Teacher of the Year Page #6

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But he knows better.

You never let yourself be alone in...

...a room with a student,

girl or boy, or even two.

They work in teams sometimes.

And they see me,

I'm down in the gym,

I'm on the treadmill,

shorts, tank top,

a lot of times I get sweaty at lunch.

You don't know what these

kids are gonna think.

And at that age,

they can't resist.

So, I need to be the one

who steps up and says,

'Not today,

mister, or missus.

'Or both of you.'

Yeah, yeah, we know

the Campbells very well.

The guys met in college,

and then...

...Jackie and I are really close.

I mean, she's one of my best friends.

I don't know, I'm just...

...I'm dying inside for this

woman, but I swear to God,

I have no idea what to say to her.

What's going on at that

school, what's been...

...going on at that school,

is disgusting.

And people need to hear about it.

We've just been bystanders

this entire time...

...and I had no idea how that would...

...end up hurting our family.

And people need to know.

If it wouldn't have been us, it would've...

...been somebody else.

I don't understand how

someone so young...

...could be so full of hate.

So full of...

...just vile and viscous anger

to lash out like this.

And I hate to say it,

but the person that I look to is the mother.

And I don't understand how

she could've let this happen.

And you know,

I'm about to become...

...a mother and I...

...Uh, I hate to be so judgmental,

but if in 18 years I've

become like that woman,

I don't know how I could live with myself.

This is the crib from

Kate and Mitch, you know.

They gave it to us right

after we told them that...

...we were having Jackson.

Yes.

And then now, of course,

they need it,

but they're letting us keep

it 'cause they're...

...They're just wonderful, and...

Yeah.

And they've been there

for us, through this, too.

They were the first

ones that we told, and...

... I met with a lawyer, which is...

...bizarre, and I never expected...

... to actually be in the situation of having...

...to defend myself.

And I waited for a phone call...

... from, uh, my principal,

Mr. Douche.

And, uh, that didn't come.

So I'm expecting to

have to defend myself,

tomorrow, and uh...

... And hopefully be able

to take care of my family.

To say that parent-teacher conferences...

... tend to cause some anxiety

amongst the faculty...

... would be a gross understatement.

We've got a diverse bunch

of personalities...

...and we all deal with the night

in our own way.

Personally, I can't say

I dislike them because...

...sometimes they're great.

We know he's not studying enough.

We took away his computers,

telephone, his TV.

That's good,

that's all good.

It's an important part of our job,

and when a conference goes well,

it can really make a difference.

Well, let's talk about some strategies you...

...can employ, okay?

If you would just turn the television...

...off for five minutes...

...and let him do his homework...

... Oh, how's the view from

the grandstand, Phil?

I'm the one raising him

while you're out vacationing...

...with your whore.

In reality, though,

it's usually a long night.

And normally, I like the

kids to believe that there...

...are no stupid questions,

but sometimes I think

Marcus asks questions...

...just to disrupt my class.

Really?

Can you give me an example?

Well, last week,

in the middle of a quiz,

he raised his hand to ask me

if I had ever considered...

... how weird the Teletubbies are.

I love that moment when

I tell the mother what...

...her kid's been up to...

... and she makes that face.

What?

I call it the 'I'm gonna smack his ass...

... 'with a hairbrush in the

parking lot' face.

The 'I'm gonna smack

his ass with a hairbrush...

...in the parking lot' face...

... may not be my favorite thing

about teaching,

but it's definitely in the top five.

Ooh, angry parents.

Rough night,

rough night.

I don't like getting yelled at, I'll...

...tell you that much.

What is wrong with them. Whew.

you might be the worst guidance...

...counselors of all time.

I take that as a compliment.

I like that.

I'll tell you why, because...

...what would be worse

is if you said nothing.

We provoked a reaction.

Yeah, it's what we do.

You told students in my class...

...that they probably

wouldn't survive the day.

Some of them won't or didn't.

I don't know about that.

Got a rise out of you.

Mrs. Rose, simply put,

your son is too stupid to

be on the robotics team.

How dare you say anything

like that about my son.

No, it's not me,

it's nothing personal.

I'm just wondering, uh,

did you drop him as a child?

Was he deprived oxygen

for over three minutes?

How dare you say anything like that...

...about my son.

All I'm saying is, if he

doesn't get his act together,

then I'm gonna design a robot specifically...

...to choke him out.

Um, Eric and I do a cover band.

This is one of the things...

Talk about.

Teacher of the Year,

and I think a lot of times,

guys who go out...

...and do all kinds of extracurricular activity,

um...

... They have to make it happen.

Yeah, and you know,

we show the kids...

Not just in the classroom.

Right, we show the kids that there's a...

...world outside of school.

Mmm-hmm.

And so we have...

...a cover band.

It is of a band I was a big, uh, fan of,

it's called the Indigo Girls.

Hmm.

Yes, it's one of your favorites, isn't it?

It is true,

and so it's a duet.

Uh, duo.

And so, one problem is...

... I don't... I don't play the guitar.

Not a note.

And, uh...

And I don't sing.

No. But the... Unfortunately

it was a duo, so I...

...needed someone else...

... and you had weekends free,

and so we'll do a gig down

at like Ruby Tuesday's.

You have no control over these kids.

I see.

You haven't taught my son one thing.

He has not learned one thing in your class.

Mrs. White, may I

ask you a question?

Oh, you have a question for me?

Yes, if you don't mind...

Oh, really, what...

What is it?

Why did you come here tonight?

Excuse me?

If you came here to find

out how your son can do...

... better in my class

and get a higher grade,

we can keep on talking.

But if you've come

here to yell at me,

then this conference is over.

Boom, baby.

I love it.

Don't you wish...

Nice.

All I wanted to say.

Oh, I love that.

Thank goodness somebody said it.

I swear to God,

I would give back half my salary...

...if they would let me...

...punch a parent once a year.

- Yes.

Just once.

So, we play Closer to Fine,

and we'll do it at local establishments.

And, uh, it's the only song I know.

And I don't know it at all.

No, uh, that's a problem,

'cause he doesn't, uh...

... But I look good, so...

...And it's a duo, so we

have to do it together...

... I add color.

You add maybe too

much color sometimes.

Anyway...

In some of the places we play it,

you know, it's...

No, it...

...It's not a colorful bar.

Sometimes...

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