Teacher of the Year Page #5

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I want a piece of that...

... ...you start to salivate.

Right? Pavlovian,

you salivate, kid's in.

They said that if I want to go to Stanford.

I have to wear more hats.

They said Stanford likes 'hat people.'

Palo Alto's a hat town.

Stanford is like a huge hat school.

Yeah.

I mean, you're not wearing a hat,

you're not fitting in.

And if you don't know that,

then you're not doing your job as...

...a college counselor.

They said colleges would like me better...

...if I lost 60 pounds.

So, I'm bulimic now.

But it's for my education,

so it's okay.

That was unfortunate.

That was not our plan.

That was not a great...

...I mean, she just kept...

... But if you look at her

now, look at her now,

she looks pretty good.

If she just keeps it...

... If she doesn't go any further...

... She's good.

You don't need any of these...

...states right here.

Yeah, forget these states, these are just...

...full of fat, mad people.

That's right.

You see these states?

Fat, angry people.

As you can see right in here,

this is the Big Ten.

Lot of football.

Lot of drinking.

Lot of keg stands.

This is where you want to be.

So, I mean, that is college right there.

Yeah, if you think about college,

think about a guy

passed out in a bush...

...Urinating on himself.

All over his own pants.

Like a homeless person would.

That's University of Illinois right there.

That is literally...

In a nutshell.

On the crest,

that is what it is.

Mmm-hmm.

And then also,

we're out here, guys.

We're in California.

You can stay here at home.

If you don't want to go

all the way out over...

...here, stay here at home.

Why?

Three words.

Weed is legal.

Nailed it.

Yeah.

I don't know how we do it.

It's magic.

There are times when I wake up...

...and I wish I knew.

And then there are times when.

I wish I didn't know.

And right now is one of those times.

Where I wish I didn't know...

...that I do know.

And you...

...still don't know.

I'll take it from here.

I know what you...

...guys are thinking.

'I gotta get to New York City.'

Right, bicoastal.

'Get me to the Big Apple.'

Hightail it up there. No.

No.

That is a bad idea.

You are gonna get cut.

Horrible.

Each and every one of you.

You're gonna get cut a lot.

We got cut. Went to New York City.

Yeah, we did.

We got cut twice.

Same guy.

And that, more than anything, tells you,

don't go see a matinee of

Spider-Man the Musical...

...on a Wednesday.

Not during the middle

of the week, you don't.

Why you gonna go up here?

Hightail it down here.

Amish country.

Pennsylvania, Franklin...

...and Marshall University,

great school,

go out there, you...

...roll an Amish guy.

It's fun, right? Get a couple

cocktails in you, get out...

...there with some friends.

They're not gonna fight back.

Maybe they'll throw a butter churn at you.

Maybe.

Second place,

city finals.

I mean, forget nationals, we don't...

...even qualify for states.

Should've seen the first place trophy, too.

It was a silver cup.

Just like, I could've drank my coffee out...

...of it in the morning,

but now it's just me

and the little guy, so...

... There will be no Super-Robot Bowl 5,

that's for sure.

The Scarlet Letter gives Hester the power...

...to see the sin in others.

So she knows that nearly

everyone in the Boston area...

... believes that they're sinners.

But when they learn of Hester's public...

...sin of adultery,

they jump at the

chance to punish her...

... because they want to prove their purity...

...to everyone else.

Now, Hawthorne

tells us that everyone sins.

Going back to Adam and

Eve failing God in...

...the Garden of Eden.

And we feel so guilty.

'Oh, no, God is disappointed in me.'

We feel bad and it sucks.

If we would just let

each other's mistakes go,

we'd be so much happier, but we don't.

No, we're constantly trying to make each...

...other feel bad,

hoping that it will make us feel better.

And that is where evil comes from.

Not from the devil,

not from hell.

Evil is simply a byproduct of human...

...fear and weakness.

All right,

how 'bout Claudius?

He dies like a b*tch.

All right.

Uh...

Yeah, that's a start.

Do you have a citation from the...

...play to back that up?

Yeah, I wrote it down here.

'O, yet defend me,

friends, I am but hurt.'

It's good. Good,

you got one for Ophelia?

I use Act IV, where she goes crazy, just...

...before she kills herself.

Wrote it here.

'Young men will do't, if

they come to't, by cock,

they are to blame.'

Um, why'd you choose that quote?

I don't know.

She said 'cock'?

Yeah, you went deep

there, didn't you?

Young men will do it, if they come to it,

by cock, they are to blame.

It's better than that crap you pulled in...

...my class on Monday.

Aw, Coach, why you

gotta play me like that?

Did you have any lunch?

Nah, I didn't have any lunch.

Take half my sandwich.

Thanks.

Next up.

Thanks for coming, Mitch.

Uh, well, yeah, no, we

gotta get right on this.

Well, um, I'm all over it. I spoke...

...to the mother.

We're gonna meet

with them and Mr. Campbell...

...tomorrow afternoon.

Good. Good. Okay,

I'm glad we're dealing...

...with it right away.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, God, if the media gets ahold of it, then.

Brian's career is over.

Yeah. You're kidding, right?

What?

Mitch, Brian's finished.

At this point I'm just trying...

...to protect the school.

But he didn't do anything.

Why? Because a girl who's

failing his class...

...says so?

Look, Mitch,

I'm not insensitive...

...to Brian's situation.

It's just that the school cannot afford...

...He's got a family, Ron.

Have you ever heard

of one of these problems...

...resolving itself peacefully?

The teacher always takes the fall.

Right, because bureaucrats like you are...

...pushing him off the cliff.

I spoke to the girl.

I spoke to her mother.

Did you speak to Brian?

I mean, five years he...

...has bled for this place.

Did you talk to Brian,

or did you just fire him...

...and send him on his way?

I don't have time for this.

I'd like an answer to my question.

Mitch, be here tomorrow at 5:00 p.m.

This meeting is over.

Thing about Ron is,

he has his own...

...managerial style.

There's worse. There's

worse principals than Ron.

No, okay, guys,

what are you doing?

We shouldn't be talking

about our boss on camera.

He's an idiot.

Okay.

I could've... That's...

... Ron Douche couldn't lead three people...

...out of an elevator...

... with a map and a flashlight.

Eric.

Come on, that's a little harsh.

Whatever.

I don't care.

I got tenure.

It's not that I don't like Ron Douche.

I don't like the way he does his job.

I don't think he's here for the kids.

Are you here for the kids?

Or are you here for...

...your next promotion?

I don't really know her very well, I just...

Just by reputation.

What I do know is that

Brian has such a good heart.

I just don't believe it's true.

Yeah, Brian's in serious trouble.

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