Tapas Page #3

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Pray every day

for the Almighty...

to bear you in mind and to put off

the inevitable as long as possible.

And nothing better

than the intersession of...

St. Gemma Galgani,

Our Lady of Perpetual Help...

and one of the classics for health,

Our Lady of Lourdes.

We do home services too.

Take this brochure.

Take it home, read about...

our services of extreme unction

and prayers for the dead.

Thank you very much, Father.

Lets go to the Salamander

for something relaxing.

You know, a couple of beers

then home. What do you say?

No, with you its always a couple

of beers then something else.

Do you know where

the angel cakes are?

Sure.

Down that aisle on the left.

But have you thought?

If angels don't need to eat,

why should they eat cake?

So young and such a dick already!

Cesar, what a pair of tits!

I'll get some more boxes.

-Hello.

-Hello.

Do you work here?

Yes.

-I was looking for the wine.

-The wine?

Over there.

Come on.

-How about this one?

-This one?

Well, this one's...

16 euros 79.

Its a bit dear,

but its fantastic.

Have you tried it?

Not this one, no.

I'd like to invite you

to dinner tonight.

For fixing the video.

You can try it then.

-I don't know...

-Sorry, I'm putting you on the spot.

No, no. I'd like that.

Sure? Maybe you've arranged

to meet your friends...

No, really.

I haven't got any plans for tonight.

What time?

-Are you really sure?

-Yes.

-Ten o'clock?

-Fine.

Right.

-See you later then.

-Wait!

-What?

-The wine.

Julian? Julian?

Its me Manuel,

your brother-in-law.

Fine.

Fine. Too hot.

Yes, I know its cooler there.

Anyway, I just rang

to see how you all were.

Yes.

Yes.

We don't get any younger.

Rosalia?

Fine. She's here

doing some cleaning.

She sends her love.

No, she can't come on now.

We're really busy. Yes.

We were thinking of going

to Torrevieja for a few days.

We'll see.

Yes.

Okay, nice to hear you.

Love to everyone.

Bye.

Where the f*** is that woman?

-I can't go to the Salamander.

-Come on!

Just a couple of beers and thats

it, I swear on Bruce Lee's widow.

-I'm meeting someone.

-Sure, you're meeting me.

Hold on, hold on a minute.

You're meeting someone?

Look me in the eye.

-In the eye, you bastard.

-What?

You bastard!

You are meeting someone!

Who are you meeting?

Out with it, don't be a bastard.

Tell me, damnit!

Nuri, the checkout girl.

Nuri, the checkout...

Like hell you are!

She's a dyke.

If her girlfriend found out,

she'd tie a knot in your dick.

Go on, man! Don't be a p*ssy!

Say it!

-The girl from the chickpea shop.

-F*** me!

The one who sells chickpeas?

-Really?

-Yes.

And you're expecting

a f***, aren't you?

She just wants

to thank me for the video.

Were you born yesterday?

She must be gasping for it.

My mum said her husband

left her 2 years ago.

-So?

-What you mean "So"?

She'll snap you up

like this with her twat.

-After 2 years.

-What do you know?

You have no f***ing clue

what you're saying.

All right, go ahead.

-But she'll eat you alive.

-Yeah, whatever.

Good evening.

Do you have 5 minutes

for the word of God?

Not now.

-Hello.

-Hello.

You and the word of God

can f*** right off!

Well...

A heavy day, right?

Anyway...

Yes, sir.

You've worked hard, yes, sir.

I like helping

people like you out.

I had to emigrate once to survive.

I worked in

the Helvetian Confederation.

Thats Switzerland to the layman.

As a skilled worker, of course.

Thats the trouble. You people

come here without qualifications.

There's no free ride here, Mahou.

Not Mahou.

My name's Mao.

Chef of deluxe restaurant,

Hong Kong.

I see. Hong Kong.

Very nice.

Have you had any supper, Mao?

Lets make something then.

Anything'll do for me.

Make a bacon omelet or something.

Mao.

Like Mao Tse Tung?

Actually, you know,

I'm a bit of a communist.

Its all been really nice.

But I don't know

if its worth feeling like this.

How?

I don't know.

Really.

Its getting light.

-We should get some sleep.

-Right.

You at your place,

me at mine.

Why?

Because this is my bed...

and I'm used to sleeping alone.

Okay.

What time does Conchi come in?

-Later.

-Can we have 4 glasses of water?

-The tap's dry.

-What do you mean "dry"?

Forget it. Lets go.

Get out, dog!

Mariano! Mariano!

What is it? What is it?

Wake up! Speak to me!

Mariano!

Morning.

-Here.

-I don't feel like it.

Sugar's good for you

when you've lost glucose...

sweat and high-protein fluids.

As in your case.

You f***ed her, right?

-Is she a good f*** then?

-Excuse me.

She's just another bird.

You don't need to talk.

Just nod or shake your head.

Did she blow you or not?

-What a pain you are.

-Did she or not?

No.

But she stuck her finger

up my ass when I came.

Sh*t! F***ing great!

Did you ask her

if she had 2 sleeping bags?

Remember we're going

to Benicassim.

I'll ask her next time.

You're seeing her again?

No, but I have

to return her video.

You'll f*** up.

Your husband ought to come here.

You know how stubborn he is.

Tell him to come in

for observation for a few days.

He just doesn't want to know.

He thinks there's no hope at all.

That its virtually over.

Look, we can't do anything

to stop the fainting spells...

but we can do something

to help relieve the pain.

This medicine contains morphine.

It has to be taken

in very small doses...

and only when the pain comes.

But please try and persuade him

to come in and see us.

All right.

I'll try, doctor.

-Raquel, I said lentils.

-Oh, sorry.

I'll get them right away.

-With this heat you can't think.

-You look nice today.

Yes, the heat.

You're telling me.

A couple of Mormons

came round last night...

...and if Antonio hadn't been in...

-What?

I might have shown them

Heaven's door.

-They were too young for you.

-So what?

Some women go to Cuba

for the young boys.

Now they're pathetic.

-At least they have fun.

-And some water.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-What a surprise.

-I brought the video.

Where have you been?

I haven't seen you for 2 days.

-Some little birdie, I expect.

-Really?

-Is he dipping his wick on the sly?

-Probably. Like his dad.

-Hey!

-Only joking.

-Got a girlfriend?

-Stop that, mom!

-Whats her name?

-Come on, tell me. Anyone I know?

-Is she local?

-Tell me.

-Leave him alone!

-My little Cesar's got a girlfriend.

-Will you f***ing leave me alone!

-Hey!

-Its all right.

-You clumsy fool!

Piss off!

-He's in a daze.

-Hormones.

He's in love.

Its okay.

Its only a video.

Welcome to "Show Cooking"

with Ferran Adria.

Now to end this series,

here's a classic.

Gallcian scallops.

And to make Galician scallops

we'll need some scallops...

tomatoes, garlic, onions,

paprika and a little bread.

We cut the tomatoes

In little cubes.

We put this In here,

and cut the onion and the garlic...

In slices.

We fry it for a while,

and put it aside.

Then we do the same with the garlic.

We cut the scallops...

In thin slices. Then we prepare

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