|I think you know the question.

Is an animal a vegetable or a|mineral? The question is obvious.

Why does an intelligent fellow|like yourself...

spend so much energy|hurting other people?

Hmm?|Do you not love yourself?

I think you're very|lonely, Barry.

I'm sorry for you, because|you don't know how to love.

Night Talk. Ralph.

They always say that,|don't they?

"Why are you so angry"?

Well, they don't understand|me and you, Barry.

We're the kind of people,|we feel too much.

Are we, Ralph?

Yeah, my name is Cheryl Ann.|I'll hold.

Who knows? I mean,|take, for instance, cancer.

What is cancer?|What are you doing, Ellen?

He's all alone out there.|So what?

He's going down in flames,|Dan.

It's Barry's show,|Ellen.

Let Barry|do Barry's show.

Well, what are they gonna do|with my TV set?

We watch it. That's what|people do with TV sets.

What do they see? They see people|killing people, babies starving, floods.

And for what?|For nothing!

For beer commercials|and Tampax ads,

MTV, a yacht, the ocean,

a diamond earring,|a racehorse.

Well, I guess so.

I guess so. All I know is|what I read in the papers.

And that's a lot of talk. Barry,|it's talk. Talk, talk, talk.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk,|talk, talk! Ralph, Ralph, Ralph!

Tell me something.|I'm curious.

How do you dial a phone|with a straightjacket on?

Barry.

I don't know much about God|and I never was very religious,

but you can't help feeling|like something is wrong,

like nobody's|driving the train,

the system,

'cause too many people|are gettin' sick.

And the traffic,|it's just jamming up.

And even the weather,|not so good lately.

Barry, I just don't|- I don't get it, Barry. I just don't get it.

You don't get it, wimp? Here's|what you get! You get $1.59,

That's it. go down to the drugstore,|buy a pack of razor blades,

and slash your|f***in' wrists, pinhead!

That's it, kid.|Come on.

What?|Get him out of here, now!

Hey, Barry!

Get the f*** off me,|you f***in' son of a b*tch!

Thank you, Dallas!|Good night!

You allright, Barry?|Standby.

I'm confused, Barry.

What did you say|your name was?

Cheryl Ann.

It's about my ex-husband.

He's back in town and, well,|I haven't seen him for a while.

What are you confused about,|Cheryl Ann?

Well, let me first say...

that I left my ex-husband|for very good reasons.

Did it- Let's not|get into them, okay?

And he's anything but perfect.

He smokes, he drinks,|he loves to argue.

Sounds like my kind of guy.|Yeah.

He is a little bit like you.

Yeah, well, we gotta move|it along here, Cheryl Ann.

You wanna get to the point?

I have, um,|feelings for him.

What kind of feelings?

Nice feelings.

Um...

This is hard to say.

Sexual feelings?

It's not just that.|I mean, yes, of course, but...

I still love him.

It's not the same|with my husband.

We had something,

and... I want him.

I want him inside of me.

I want to take care of him.

I want to be with him.

You wanna be close to him.

Yes.

You wanna hold him.

Oh, yes.

You wanna relive|the feelings you two had.

Yes, Barry.

You don't love|your husband?

No. Well, I...

You tell him|that you love him.

You lie to him and|you tell him that you love him.

I do love him.

I love him as a friend.

Friend.

Everyone's your friend.

Not like my ex-husband.

There's a passion there|for his soul and...

I- I thought I wanted a|simple life, but I-I was wrong.

I want my old life back.

Sounds like|you made a mistake.

Should've stuck with|the first guy.

Yeah, well, what was I|supposed to do?

I love you, Barry.

Ever hear the story of the little|dog who had a bone in his mouth?

And he's trotting over this|bridge and he looks over...

and sees his reflection|in the water.

Thinks it's another dog.

That dog has a bone|in his mouth too.

The dog wants both bones, so he|barks at the little dog in the water,

trying to scare him.

Bone drops out of his mouth.

Loses both bones.

What has that got to do|with what I just said?

Babe, I don't know|what to tell you.

You blew it!

You know, women like you|are never happy.

What do you want me to say? Leave|your husband? Go back to your ex?

Your ex doesn't want you.

He's got women all over the|place. He doesn't need you.

He's not some suburban zombie like|your husband. He's out there having fun.

Did you ever think of that? Maybe|your ex-husband doesn't want you?

Hmm? He came on to me.|He said he wanted me.

You're Iying again.|He said he still loved me.

You're Iying! You're a sexually|unsatisfied woman living in a dream world!

I feel sorry for you!

So why don't you stick|with Mr. America there,

go out and buy yourself a heavy-duty|vibrator, and knock yourself out.

We reap what we sow.

Follow me, Cheryl Ann?

Probably frigid.|And we have Theresa on the line.

The day will come|for you, Barry.

And there will be|a reckoning,

an adding up|and a totaling.

Those who turned away|will be turned upon.

And I don't care|what your story is, Barry.

You are responsible, and there|will be no confusion at your trial.

It will be short,|and necks will crack.

The whips will strip your back|bare to the bone,

and your children|will cry for you...

as they are slaughtered|before your eyes.

You...

The Jews will hang high|over the streets.

You will be buried in piles.

You dig your own holes.

I am here merely to tell you|that the day will come.

It will.

Believe it or not,|you make perfect sense to me.

I should hang.

I'm a hypocrite.

I ask for sincerity,|and I lie.

I denounce the system|as I embrace it.

I want money and power|and prestige.

I want ratings and success.

I don't give a damn about you|or the world. That's the truth.

For this, I could say I'm|sorry, but I won't. Why should I?

I mean, who the hell are|you anyways, you audience?

You're on me every night|like a pack of wolves,

'cause you can't stand facing|what you are and what you've made.

Yes, the world|is a terrible place.

Yes, cancer and garbage|disposals will get you.

Yes, a war is coming.

Yes, the world is shot to hell,|and you're all goners.

Everything's screwed up, and|you like it that way, don't you?

You're fascinated|by the gory details.

You're mesmerized|by your own fear.

You revel in floods,|car accidents.

Unstoppable diseases.

You're happiest|when others are in pain.

That's where I come in,|isn't it?

I'm here to lead you by the|hands through the dark forest...

of your own hatred|and anger and humiliation.

I'm providing a public service.

You're so scared.

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