Telling the Story of Us Page #7

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On anyone's yell-o-meter,

that was a yell.

Was that a yell?

He didn't hear it as a yell.

His mom was a yeller.

He still hears her.

How could I hear her?

You drown her out.

It's true.

The last few years,

when Katie opened her mouth...

...all I'd hear was her mother.

Dot.

It wasn't easy for Katie to be raised

by a woman as complicated as Dot.

Please, she wasn't complicated.

She was an idiot who made

everyone else's life complicated.

You wouldn't believe the beautiful

psychological heirlooms...

...this snapping turtle handed down.

Everything's gotta be

in a neat little box...

...with a little blue bow on it.

Punctual.

Ordered.

God forbid anything unexpected

should happen...

...any perchances, happenstances...

...left turns, serendipities!

Nope, no way! Not allowed!

Out-of-bounds! Foul ball!

Too much time being spontaneous!

Everything's gotta be connected.

Gotta connect the dots.

Maybe that's why they call her Dot.

You notice that her name wasn't

Gay or Joy or Fun!

Try the bread--

You can't even f***

unless everything's just right!

Like a plane waiting for takeoff.

Windows shut? Check.

Doors locked? Check!

Heat on? Check!

Have we covered every possible,

single reason...

...why everything is my fault?!

Houston, we got a problem

and her name is Dot!

-Ben, bread.

-There are people like Katie and Dot...

...who color inside the lines,

and people like you...

...who wander outside.

That can be a very endearing quality.

That's why Katie fell in love

with you. Once you have kids--

I am not a third child!

Excuse me if my watch

has no hands on it.

That's fine. It's just, somebody

has to establish the routine--

Are you saying it's all my fault?!

It's nobody's fault!

When people say it's nobody's fault,

they don't mean that.

They mean it's your fault!

The nobody's fault things are...

...hurricanes, earthquakes,

tornadoes, acts of God!

But when a marriage fails,

it's gotta be somebody's fault!

And it's not mine!

Take that f***ing bread and shove it

up the tops of your legs!

Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm dealing

with 5000 things all day long!

Maybe every need you have

doesn't have to be met...

...at the exact moment

you need it to be met!

I'm sick and tired of being

the designated driver of this marriage!

Nobody designated you!

It's a role you gave yourself!

Not once have you seen it

through my eyes!

We don't have a pea under our mattress.

You know what we have?

A f***ing watermelon!

You okay?

Take me to Katie's.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to know what

your high was today.

You should've called.

My high was about you.

Tonight I saw myself

through your eyes.

And I'm sorry.

It might be a nice touch...

...if you add some roasted peanuts

to the sesame--

At some point we should discuss

how to tell the children.

How you doing? Come on in.

This is nice.

Thanks.

It's close to the park.

The kids and I can walk.

You want something to drink?

I'll take water if you don't have

anything else.

We have pretty much

anything you want.

Beer, Gatorade...

...fruit juice, iced tea.

Iced tea is fine.

Here you go.

You have a watch.

Come on in.

Sit down here.

I think we should....

When we pick the kids up Thursday,

we should just tell them that night.

We don't have to tell them right away.

Why?

What will change

between now and Thursday?

Katie, you're seeing someone else.

I'm not seeing him.

We're just talking.

Right.

I won't put up with any more of this

bullshit lying to the kids.

We take them to Chow Fun's, their

favorite restaurant, to tell them.

We can't really talk at Chow Fun's.

We'll go to the house

and tell them at dinner.

After dinner.

We'll all sit down and....

Jesus, how do we say this?

We'll just tell them

how much we love them...

...how amazing and beautiful

they are...

...so they don't think

that any of this is their fault.

That's the important thing.

We'll just say that...

...Mommy and Daddy...

...or Mom and Dad....

You think Mom and Dad?

Mommy and Daddy.

We'll say that Mommy and Daddy

have grown apart.

I was just thinking about Erin.

She'll probably say something like:

"Well, there must be something right

about you guys...

...for you to produce

such beautiful and amazing kids."

She might say something like that,

you know?

We'll just tell her that they were...

...born in love and we'll

always love them...

...but Mommy and Daddy

don't love each other anymore.

Well, wouldn't it be better

if we told them...

...we still love each other,

but in a different way?

Fine.

-We shouldn't say that?

-I said it was fine.

Well, it was kind of a weird "fine."

Should I be thrilled about how we

love each other in a different way?

-Who is it?

-Mr. Jordan, your couch is here.

Where have you guys been?

Come on in.

They were supposed to be here

first thing this morning.

I'll pick you up at 5:00

on Thursday?

So is there...

...anything else

we need to talk about?

Like what?

Nothing.

Bye.

What happened to you?

What happened to that fun girl

with the pith helmet?

You don't think I ask myself

that every day?

I'm talking about a connection!

A look! Something that says

that we're on the same side here!

Isn't this the moment

where one of us says:

"This is ridiculous.

We love each other.

All couples go through this.

Let's give it another try"?

It was supposed to rain today.

Glad it didn't.

Me too.

Turn here. If you take Sepulveda....

What?

Nothing.

Do you, Katie, take Ben...

...to have and to hold...

...in sickness and in health...

...for better or for worse...

-...till death do you part?

-I do.

It's a boy.

It's a girl.

It's a bunny!

It's a home run!

It's chickenpox.

It's over.

I love you.

Damn you!

I love you.

Damn it!

I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I hate you!

F*** me. F*** me.

F*** you!

I love you.

I'm pregnant.

My goldfish died.

My hamster died.

My father's dying.

I'm pregnant.

Maybe we should separate.

Mom! Dad!

You ready?

What's up? It's good to see you.

How you doing?

What's the matter?

She just missed you, that's all.

You've both just grown so big.

Look at you guys.

I hardly recognize you. Wait.

Which one is Erin?

Check it out, Dad.

I guess we know what your high

is today. "Best All-Around Camper."

Congratulations. Look.

I guess this calls for a celebration!

Come on! Riverdance!

I'm the best all-around Riverdancer

Come on. Kind of like

a little "Latin Lupe Lu" thing.

Go with the big finish!

Come on! What?

-I have to see these kids next summer.

-Come on, we're hungry.

Okay. All right.

Let's go home.

I think we should go to Chow Fun's.

Chow Fun's?

We agreed that we

couldn't talk at Chow Fun's.

I know.

What are you saying?

I'm saying Chow Fun's.

Are you saying Chow Fun's

because you can't face telling them?

If that's why, don't say Chow Fun's.

That's not why. I'm saying Chow Fun's

because we're an "us."

There's a history here...

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