Talk Radio Page #2

I'm Barry Champlaign.|This is Night Talk.

We're gonna go to a message. I'll|be right back after I shoot up.

Who's the schlub?

Barry, Dan and I wanted to tell you|before the show we have some good news.

Barry? Dan, I can't talk|right now. I gotta take a leak.

I'll catch you later,|okay?

Stu, cool it with the baseball calls|and the transvestites. How's the lines?

I got five hanging on|already. Give me 45.

You got it. Barry, I'd like|you to meet Chuck Dietz,

V.P. in charge of advertising,|Metro Wave, Chicago.

Really? Very nice to meet|you. It's my pleasure.

I've been reading all|your press clippings...

and listening to tapes|of your shows for weeks.

And?|And you're really something.

You're very funny.|I try to amuse.

I'm in the middle of a show. I've|gotta move it along. Genius at work.

Metro Wave's picking up the show starting|Monday, linking it to a national feed.

Some people at Humphrey's Coffee|want to sponsor the show nationally.

We're at cold; 30, Bar.

Wait a minute. The show's going|national starting Monday night?

When did this happen?

- Don't I get a say in this? You know about this?|- Yeah.

Dan|- We didn't know anything about it until tonight.

No sense getting you all|excited until it panned out.

Chuck is here to be the eyes and|ears of Metro Wave, so to speak.

So to speak.|Fifteen, Bar.

Why don't you go ahead.|We can talk later.

We got a hot show. We're talking Larry King here|- coast to coast.

It's always a hot show,|Dan. Stu, find me a catheter.

Extra hot. We'll get a|contract for six months. Jawohl.

You're listening|to the best talk in Texas.

Barry Champlaign on KGAB.|You know about this?

Yeah. Chill, will you, Barry?|The bucks don't suck. Stand by.

555-TALK.|Yo.

Metro Wave Broadcasting|is a giant media corporation...

specializing|in broadcast radio.

It has 357|affiliate stations...

in the United States|and Canada.

Two minutes ago|I received a phone call...

from the man who controls|those 357 stations...

the president of|Metro Wave Broadcasting.

He asked me if Metro Wave|could pick up this show,

pick up Barry Champlaign for national|syndication, beginning Monday night.

I've had|these offers before,

and I've been asked in the past|if I could ever soften my touch,

go a little easier, and my|answer has always been the same;

Take it or leave it.

He took it.

And so,|beginning Monday night,

this show, Night Talk,|begins national broadcasting.

That means the nation|is listening.

You better have something|to say. I know I do.

And we have Chet from Mesquite|on the line.

Hello, Chet.|Hello?

You think you're so smart.|Hello?

Why are you always talkin'|about the drugs and n*ggers...

and homos and Jews?

Isn't there anything else to|talk about? You know what I hate?

I hate people who tell me what|they don't wanna talk about.

You don't wanna talk about blacks|and gays, why'd you bring them up?

Sounds like you like|talking about them.

Tell me what you wanna talk|about, or get off the phone.

Why don't you start telling|the truth? About what?

You know. People behind your|show, people who pay the bills.

Talking about the sponsors|now. Don't you act dumb with me.

What kind of a name|is Champlaign?

I want you to cancel my plane|reservations for tonight. You changed it?

I'm gonna come in tomorrow. Maybe|because it sounded too Jewish.

Call Freddie. Tell him to call me|tomorrow. Change the name, get a nose job,

same old story.|Chet, come on!

He started out a bit shaky. Your|attitude reminds me of a story.

Last summer|I visited Germany.

Wanted to take a look|at Hitler's homeland.

Are you familiar|with Adolf Hitler, Chet?

I'm familiar|with Adolf Hitler.

I bet you are.

I decided to visit the remains of a|concentration camp on the outskirts of Munich:

Dachau.

You join a tour group, go out by bus,|get out at the gate. It's chilling.

A sign over the gate says,|"Arbeit Macht Frei. "

It means, "Work will make you free"|- something the Nazis told their prisoners.

You still listening to me,|Chet? I'm counting your lies.

Good. I wanna make sure|you're hearing them.

I'm walking around this concentration|camp, and I see something on the ground.

I picked it up.|Guess what I found, Chet?

A tiny Star of David.|Very old.

Who knows? It might've belonged to|one of the prisoners at the camp.

Maybe a small boy|torn from his parents...

as they were dragged off|to the slaughterhouse.

I kept that Star of David.

I know I shouldn't have, but I did.|I keep it right here on my console.

I like to hold it|sometimes.

In fact, well...|I'm holding it right now.

I like to hold it in my hand|to give me courage.

Maybe some of the courage that small|boy had as he faced unspeakable evil...

can enter me as I face|the trials in my own life...

as I face the cowardly|and the narrow-minded.

The bitter, bigoted people who|hide behind anonymous phone calls...

full of hatred|and poisonous bile.

The gutless,|spineless people...

like you, Chet,|who make me puke!

Keep talkin', Jewboy.|Life is short.

Stu, let's send|a microwave oven out to Chet.

And we have Kent on the line.|Yeah, Kent?

I need help.|Shoot.

I like to party|with my girlfriend.

How old are you?|Nineteen.

How old's your girlfriend?|Seventeen.

Okay, go ahead. So we|like to party, you know?

When you're partying, where|are your parents? On a vacation.

He's so excited about it.|Look at him.

I think it's Fiji.|Is that right?

Is there a place called Fiji? Excuse|me. I'm gonna take care of some stuff.

Your parents are on vacation in a|place called Fiji, and you're partying.

Yeah, that's what I wanted|to ask you about, Bar.

See, we've been partying|for a couple of days. Uh-huh.

Smokin' coke, crack.

Free-base.

Sounds pretty sordid, Kent. You've|been smoking crack with your girlfriend.

What else you been up to?|Drinkin'.

Mm-hmm.|I don't know.

I drank a bottle of 100-proof whiskey|yesterday 'cause I was gettin' paranoid.

Jill was doin' some acid|with some Valium.

It was...

Kent, you need to call a|doctor, have your stomach pumped.

Let me give you a number to|call. That's why I'm callin' you.

Why?|It's Jill.

She's been sleepin' a long time|- No, no, no.

She's been sleepin'|and she won't wake up.

Don't waste my time with this baloney.|When you get outta detox, give me a call.

She's turnin' blue.|She's turning blue?

Great. Just give Stu your address|and we'll send an ambulance there now.

Give Stu your address, we'll|send an ambulance in two minutes.

I can't! I can't! I'm gonna|get your address. Kent, hello?

Hello?

I'm really glad people like Kent|are out there and I'm inside here.

We're gonna go to|a little commercial break now.

Whoo-whee! Jericho's Pizza, down|Route 111 at the Jericho Turnpike.

They got pizza you'll never forget. One|slice, you don't have to eat for a week.

I saw a guy in there combing his hair with|his stuff off the plate. Jericho's Pizza.

We have the news and weather coming up,|then we'll be back with more Night Talk.

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