Tammy Page #5

- All right. Let me just-

No.

Let's go.

This is mine.

- I need my beer.

You got beer?

Yeah. I got beer.

- They're still in the store.

Bye.

Okay, we're leaving right now.

- Just get the drunk out of here.

You know what?

- All right. Watch it.

Oh, hey.

- Hi. Thanks for the beer.

What?

Yeah, nice try. I'm not buying you beer.

No, you don't have to. I already bought it

for them because these are my new friends.

This is Jesse. And the girl.

And we have an arrangement...

...where I'm getting them the beer,

and they're gonna give me a ride out of here.

How? On their bikes?

The f***ing old lady promised us a beer,

so give it to me.

Don't swear in front of my grandma,

you piece of sh*t.

Hey, you're being a real b*tch, lady.

Don't say "lady."

I'm not that much older than you.

What do you care? If you don't give us beer,

we're gonna turn to drugs-

I hope you do drugs. I want you to do

bath salts and then eat her face off.

- Just give it to me.

No!

- I'll take that.

- Cool it, Jesse.

Don't shake the beer. It's gonna explode.

I thought you were cool. Stop it, Jesse.

- I'm not afraid to hit a girl.

- Neither am I.

Get off me! Get off me, you f***ing rat!

Yeah, nice jeans shorts.

Oh, f***. The cops!

Hey!

Don't. That's my grandma's beer!

Oh, God. I'm sorry!

- I'm sorry. That-

- Uh-uh.

Put your hands up.

All right. All right.

Get your hands up.

Two pens. One half-eaten Rolos.

One lighter.

Hairbrush. One necklace.

Two bags of trail mix.

Forty-two dollars and...

...10, 20...

...23 cents. Sign here.

Yeah.

- What are you doing?

- You were snoring and then you stopped.

I just wanted to check

and see if you were still breathing.

I'm sorry.

Well, keep your fingers out of my nose.

No, I mean I'm sorry for landing us in here.

Well, it's not like you're the worst person

in the world.

I mean, you're close, but...

I cheated on Greg.

With the ice-cream man.

You had intercourse with Jerry Miller?

No. I didn't do it With him.

I just let him play with my b*obs.

You didn't do it for the free ice cream,

did you?

Not at first.

I don't know why I did it.

I think at first, I just wanted attention...

...and then I kind of got hooked

on Klondikes.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm the worst person in the world.

Oh, I don't think that.

What's worse than Jerry Miller?

I tried to sleep with your father.

What?

I tried to sleep with your father.

Ew.

Nothing happened.

Don was a perfect gentleman.

He put me back to bed before your mother

got home. Nothing happened. Nothing.

Look, I was not in my right mind

for many years because of the drinking...

...and when I realized

that I'd stepped over the line...

...where I was actually thinking of sleeping

with my own daughter's husband...

...well, then I just didn't know

what could happen and...

That's why I left.

Oh, my God.

- Grandma.

- No, don't. Ow. They're fine.

My God, they look really bad.

- They're fine.

Tammy Banks?

Yeah.

- Let's go. Bail's been posted.

- Okay. Let's go.

Yeah. I bailed you out,

but I'm gonna stay a little bit longer.

Just there's a little, um...

...small glitch.

Let's go.

We're charging her

with possession of oxycodone.

Well, she's got prescriptions for everything.

She's old.

She had 32 oxycodone pills,

and they were not prescribed to her.

Judge set her bail at $3000.

We don't have that kind of money.

Jesus, she needs to get out of there now.

You know she's got diabetes

and probably tons of other sh*t.

I've got diabetes. Glen's got diabetes.

Diabetes is a very manageable condition.

I don't give a f*** about Glen.

I'm sorry. I don't. I don't know you.

My grandma needs to get out of there now.

Then you better get $3000.

- How am I supposed to do that?

- It's not my problem, lady.

- Yeah, thanks a lot.

You're welcome.

- I didn't mean "thank you."

- I didn't mean "you're welcome."

You're done here.

You better leave while you can.

- Yeah, she did. Yes.

- She did?

Hello?

- Hey, it's me.

Do we have, like, a Christmas account

or a savings account with...?

Is she there?

Uh,yeah.

Okay, bye.

How much?

- Sixteen hundred dollars.

- What?

No, I'm not gonna fund your spring break.

Why hasn't your grandma called me back?

Could you just trust me for once, okay?

Can I just have the money?

What's wrong? Is it Grandma?

- No. I told you she was fine.

- Oh, God.

I told you this was a bad idea.

But you didn't wanna listen to me.

I hate to say it, but...

...I told you so.

I know you're right.

But I know how to fix this now.

How are you gonna fix it?

Hello? Tammy? Tammy?

I gotta go. I know what I'm gonna do.

I can do this.

Be a bad-ass.

I am a bad-ass. I'm a bad-ass.

Aah. My finger.

Freeze. Nobody move.

- Sh*t. Don't move.

- Okay.

Don't move.

Unh. Dang it.

Don't even think about it.

I'm gonna need you

to put all the cash in a bag.

- Okay.

Hey, you. Get out here.

Keep your hands where I can see them.

Hey, just make it- I only need 1600, really.

- You don't want all of it?

No, just 1600.

My grandma's still got 1400.

- Just make it 1650. Round up.

- Okay.

You, give me some pies.

Give me some of the good pies. Hey!

- What?

Jesus.

I said, give me some of those pies.

Take them from the back so they're fresh.

All right, you, go to the other register.

- Get the higher bills. Go.

Okay, okay.

Reach to the back, man.

Don't give me shitty pies. You'll regret it.

No screwing around.

I got you both covered. All right?

But excuse me. That's your finger, though.

Is it? Is that just my finger?

I'm not sure. Is it?

Shut up.

I would- For your own sake, don't get sassy.

- Okay. Sorry. Yeah.

Okay?

- Just get pie. You want some pies?

- I like pie.

Well, get a pie out for you, get a pie out for-

If you change your attitude,

I'd like to give you some pies. On me.

No, thanks. I don't care for them.

Goddamn it. What did we just talk about?

I have a gun on you. I offered you pie.

He likes pies. He's got a gun to his face.

Anything I say, he's gonna like.

I ask you. You want some pies?

I like pies.

Come on, that's what I'm talking about.

I feel like we're getting somewhere...

...and under different circumstances

this would probably work out.

We'd probably be, you know, good pals.

Like, see movies and, you know.

- Yeah.

Like, find a hot tub or...

I have one at my apartment complex.

Oh, man.

Okay. That would be-

Fingers crossed we meet up again.

- Yeah.

All right.

Put a stack of pies for her, a stack for me.

- I think this is all of it.

Just get over there.

- Go. Don't walk right toward the gun.

- Sorry.

Put pies in there. Put them in.

Don't creep up on me like that.

Larry, seriously.

- You like apple?

I do like apple.

But don't make me...

I don't wanna have to choose between you.

Choose Larry.

Larry, she's telling me to take you out.

It's just, you're so much older, you know?

Oh, my gosh.

- I'm a veteran.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

I'm gonna have to put you in the cooler.

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