Temps Page #4

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how many f***ing times

did I tell you to wrap it up?

You're lucky it was a baby

and not aids.

Yeah, well, I...

I kind of wanted this one.

But, anyway, what's going on

with you, man?

You working, what are you doing?

- Oh, yeah, yeah! You know,

working... oops, sh*t!

Working on not working.

Working on getting

to a mountain each season.

Hey, so, you know,

I was gonna go get a drink.

You should come out with.

-Oh... No, I can't.

I, uh, I gotta get Claudia down.

It's past her bedtime.

-Bedtime? It's like...

-naptime, you know.

- Not really.

- Babies take naps.

- Yeah.

Well, maybe another time then.

We'll go out for a...

You know,

Curtis would love to see you.

Speaking of, do you ever

see will or Nicholas or...

- oh, yeah, yeah.

They're... they're both married.

Will's working on kid

number two.

- What?!

- Yeah, I know.

- What?! Married?!

- Yeah.

- Kids? What...

What happened to you guys?

You all get, like, abducted

by aliens or something?

- Oh, no, we just kind

of grew up, you know.

You know what?

Let me get a picture

of you, too.

The guys are not gonna believe

how much you have not changed.

-Yeah. How about this?

Sun's out, guns out.

Do this.

- Oh, yeah, yeah!

Classic Chucky.

Oh, so stupid.

- It's like old times.

You get it?!

- That's awesome!

Oh, man.

Well, I gotta get out of here,

but good to see you.

- Yeah, totally.

- Say hi to Curtis.

Tell him I remember

he owes me 40 bucks.

- Dude, he's gonna flip.

- Yeah.

All right, see ya.

- Oh, hey, um...

Speaking of, do you think

I could borrow, like, 20 bucks?

- 30 different strands

of chlamydia?

-He was exaggerating.

It was one summer, I got it,

like, twice.

It's not a big deal.

It was like 10 years ago.

- I don't want you hanging out

with him.

- Okay, well, you don't have

to worry about it.

- Hello.

- Hey.

-Unironic knuckle bump.

- What are we moronically

knuckle-bumping to?

- Unironically knuckle-bumping

to the somebody here

who got a real job today.

- What?!

- Yeah.

It's only

an entry-level position,

but it's full-time

with benefits and a key fob!

- I didn't even know

that you were looking or...

Full-time, huh?

- Yeah!

Yeah, I just put it out

into the universe,

then I ran into

this old friend of mine.

Her company was looking,

and the next thing you know...

Key fob!

- Sweet.

Soon you'll be able

to afford some ATV's

and jet skis you'll never use.

-What are you talking about?

-I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

This is exciting.

Come here. Come here.

Mmm!

-Mwah!

Oh.

You don't want to be a temp

for the rest of your life,

do you?

-What?

-Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, what's her name?

- Dad.

- Oh, sounds hot.

- I need to go

get something from him.

- Does this mean

I get to meet your dad?

-No.

- There's my boy!

How are the slopes?!

-Gonna find out.

-Come aboard, come aboard.

- Oh.

- Tricky.

- Oh.

- Mind if I vape?

I got a sweet little

personal-use grow-op topside.

For my migraines

and anxieties... totally legal.

But...

I lace it with a hint of opium.

Not as legal.

Dad, it's 10:
30 in the morning.

- Well, what is you kids say,

it's 4:
20 somewhere.

-Oh, no. Thank you.

-Anyway.

-Oh.

Uh, it's from you grandma.

And then...

I had to borrow,

like, 40 bucks out of there

to cover my health insurance.

-It's... it's fine.

Dad?

Dad?

- Oh, my god, man.

Where's my manners.

Let me give you the grand tour.

Um...

Uh, there's the kitchenette,

um... The microwave oven,

toaster oven, range top.

And here's my bedroom.

Motion of the ocean,

it's like sleeping in the womb.

And then through the kitchenette

is the freedom room.

That's for... Open debate

and discourse

and just vegging out.

Plus, I got directv,

so I watch "whale wars."

- Well, it is

a very lovely home... Boat.

- When Jeffy's mom left,

my whole perspective changed.

And I just looked around,

and I thought,

"do these advanced degrees

hanging on the wall

mean anything?

Does Volvo's safety record

mean anything?"

I'm 15 years into

a 30-year mortgage

and who cares?!

It's prison.

And little Jeffy sprouted

his little wings,

flew the Coop, and that was it.

I just...

Didn't need to own anything,

didn't need to be anywhere,

so I had a friend,

he had a boat,

and I'm living the dream

for $375 a month,

plus I gotta scrape

the barnacles off.

- Okay, we gotta go, dad.

- Yeah, me, too.

Don't be a stranger, okay,

unless that's your thing.

All right, how about a hug.

- Oh.

- Mm!

-So nice to meet you.

-Oh, my god. That feels good!

Dang. Seriously.

What do you gotta do

to score a fox like you?

-Easy.

- By left,

he meant left this earth.

My mother's dead.

-I'm sorry.

-It was a long time ago.

Should have just told you

earlier.

I don't know why I didn't.

-It's okay.

- Yeah, thank god I only have

to see him once a month.

You know...

- Yes.

-No. Mnh-mnh.

- Are you sure he can't hear us?

- Oh, no,

he can definitely hear us,

I just told him not to listen.

- Oh, no, I... no, no.

I can't do this.

- What do you mean you can't

do this? Yes, you can.

- I can't do this.

- Yes, you can totally do this.

You can absolutely...

- no.

- Oh, come on. You can do it

in the bathroom of a bar

or in the broom closet

of an office or in the car,

but you can't do it

with little Curtis around.

-No, no, listen... listen.

- Mm-hmm.

- They were strangers.

I know Curtis,

I have to see him again.

-Want to go to your place?

- I would,

but it's after midnight

and I have to work tomorrow.

-Yeah, so?

-Hey, hey, listen.

How about I just a rain check

for when Curtis is out of town

or something.

-Fine, blue-ball me.

- Ew.

Never, ever say that again.

-Oh, don't ever do it again.

- Oh, by the way,

what are you doing on Saturday?

- Nothing, I don't think.

- Good.

'Cause I plus-oned you to

this girl, Miranda's, wedding.

I just started working with her,

so it's kind of weird

that I even got an invite,

but not surprising seeing

as though

I get invited to everybody's

wedding,

this being the sixth

of the year.

- You plus-oned me to a...

To a wedding?

- Yeah, free food, an open bar,

I figured you wouldn't mind.

- You can't just plus-one

somebody to a wedding

without asking

if they're available first.

- I'm sorry, I didn't think

it would be a thing.

- To... to a wedding?

To a work person's wedding,

and you think

I want to go hang out

with a bunch of stiffs

I have nothing in common with?

- Okay, first of all, they're not

stiffs, they're my friends.

- Oh, and what do you do,

friend of Stephanie's?

Oh, I fill in for you a**holes

for about 1/10 of your salary

whenever one of you has

a stress-related heart attack

on your way to an early grave.

- Wow, sometimes you can be

such a sad, judgy dick.

- I'm a dick?

- Uh-huh!

- You're the one

who plus-oned me to a wedding

without even asking

if I was available first.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

I should have asked.

- Shocking people

even go to those things anymore.

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