Talk Radio Page #10

I mean, I don't know.|She could be black or white,

Hispano, Japanese,|pretty, fat, ugly.

I wanna rape them all!

All right, John, calm down. I|wanna help you. I'm your friend.

Are you my buddy, Barry?

I'm your buddy, John.

I can't help myself.|I gotta go do it.

You can help yourself. You're not|gonna do it, John. No, I gotta do it.

No, you're not|gonna do it, John.

Now, listen to me.|I'm gonna go do it.

No, no, no. Think about|what you're saying, John.

John?

He's gone.

Another lost soul|goes into the Dallas night.

We-We have a police trace|on this.

If anybody knows|anything about this man...

or is in Turtle Creek or|sees someone in a phone booth,

please call us here|at KGAB.

The number to call is,|is 555-TALK.

Uh, let's hear|from our sponsors...

Pasty Mate Roach|and Termite Cleaners.

Listen closely.

The sound|of cockroaches mating...

enhanced 500 times.|They couldn't trace it.

Right, I should've kept him on|for another three hours.

You know, I once had|a cup of Humphrey's coffee.

I was spitting blood|for three weeks.

You should try|the decaffeinated, Barry.

This is great.|Oh, wait. Don't tell me.

He seems|pretty harmless.

Come on, kid, sit down.|This is your chair.

This is your microphone.|Speak directly into it.

Keep your mouth about|six inches away from it.

These are your headphones so you can|hear the show. These are the ground rules.

What?|The ground rules.

No last names, no brand names,|no phone numbers over the air.

Other than that, act and speak|normally. This is Mr. Barry Champlaign.

You're Barry.

You got him.|All right.

What's wrong with him?|He's star struck.

Hey, kid, say something. I need|a level. Check, check. Check one.

Here we go on five,

four, three, two, one.|Stu.

Strap in, b*tch.|Here we go.

We're back. I'm Barry Champlaign.|You're listening to Night Talk.

We have a very special guest|with us tonight.

Kent. Say hello|to everybody, Kent.

All right.

My sentiments exactly.

We've brought Kent on board to get an|inside look at the future of America.

Kent is the classic|American youth...

energetic and resourceful,|spoiled, perverse and disturbed.

Would you say that's an accurate|description, Kent? Yep, sure.

What do you call that haircut?|I don't know. Rock and roll!

Are you high right now,|Kent?

Am I high?|Are you on drugs,

or is this your naturally|moronic self?

Watch the drool. You're|getting it all over the console.

I can't believe|I'm here, man.

Hey. Wow. Does this thing really work?

You're sitting in|a radio station, Kent.

You're sitting in front|of a live mike.

When you speak, thousands|of people hear your voice.

It penetrates their minds.

Okay, okay.|No, listen.

I wanna send that one out to Diamond|Dave and Billy the bass player...

and all the babes|at the Valley View Mall.

We're discussing|America here tonight, Kent.

Do you have any thoughts|on that subject?

Yeah.|Oh, I'm sorry.

I broke your train of thought. Please,|keep going. This is exhilarating.

No, I know.

It's not like I'm not political|or nothin'. You know, I mean...

I like Bruce.|He's political.

Bruce Springsteen, yes.|A very deep, political thinker.

He's a communist, isn't he?

No, he's from New Jersey.

His ex is pretty nice.|Mm-hmm. Whose ex?

Bruce's. Bruce Springsteen's|wife. Yes, what about her?

Julienne.|Hi, Julienne.

She was a model.|You know that, Bar?

All those guys|got models, Bar.

I mean, Mick and Jerry,|Keith and Patty,

Prince and...

Prince.

You know, Bar,|Bingo.

models only hang around with|guys they think are coolest.

Look at you, man. You're a|big guy, famous star and all.

I mean, you got that fine babe|right over there...

who works for you, man.

So hey, if you got some|cash and you're cool,

you get to have a model.

So you wouldn't call yourself a|women's libber then, Kent, huh?

Yeah, I would, Bar. I mean,|everybody being liberated, you know.

Women, South Africans, all|those kind of people, you know.

I saw a show|about all that stuff...

about how revolution's|a pretty important thing.

We're gonna have a lot more|revolutions where people get together,

solidarity and that|and...

You know,|like that song by Megadeath.

# Peace sells|but who's buying #

# Peace sells but who's|buying # Ah, come on!

Hey, plus-|Oh, I saw this other show...

about how in the future they're|gonna have these two-way TV sets.

People will be able to see|each other and everything.

And then there's, like, no way they're|gonna be able to stop the revolution.

Who won't be able|to stop it, Kent?

Big Brother, the government,|corporations.

They're a bunch of fascists. They|wanna control everybody's mind.

But, hey, freedom's|an important thing,

just like you|always say, Bar.

You say|the best things, Bar.

I listen to you|all the time.

You're great.|Kent, you're an idiot.

I sincerely hope you do not|represent the future of this country,

because if you do|we are in sad shape.

Bar, man,|you're so funny, man.

That's why I love to listen to your show.|That's why all the kids listen to you, man.

Plus, these goons|push you around, you know.

All the kids|listen to you, Bar.

You are the best thing|on the radio!

Kent, we discuss a lot of|serious subjects on this show...

sad things, frightening|things, tragic things.

Doesn't any of that|bother you?

Nope.

Why not?

It's just a show. It's one|big rock video, huh, Kent?

Yeah!

No.|Come on, Bar.

It's your show.

Yeah, that it is, that it is.|It's my show.

Let's go back to the callers|on my show.

Uh, Julia,|you're on Night Talk.

Barry, hello.|Now, you know, darlin',

I think these people who've|been callin' you tonight...

are a bunch of|I don't know what's.

It's crazy. And that crazy kid you|got on there, now, that's terrible.

I've been listenin' to your show|for five years straight, Barry,

and I love you and your show.

I think it's terrific that more|folks are gonna be listenin'.

I just hope you have time for|your longtime friends there, Bar.

I always have time|for my friends, Julia.

Aw, you're terrific.

Your show's terrific.|I don't know what else to say.

Well, tell me something, Julia,|since you listen all the time.

What is it|you like about the show?

Well, I don't know.

A lot of things.

Well, what, for instance?|Well, I love you, Bar.

Uh-huh, that's a given. Okay,|what about me do you love?

Well, you're very funny.|Uh-huh.

And I love to hear you talk about|all the things you have to say.

Yeah, yeah, okay.|Let's get back to the show.

The show must serve|some kind of purpose for you.

Well, now, I wouldn't say that.|What would you say?

Well, I don't know. What|do you mean, you don't know?

You said that at least five times|already. What don't you know?

You've been listening to this show for five|years. You don't know why you listen to it?

Well, I just said-|I heard what you just said.

You said you don't know why you listen|to this show. Why don't I tell you why.

You listen so that you can feel|superior to the other losers who call in!

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