Talk Radio Page #3

Here's your mail.|You read it.

What's the problem tonight?|Fight with the old lady?

No, there's no problems.|Throwing me some real curve balls.

What's wrong with curve|balls, Bar? Some call.

It's a hoax.|How can you be sure?

A hoax. Stu, who's this|Henry? You didn't give me this.

Who's Denise from Fort|Worth? I didn't get that.

- Maybe Laura should take the calls.|- These people were stiffs.

You want stiffs, I'll|give you stiffs. No, Stu.

I don't want stiffs. Am I|speaking English? Read my lips.

Keep the show moving,|give me stuff I can work with.

You having trouble understanding|me? No, I'm not having trouble.

As a matter of fact,|I read you loud and clear.

Good!

Barry?

Barry.

Honey, just relax.|Everything's under control.

It's my ass on the line,|not yours.

All you have to do|is just be nice.

Okay?|Just for tonight.

You be nice, Laura.|It's what you're good at.

You're not gonna lose|even with a 15...

Jerry, I'm gonna put you on|hold. Something wrong, Barry?

I can't work with him breathing|down my neck. I want him out now!

I have your contract right here. Why|don't you take it and look it over.

You dump it on me the Friday|before it's gonna happen.

You stick some putz|in the middle of my studio.

I feel like I'm auditioning|for my own job!

Barry, calm down.|You don't care.

Just stick me out there,|see how it goes.

Doesn't work out, flush Barry|down the toilet, right?

You're not gonna get me to apologize|for getting you a slot on national radio.

I worked very hard on this deal,|and I'm happy with it.

If you're not,|we tear up the contract,

we don't do|the Metro Wave hookup.

Big mistake, guy. I think it's worth the|gamble because I think the show is good.

Barry, you are good. And it will|blow them away everywhere it's heard.

Dietz goes with the deal.|Grin and bear it.

You do your job,|I'll do mine.

Did you run Sani Clean|before the news?

Yes, I did.|You up with your log?

There's a Harry's, a Firestone,|a logo. They're all on track.

Good. Don't let it get to|you. It's been a strange night.

There's nothing strange about it.|How long you been working here?

Four months. How long you|been sleeping with him?

Listen, Ellen.|I was gonna cheer you up.

Metro Wave, the network, is picking|up the show. We're going national.

Oh, my God. In Chicago|too? Yeah, in Chicago too.

It's not that simple-|You must be so excited!

Yeah, of course|I'm excited.

We got this character here from|the company keeping an eye on me.

I'll be right off the phone. Ellen,|will you tell him you're talking to me?

I like this stuff. Nights like|tonight are what it's all about.

You either get used to it|or you get lost.

That's what his wife did|- left him. So did the two producers who were here before you.

But big Stu stayed,|didn't he?

I don't have to take his sh*t. I'm|not his wife. You're not, but I am.

This is not the best time|forme to talk.

Yeah, yeah.|I'm sorry I'm calling so late.

It's just that This is|important. Barry, 20!

I need your help with something.|I never ask you for anything and...

Barry...

Can you come to Dallas|over the weekend, till Tuesday?

What? I need someone|here I can trust. It's...

- It's important.|- Damn it! Come on!

I don't think he's|gonna let me. Forget it.

Forget it.|Don't come.

He answered,|"The night he didn't come home. "

No, that happened all the time.|Ellen?

I'm thinking, okay?

Five, Bar.

Allright. Sunday? You pick me|up at the airport. Strap in, Bar.

Yeah, I'll be there.|Here we go.

- Look, I gotta go. Bye.|- You're listening to the best talk in Texas.

The phone lines are open, and|your calls are invited now...

at 555-TALK.

Bob, what a relief.|How you doing tonight?

Terrific.|Very well, thank you.

I hope you're not gonna get|too busy to take my calls.

No show is complete without|your call. How are the legs?

They're fine|- an ache or two. But you know what I say?

When they give you lemons,|make lemonade.

You can't cry over spilled|milk. Cry, and you cry alone.

You can't lose|what you never had.

Because you don't know|what you got until you lost it.

So don't lose hope.|This too shall pass.

Because today is the first day|of the rest of your life.

Yeah, and it's always darkest|before dawn. Bob, could I just...

People think that life in a wheelchair|must be the worst thing in the world.

That's not the way|I look at it.

I imagine the worst thing|in the world would be...

bein' unthankful for all the good|things that come our way everyday.

The smiles on little children,|flowers bloomin',

little birds chirpin', sittin' on the|buddin' branches on a bright spring day.

Why, hell, just the sun comin'|up every day is a miracle.

I couldn't agree with you more,|especially that part about the sun.

We get bogged down in our daily troubles|and we forget about the simple things.

Oh, I forgot one more thing|to be thankful for.

What's that?|The Barry Champlaign show.

Thank you, Bob.|Listen, we gotta run.

Know you can't, but we can. So God bless you|- One more thing.

Don't put all your eggs in one|basket. A bird in the hand...

- Good night. And we have-|- Debbie, you still there?

- Turn your radio down. Stop crying.|- Well, I'm black.

Good for you.|What do you want? A medal?

Well, no, I don't. Don't play|with me like them other people.

I want you to know...

that I enjoy listening to your show,|and I want to say, I like you Jews.

Well, I like you blacks.|I think everyone should own one.

What I mean to say is,

Uh-huh. I have many|friends who are Jewish.

Really? How many?|Well, three or four.

I wouldn't call that "many."|They're very nice people.

They're educated|and they're good in business.

John, I don't know how to break this to you,|but you'll never get in the B'nai B'rith.

You're black. Don't you know|how Jews feel about blacks?

They hate you! They see you schwartzes on|the street, they cross to the other side.

You know those slums in south Dallas|where the rats eat babies for breakfast?

Jews own those slums! What do you mean, I|love Jews? Are you some kind of Uncle Tom?

What the hell you know about|Uncle Tom? I think brotherhood...

I don't care what you think!|No one does!

You wanna know why? Because you're|trying to kiss the master's butt.

What? You call me up, try to get|deep on how much you love Jews.

You're Iying. You hate them.|You hate me!

I don't kiss nobody's butt!|Sure you do! You kiss my butt.

You're kissing my butt right now.|If you weren't, you'd hang up on me.

I don't wanna hang up on you!|Then I'll do you the favor.

- Night Talk.|Debbie, you're on.

Barry?|Mm-hmm.

This is Debbie again.

Oh, Debbie. Right.

She of the long hair,|my zombie queen, my fantasy.

How are you, my belle?|Bad.

I've been thinkin' about|what you said.

I wanna ask you somethin'.|Yeah?

What's wrong with me?|What?

Chet's back. You've had Debbie on twice.|I don't think you should take the call.

Barry? I can handle|it. Just shoot it to me.

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