Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby Page #6

I'm through lying to myself,

you know?

It's time to be mature about this

and just face facts.

I bought myself

a hundred-thousand-dollar...

...handicap-accessible van...

...with the captain's chairs and the DVD

plasma screens in the back for the kids.

-You all paid up on that?

-Yeah. That's all paid in full.

It's parked out there.

And then the next thing I gotta do...

...is I just gotta have a sit-down

with Carley and just let her know...

...that it's okay for her to seek

the comfort of other men.

Because she's gotta run wild. You

can't keep something like that back.

Hold on, man. Hold....

-We gotta tell him.

-Now?

No, I don't care what the doctor said,

we gotta tell him now.

Ricky, the doctor told us...

...that we should let you work it out

in your own sweet time...

...but, Ricky, you can walk.

What did you just say?

He's telling you the truth, man.

It's all in your head.

You sick sons of b*tches!

I mean, you walk in that door...

...on your two legs,

all fat and cocky...

...and looking at me in my chair,

and you tell me it's all in my head?

I hope that both of you have sons.

Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons

who are talented and star athletes...

...and they have their legs

taken away!

I pray you know

that pain and that hurt.

Don't you put that eviI on me,

Ricky Bobby!

Don't you put that on us!

You are not paralyzed!

I am so paralyzed!

-No, no, no! No, he needs to know!

-Getting a little rough on him.

-He's always crying!

-Tough love, it is. Tough love.

- Wake up, idiot!

-You wanna know what I am?!

You wanna see what my life is?!

Don't do it.

-You wanna see what's going on here?

-Don't you stick that knife in your leg.

-Man!

-Hold on, hold on.

-Hold on, now. Walk it off.

-Oh, that hurts.

-Oh, my--!

-Walk it off.

Stretch, stretch. Stretch it out.

Hey, man.

You can walk! You can walk!

I can walk!

-I think I touched a nerve.

-Right there.

All right, we got it, we got it.

Hold it right there.

Maybe don't touch it.

-Can you feel it?

-I can!

We'll use this knife to pry it out.

We'll pull it out.

-Now we got two in there.

-Just don't think about it.

-We're going down a bad path.

-Cut around the meat.

I'll cut right here.

Stretch it out.

Just take out a plug of meat.

Just like a deer.

We gotta wiggle it a little bit. That's it.

Can you feel that?

-Yeah, I feel that.

-You are back!

I love you guys!

Hey, I'm sorry, guys. I mean,

I hope your boys don't lose their legs.

-Thanks, buddy.

-So when do I get to drive again?

Well, that's the thing. The doctor

said you suffered major trauma...

...and he thinks you should

take it slow for a while.

Yeah, so, I was thinking, like,

while you're resting up and stuff...

-...maybe you could let me win a few.

-Well, there you go.

Yeah, that ain't gonna happen.

Yeah. I'm Ricky Bobby.

I mean, you know how I play it.

-Yeah.

-First or last, right, baby?

-Don't know what I was thinking.

-Besides...

...Dennit Jr. must be freaking out.

All the money he's losing?

Without me on the track?

I mean, I just laugh...

...thinking about him whining

all the time, bitching and moaning:

''Damn, I wish Ricky was here.''

You know what I mean?

What?

Frenchy can drive.

Oh, no.

Very good.

C'est la vie and que sera, sera.

lt looks like the NASCAR

has gone French.

Well, in other news, Ricky Bobby...

...is going to be running some test laps

this weekend at Rockingham...

...in an attempt to come back

from his grisly crash.

It's one of the hardest things

to do in racing.

To try to bounce back after

a devastating, violent wreck.

Ricky Bobby was traumatized

during the incident.

All right, baby.

Come on, now.

But today he gets to strap back into

a racecar for the first time since...

...to try to show he can still

get the job done.

-He's gonna be great. Yep.

-He's gonna be great, sure.

Would you stop staring at me like that,

Susan? I swear...

...you are the weirdest little girl

I've ever seen.

Okay, I'm really gonna open it up!

I missed you, Mama Speed.

Ricky Bobby's back.

Wait, how fast is he going?

Twenty-six miles an hour.

What were those things?

Were those the other cars?

Oh, God. So fast.

Go, baby! There you are.

Am I on fire? I'm on fire.

-No, no, you're not on fire.

-Stretch it out.

-It's okay, baby.

-Take it easy.

-Oh, God, I'm gonna get sick.

-Oh, God.

-Oh, he's in his underwear again.

-Ricky! Please put your clothes on.

He's in his underwear again.

Go get him, fellas.

Oh, Lord.

You know who's gonna be

number one at Dennit Racing?

-Not Ricky?

-I'm gonna windmill you.

Mr. CaI Naughton Jr.

-Come back at him. It's the only way.

-Who are you?

-Number one.

-No.

-Oh, yes, ma'am.

-Ricky! Come on, man!

It's embarrassing.

The ninjas are trying to get me.

The ninjas are trying to get me.

-Oh, my God.

-What happened?

What happened? He's done.

He's done.

That's what's happened.

It's over. He's finished.

What's gonna happen to me?

I feel like I was riding inside

an asteroid or a comet or something.

Yeah, you were going fast.

-Look at that.

-What are we gonna do?

This is ugly.

This is bad for all of us. Look at that.

-I gotta go check on cuckoo bird.

-No, cuckoo's okay.

Why don't you get over there

and settle down Carley for me?

-Could you do that for me?

-Yes, sir.

There you go.

What began as a day

of hope and optimism...

...for Ricky Bobby and his race team

has ended here in sad disappointment.

There we go, boy.

-I lost all muscle control.

-Yeah, you did.

-He just lost his muscle controI is all.

-I lost my muscle control.

He's fine.

He just can't controI the muscles.

-Thanks for the lift, Hershell.

-Yeah, no problem.

Jenga!

I love you, Cal.

-Good one, kiddo.

-What the hell's going on?

Hey, Ricky, nice of you

to stop by for a visit.

What do you mean, a visit?

This is my house.

Baby...

...shoot. I'm so sorry.

I really--

I didn't want it to be this way.

Hey, what happened

to the family portrait?

You just crudely pasted

your face over mine.

We're getting married, Ricky.

And we're getting matching

leprechaun tattoos.

lsn't that cute?

With a little pot of gold.

ls this some kind of joke?

You guys putting me on?

I was gone three hours.

Dennit just fired me from the team.

Ricky, you and l...

...we both know that this marriage

has been over for a long, long time.

No! I honestly did not know that!

Ricky, you can't race no more.

I'm not going back to being poor

and dancing at the Wizard's Den.

You know, my old boyfriend Greg?

He still works there

and he was crazy.

Baby, stop.

Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Just a second.

Let me make sure I got this straight.

Are you asking me for a divorce?

-Yay! Two Christmases!

-Yay! Two Christmases!

Cal?

How could you do this to me, man?

Ricky, your marriage was

a hollow shell.

lt was a cruel charade.

She just gave me the 41 1

on the whole deal.

And you know what else?

You never let me win one time.

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