Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby Page #12

Come on, man, slingshot it.

Slingshot, come on.

I can't believe it.

lf it isn't Mike Honcho himself.

Shake and Bake, buddy!

Shake it before you bake it.

Here I come. Slingshot engaged.

Yeah!

I love you, Cal!

-What are you doing?

-Can't believe it. Now I've seen it all.

CaI Naughton from Dennit Racing just

helped a rivaI driver pass a teammate.

Darrell, you tell Brian Wavecrest

to take out CaI Naughton right now.

Right now, you do it. You do it!

Yes, sir.

And the 26 car just ran Naughton

into the wall.

Oh, man.

Damn you, Wavecrest!

The entire field was in that wreck,

and we've only got six laps to go.

Only Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard

got away clean.

It's just Jean and Ricky.

And now the matador shall dance

with the blind shoemaker.

Race officials have completed

an extensive cleanup of the track.

We're ready to get back to racing.

The 200,000 fans are on their feet,

and the green flag is in the air.

Bobby and Girard are

dueling each other for the lead.

No one seems to have the edge.

Go, go, go! Come on, come on, go!

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is the finaI lap.

By the way, Ricky,

I watched the Highlander movie.

lt was sh*t.

Hang on, baby Jesus,

this is gonna get bumpy.

I've seen a lot of big crashes

at Talladega...

...but this is the longest one

I've ever seen.

Let's take a quick commerciaI break

and we'll be right back.

Hungry for both steak and shrimp?

Welcome back to Talladega,

where the long one continues.

No, no! Jean Girard and Ricky Bobby

have wrecked in the last lap...

...on the straightaway.

What a shame.

Oh, God.

lt looks like neither Girard or Bobby

will finish this race.

We'd like to thank you for joining us

for NBC's coverage of NAS CAR.

Coming up next,

it's lce Dancing to the Hits of Motown.

Wait a minute, there's something

going on on the track down there.

Oh, my God,

they're racing each other on foot.

These men will not quit.

Go! Go!

Ricky, Ricky. He's going,

he's going, he's going. Look!

He did it!

Well, I'll be damned.

Good for you, Ricky Bobby.

Yeah! Yeah!

Ricky Bobby wins!

You'll never see anything like that

in a hundred lifetimes.

lt was completely illegaI and in no way

will count, but that was something.

lt was. That was really good.

Monsieur Bobby,

by defeating me today...

...you have set me free.

And for that, I thank you.

I will never shake your hand, ever.

But I will give you this.

Sir, you taste of America.

Thank you.

No, once was good. Once was good.

Boy, that Halliburton.

Halliburton's taken off, haven't they?

Yeah, yeah, we're doing well.

Now there's some stock

I'd like to get my hands on.

Ladies and gentlemen,

NASCAR fans...

...your eyes on Talladega's

famed Victory Lane...

...as we get ready

for trophy time here...

...following an exciting running

of the Talladega 500.

First, a very brief explanation.

Because the drivers that finished

first and second got out of their cars...

...they have officially

been disqualified.

So now the winner, he was third,

he's now number one:

CaI Naughton Jr.!

Yeah, come on, guys!

-Give me that thing.

-Cal, you're number one!

I've been waiting a long time for you

to say my name, man.

I know it's a technicality,

but I tell you what...

...you try to take this away from me,

I'll sock you in the face.

Ricky.

Give me that thing.

I can't believe it. I can't believe it!

-Cal!

-Put me down.

I'm proud of you!

Get up here, man.

No, you come up here.

You come up here.

-CaI Naughton! CaI Naughton.

-Oh, my God.

For this to happen....

Am I dead, man?

You won the Talladega 500,

all right?

I owe you an apology.

-Come on.

-Man, I'm sorry about Carley.

She walked straight up to me

and grabbed me in the crotch.

-It's like a tractor beam of hotness.

-I know.

Shake and Bake?

No. Never again.

You're right.

I was a totaI dick, man.

From now on...

...it's Magic Man...

...and EI Diablo.

What's ''Diablo'' mean?

It's like, you know....

It's like Spanish for,

like, a fighting chicken.

-That's awesome.

-I know.

-With the claws.

-With the claws and the beak.

Where did you think of that?

You just-- Sometimes things click.

-I love you, bro.

-I love you too.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, I can't believe it!

Excuse me, guys. Nice job.

Hey, Ricky.

Hey, Carley.

I've decided I can love you again.

You're a winner.

-Yeah, I don't think so.

-Really?

Are you prepared to walk away

from these pearls...

...of delight?

Well.... Yeah, this is tough.

How would it work?

-Would CaI move out?

-Yep, gone.

Kids move back in?

-Can I just have a little refresher?

-Of course, baby.

This is why you fell in love,

don't forget.

Yeah, I'm in.

I'm moving in right now.

I'll drive 1 00 miles an hour

to your house.

-Our house. Our house.

-Our house, yeah.

No, I'm not. Come on.

It's gonna be awkward.

-Hey, baby.

-Hey.

Wait a minute.

You are ready to walk away...

...from FHM magazine's

number seven hottest ass...

...for the girI who forgets

to get your dry cleaning?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Good luck, weirdoes.

-Carley, come back here.

-Yes, Susie Q?

There's something I've wanted

to tell you for a really long time.

Thank you. Maybe one together?

-Susie Q, are those real?

-Yeah.

Well, girl, you got some game.

-We'll see you on down the road.

-Yeah.

-You seen Cal?

-He's somewhere around here.

Hey, Cal! Baby, I'm coming.

Thanks, baby.

-Maybe one more?

-Oh, boys.

-She's crazy.

-Oh, thank you.

-You did good.

-Thanks, Mama.

He's amazing.

That was one heck of a day,

I gotta say.

That's some nice driving there,

cowboy.

-Hey, Daddy.

-Well, hello, Reese.

Well, if it isn't our old

mangy, transient grandfather.

Well said, grandson.

Take that as a compliment.

Hey, Ricky,

let me ask you a question.

Who did you win that race for?

Well, I sure as hell didn't

win it for you.

I like hearing that.

I guess if I really gotta think about it...

...I just went out there and drove.

And knew that no matter

what happened...

...my boys, my mama,

and my lady would love me.

Hi, I'm his lady, I'm Susan.

I painted the car, l....

We had sex.

-ls that right?

-Yeah.

Well, I wish I could've

been there for that.

Son, I'm proud of you.

Yep. Yeah, I think....

I guess things are...

...just pretty much perfect right now.

It's making me a little itchy.

Well, what do you say

we get thrown out of an Applebee's?

-That sound like a good idea?

-You read my mind, son.

-You can cuss at Applebee's.

-Everybody pile in.

How does one get thrown out

of Applebee's?

-You're about to find out.

-Okay.

Watch, the doors actually open.

-Hey, I'm Ricky Bobby.

-And I'm CaI Naughton Jr.

We just want to take a moment to talk

to you about snow blindness in cats.

It's affecting more and more cats

every year.

And it scares the living sh*t out of us.

Ninety-eight percent of us will die

at some point in our lives.

The darkness is creeping towards you,

whether you know it or not.

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