Ten Inch Hero Page #2

She asked if that was okay with me.

I thought that was really considerate, you know?

She promised to stay in touch,

to send pictures...

That's nice.

And she did, for about two years.

Then it just stopped.

The last pictures I saw were of Julia's second birthday.

Just like that?

Nothing for...six years...

Then I saw this!

I was reading this article about gifted kids.

In the back they have some pictures of the art students of Santa Cruz, look!

There she is.

Okay, I mean...she kinda looks like you and...

she's the right age, but-

Jen, I'm not whacked.

Okay, look, they list her name.

- Julia! Julia Miller! And, she's artistic.

- Yeah, but-

So I got on the Net and I looked up Millers in Santa Cruz.

There was a million of them, but there was only one under the name "Noah".

That was the husband's name.

So, I waited until the middle of the day, and I called the number.

And I got the voice mail, and...they were on it!

"This is Noah...and Julia."

Like that.

Jen, it's them!

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

Some days it's enough to know that she's happy and healthy and...

...other days...

So...what kind of tricks do you have in mind?

Well, you'll see tonight.

I guarantee you won't be disappointed.

Woodstock, you know, it was just beautiful.

It was perfect, you know?

It was all about peace, and free love, and music-

And draft orgy. Drugs. Irresponsibility. Freak!

Oh, mister J...don't be a buzzkiller!

Just focus on the love, huh?

Hi.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

You hungry?

- Yeah.

Oh...no. Thank you for the rock.

Oh, no...don't even think about it.

My karma needs all the help it can get.

Thank you, Trucker.

Okay, so anyway, they move you wrong about the drugs.

And I wish I was alive back then!

I mean, it's just my luck to hit my sexual peak

during a time when...

...when celibacy is cool, and...the only safe sex is watching porn.

I should've peaked 40 years ago!

What it'd be so better with?

I mean, you still wouldn't get laid,

and you'd still be watching porn.

The only difference would be, you'd be wearing more polyester.

She does have a point, Priestly.

But, at least here you have company.

No one's got much, except for...Tish.

- I'm excited about tonite. Oh, what time?

- Eight thirty.

- Bye.

- Bye!

Oh, don't even start with me!

If men are that easy to have fun of, they deserve what they get.

Hey, I'm easy! Don't I deserve it?

Well, Priestly, see, your problem is you always go after the hot chicks.

You know, you gotta raise your expectations, man!

Excuse me?

Well, really good looking women, they're high maintainance.

And without exception...

..completely worthless between the sheets.

Seriously?

God's truth.

Certainly been my experience.

Oh, pff...you guys are pathetic!

All right. Take Tish, for example.

- Right?

Men are so pumped to be with a body like hers,

that all she's gotta do is just lay back and enjoy the ride, you see?

That way she's never gonna develop any skills in bed.

I second that!

Hey, I work hard!

Hey, don't get me wrong!

Attractive women are great to look at, just...

...don't go home with the prom queen.

- Give her the crown, she'll never go down.

- I was the prom queen!

Well, I rest my case.

All, right, that's it!

You. And me. In the office!

I'll show you how I've had my crown!

Women!

They are so easy to have fun of,

They deserve what they get!

D*cks!

Nice! Nice!

Sh*t!

Thank you.

Wow, that was a near death experience!

Thanks.

No problem.

Wow! You draw really good rocks!

They're better than mine.

Wanna know why?

Sure.

I can show you.

You just gotta deepen your shadows, see?

- Don't be afraid to be bold.

- Wow!

Thanks!

That's a...nice subject.

Oh...well, I hope you don't mind,

I'm not a perv or anyhting...

I just tried to practice drawing children.

Doesn't look like you need much practice.

You want it?

No.

Not really.

I'm kiddin'!

I'm kiddin', I'd love it, if you don't mind parting with it, of course...

- What's her name?

- Julia.

She is another artist.

You know, sometimes I feel like

...the only person left in the universe who still paints by numbers.

Oh, she must get all her artistic talents from her mother, then.

Yeah, who knows?

Thank you very much. It's beautiful.

She's beautiful.

Yeah, I'm...sorta partial to it, a lil' bit.

My name is Noah, by the way.

I'm...Anna.

Anna, pleasured to meet you.

Specially since we've established that you are not a perv...

Take care!

Bye.

Hey, what's wrong with the cosmobile?

Ah, won't start...

Can you hop in and see if we can get it degulfed?

Ok, try!

Ain't got nothing.

Okay, once more.

Cut up, cut!

All right, go again.

- That was weird, right?

- That was weird.

- Weird.

Apron!

Oh, look! Fuzzy22, right on time.

Shut up!

A-ha! Can't believe it, Jen, you've fallen for a cop.

Why do you think he's a cop?

Huh, "fuzz"...what else could it be?

I'm thinkin' "peach fuzz"...

...since he's probably, like, 12 or something..

Or maybe he's got a really hairy back.

Maybe he's a peach farmer in Georgia.

Oh, Jen! You don't wanna move to Georgia!

I'm not moving anywhere.

I bet the "22" means he's a gun freak.

Could...just be his age, you know.

Or...could be the number of years left until his parole hearing.

Yeah, or maybe the last 22 years have been doing him into a fuzzy form...

I like that one...

What can I do for you two?

We phoned it in. Two "spicy italian" subs.

How big?

Ten inches...

Total?

Each, of course.

I'm Tish.

Oh my God!

Did that work for anybody else?

Excuse me?

No, not you! Just...

Hello, excuse me!

Hello!

Oh, I'm sorry, I...

"Oh, I'm sorry!"...yeah...

I ordered a twelve inches veggie sub.

Does this look like a 12" for you?

No, I...

You know how girls are not good with measurements.

My last boyfriend told me that this WAS 12".

So, go figure!

Well...

Thanks.

Thank you very much. Thanks.

Thank you!

Thank you. ...I'm such an idiot!

All right, Jen, What's up?

You never struck an order.

Yeah, what happened?

Fuzzy's mother's finally taken his computer away?

No, actually...he wants to meet.

Don't do it, Jen. You don't know anything about him.

What it is that freaks you out so bad with it?

You go home with anybody who gives you lip service!

I talk to them first, dork!

Besides, I can take care of mysef.

This is Jen we talk about.

Ok, reality check, guys!

I mean, this guy could live in Madagascar!

Yeah! Or...Schenectady.

He lives down near L.A.

He told me.

Did you tell him you're here in Santa Cruz?

Jesus, Jen!

Tell me you didn't tell him your real name!

No, he only knows me as "Ladybugger".

So what now, Ladybugger?

I'm gonna think about it.

Tish, righ?

Mistery man, right?

Tadd.

Tadd.

'nother "spicy italian" sub, Tadd?

Just one?

One for Brad too.

Nice hair.

Thanks, "Taddly".

Well, see you around, Tish.

Tadd & Brad ...

Well, isn't that...gay?

Guess it!

Oh...I don't know!

Remember me?

Of course I remember you!

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