Tammy Page #6

Come on, let's go. Today. Get your pies.

Let's go.

Larry, it's a real honor.

I wanna thank you for your service.

Here.

Don't know if it's a blanket or a towel,

but it'll keep you warm.

I'll call the cops in 10 minutes

and let them know you're in here.

Damn it.

Sh*t. Come on.

Oh...

Come on.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh.

Ow.

Where do I go to bail somebody out?

Name?

Tammy?

- Where have you been?

- What?

- Uh, never mind. Yeah.

- Okay.

Let's go.

- Well, slow down, slow down.

- Okay, I'm sorry. Okay?

How did you even get out?

Well, I called Earl...

...and he very generously had Bobby

wire the bail money to the station.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

What are you doing with oxy?

I mean, whose pills are those?

Well, they're mine. My foot was hurting...

...and my pills weren't working,

so I asked the Robinson boy if he had any.

- Eugene? Eugene's a drug dealer.

Uh-huh.

Oh, no.

Yeah, he stands on the street

and sells drugs in little sandwich bags.

- Did you think he was a pharmacist?

He's organized.

Yeah, so was Hitler.

- courthouse grounds over the next two years...

...and upgrade those grounds throughout.

In other news, there was a robbery

at the Oaktree Topperjack's.

Two employees were held at gunpoint.

Michelle Li joining us live at the scene.

Oh, sh*t.

Authorities are describing this person

as 5'2", white, female.

The robber had a navy T-shirt

featuring a bear with "Mahalo" written on it.

The robber was last seen driving...

...an older-model Cadillac, hauling a Jet Ski.

The suspect made off with $1600...

- That's quite a coincidence. Huh?

Ll:
...and 13 signature pies.

Yeah, and she was super bossy.

But she did give us pies, so that was cool.

We're certainly glad that you're sa-

What have you done?

Sit down. Right now. Sit down.

Well?

- Well, your feet were really puffy...

- Yeah.

...and they looked really messed up.

I didn't know how else

to get that kind of money.

And I was afraid

if I didn't get you out of there...

...something bad was gonna happen to you.

And I just always screw stuff up,

and I didn't wanna...

- I didn't wanna screw that up.

- Oh, sweetie.

My sweet, sweet, sweet girl. Oh.

I'm sorry.

Look at me.

You have to take that money back.

If you don't take it back,

I'm gonna turn you in myself.

You gotta take the money back.

You gotta take the pies back.

All right?

I can't really take all the pies back.

Why not?

Oh, okay.

- I kind of got into them.

- Okay.

You're more bad-ass than I ever thought.

I think you take after your grandma after all.

Hmm?

All right.

- We'll fix it tomorrow.

- Yeah.

We'll fix it.

- I'm not.

- Yes, you are.

- I'm not wearing it.

- I just made it for you.

It's full of grease. Look at this.

- Can you put it on before someone sees us?

- You realize how much it clogs your veins-

Put it on. You're killing me.

- All right.

You have to argue about everything.

Oh, that's kind of calming, actually.

Just throw the money through the window

and we'll get out of here.

All right. Fine. Here we go.

Oh, God. No, I'm returning it.

She's returning the money.

I'm returning the money to you.

- I'm calling the police.

Oh, no. We're gonna need more pies.

I'm not robbing you. I'm giving it back.

God, stop freaking out. Stop crying.

I'm returning this to you.

Listen carefully. Keep the car running.

No, just relax. It's okay.

Everything's normal. It's cool.

My, uh, bandit partner,

she just accidentally robbed you last night.

She didn't really mean it.

And here's the money back.

No hard feelings.

Are you the grandma?

Look right here.

None of this happened.

None of this happened.

Just relax. None of this happened.

Oh. What are you doing?

You said "Come a-running."

I said "Keep the car running."

You need to be more articulate.

I have a bag on my head.

And by the way, why does mine have no

expression and yours has a smiley face?

It's not smiling. I'm showing tiger teeth.

Oh, I thought it was a mustache and a smile.

Just go. Go, go.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Don't be a hero!

- Hey.

Hey. Where's Larry?

- He has the day off. He's pretty shaken up.

Oh.

Just tell him hi.

Okay.

Watch the curb, watch the curb.

Oh, Jesus, she's crying up a storm.

Somebody go hug her.

It's okay, Kathleen.

Oh, my God! Ha-ha-ha.

Niagara Falls, here we come!

Not in this car. We're gonna go down straight

and then take a right.

- What?

- Yeah.

Oh, Lenore.

- Hey.

- Hey. It's been too long.

Too long. Sweetie, you look so great.

Aw. It's great to see you.

Come here.

- Aw. Is this little Tammy?

Look at you.

Oh. Darling, last time I saw you,

you were knee-high to a grasshopper.

- Yeah, I'm taller.

Yes, you are.

- You don't remember me, do you?

- No, I do.

- You wanna see some ID? Family album?

Ha, ha.

- She got a sense of humor?

- Yes. Sometimes.

- Oh, darling. How's your morn?

Good, I think.

You know, not real thrilled with us

at the moment.

Yeah, Pearly filled me in.

You knocked over a Topperjack's?

- Grandma.

- Lenore's cool.

That the vehicle

you perpetrated your crime with?

Yeah.

Okay.

This is what we're gonna do.

Get in there and take everything out.

Clean everything out of it,

all the evidence, okay?

You're on the lam.

You're a fugitive from justice.

Think about it that way.

- Jesus.

- And we'll pull that trailer off.

- And I'll pop those plates, okay?

- Okay, what do you want me to do?

Oh, honey, why don't you hunker on back

down there in that RV, put your feet up?

- I got this covered.

- Okay.

- Alrighty.

- All right.

Ow.

Four dollars a gallon.

Thanks, Obamacare. Ugh.

- I don't think this is such a good idea.

I do.

You wanna go to prison for robbing a store?

Well, I returned the money.

Well, I'm not a lawyer...

...but I don't think you want the police

getting ahold of this car.

Sh*t.

I wouldn't stand there if I was you.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God.

Buckle up.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, holy sh*t.

Oh, I am so happy every time I come here.

Susanne.

- Hi.

- Hi, Pearly.

Oh, it's so good to see you.

So good to see you.

Isn't that precious?

Yes, I do remember you.

Hey, Tammy. I haven't seen you in ages.

- Welcome, welcome.

- Thanks.

- Holy sh*t, you guys are loaded.

- Tammy, that is so rude.

Oh, what?

This is like Falcon Crest sh*t and stuff.

I thought you owned a pet food store.

Yeah, well, I own 22 of them.

- No.

- Yeah.

- Wasn't it, like, Martha's or Mabel's?

- Merlin's.

Why Merlin's?

- Because I dig wizards, man.

- Oh, my God, I do too. I love wizards.

- Get out of town.

I like them because they can blow sh*t up

with their fingers.

Tammy, have you ever been

to a lesbian Fourth of July party?

Not that I know of.

Well, they are fun. Come on, Penny.

So let's hear this again. I'm fascinated.

I just- I meant it-

I meant it as a compliment.

I said you were super hot.

You know what I mean.

When I think of what a lesbian looks like...

- ...I think of somebody who looks more like-

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