Thank Your Lucky Stars Page #4

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But now I'm wise.

There's no kiss on my lips.

There's a total eclipse

because, moondust, you got in my eyes. "

All it needs is a little more moondust.

Yeah? I got a lot of extra choruses too,

you know?

- You'll never top that one.

- Oh, thanks.

You think this song is right

for Mr. Cantor?

Nobody else should ever have

that number.

Let me get this straight.

You want Dinah Shore for a benefit?

- What kind of a benefit?

- It's just one of those things.

You know, for allied charities.

Allied charity? You mean

the Cavalcade of Stars this Saturday?

That's it.

Every star in the business will be there.

It will be the biggest, the greatest.

It will be a nice little show.

Little show? Why, it'll be sensational.

- Well, of course you can have Dinah Shore.

- Really?

- Olaf, how long have we been at that thing?

- About 15 minutes.

Enough. I don't wanna get tired.

Can you have Dinah Shore?

You certainly can.

She'll be marvelous.

Dinah will come and sing a song.

I'll do seven or eight numbers,

half an hour, with applause, 45 minutes.

Before I get through,

it'll be a great show.

A great show.

Mr. Cantor, really,

I don't believe that you understand.

You don't grip the point

we are driving into.

Even if we didn't have a reason

to not want you...

...which we got, we still don't want you.

- Yup.

- No, no, no.

What Dr. Schlenna is trying to say is...

...that we are using

motion-picture names exclusively.

Motion...? I've been a star for years.

Won't you call me a name?

Oh, definitely.

But not the kind I could put in lights.

That's very funny.

I know what you're thinking about.

I'm gonna use old jokes. Like when

I walk into a store and the woman says:

"Sonny, would you mind holding

that door open?"I said,"Sonny?

I'd like to have you know

I'm the father of five girls. "

She said, "Would you mind repeating that?"

I said, "Not if I can help it. "

Oh, yes. I've always laughed at that one.

I don't do those old jokes anymore.

How would you like to hear a song

they wrote for me today?

- No.

- Fine. I'll let you hear it.

- Oh, but, we haven't time.

- Olaf.

A couple of choruses.

It'll take half an hour.

Olaf, do you remember the number?

- I'll fake it.

- Just a minute, Olaf. That's fine.

Boys, sit down.

I always like to give the help a treat.

They love me.

Uh-oh.

- He's on again.

- If I have to hear him sing once more...

...I'll scream.

- Here we go again.

- And what about the roast beef?

Never mind the roast beef.

We gotta watch the ham.

Come on, everybody.

One way of keeping your help,

entertain them.

Come on, everybody.

Get ready for your treat.

I always try out my new songs

on the household staff.

If they laugh, I use the new song.

If they don't...

We'll get a new staff.

Play, Olaf.

Thank you for your cordial invitation

Mrs- Jones

But with nightclub life, we're through

Nonessential spending brings inflation

Mrs- Jones

So here's what we're planning to do

We're staying home tonight

My baby and me

Doing the patriotic thing

I've got my income-tax return to hurdle

And she'll be saving mileage

On her girdle

Don't wanna roam tonight

We're snug as can be

Hoping the phone will never ring

The landlord never told us

When we moved in this flat

That you can use the fireside

For more than a chat

We're staying home tonight

My baby and me

Doin' the patriotic thing

We're staying home tonight

Baby and me

Having a patriotic time

It's not that Mommy

Doesn't trust her poppy

It's just that we don't trust our old jalopy

Don't wanna roam tonight

We're snug as can be

Being alone is just sublime

While I sit in my slippers

And munch a piece of fruit

She'll iron out the wrinkles

In my victory suit

We're staying home tonight

My baby and me

Having a patriotic time

We'll play a game of rummy

It's cheaper than The Ritz

The winner wins a kiss

And just in case of a blitz

We're staying home tonight

My baby and me

Having a patriotic time

Her coffee could be sweeter

But I'm not in the dumps

Because every time she hugs me

It's like two extra lumps

We're staying home tonight

Baby and me

Having a patriotic time

What? Only one bow?

They love me.

- Wait for me. I'll be out soon.

- Good luck. We'll keep our fingers crossed.

Boys, I can't understand it.

Me with my experience in benefits.

Why don't you want me? Why?

Well, Mr. Cantor, to be brutally frank...

...you have the reputation of taking over

everything you participate in.

Me? I take over?

Yes, please.

Yes, the whole town knows it.

You're nothing but an old fussbudget.

- Me?

- That's right.

You are an old fudgerbudget.

A buzz... Buzzerbudget... Fudge...

What he said.

- But, boys.

- No, no, no...

Boys, I am merely trying to help.

Merely trying to help.

That is the trouble.

We don't need help, Mr. Cantor.

I'm staging this show.

We are striving

for an esoteric production.

Satirically, intime-

Aesthetically, entrez nous-

And we don't want it stunk up.

Yes, yeah. That's what we don't want it.

- What?

- Stunk up.

That's... That I can say.

Listen, all we want is Dinah Shore.

If you want Dinah, take her. She's yours.

As for myself, I want nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

- Oh, well, thank you, Mr. Cantor.

- Thank you. Thank you.

I want nothing at all.

You'll make me

chairman of the committee?

- Chairman of the committee?

Why, certainly.

- That is out. Definitely out.

- Right. If that's the way you feel about it...

...no Cantor, no Dinah Shore

and no sandwiches.

- No, no, no.

- Very well. Come, Schlenna.

Wait a minute, boys. Let's not be hasty.

Of course, we can talk this thing over...

Hi, Mr. Cantor.

I'm glad to see you. I'm Tommy.

You see, you don't have to rush away...

Who?

Tommy Randolph.

You know, radio program.

- Radio program?

- Yeah.

Look, I'm busy. I'll see you.

- As I was saying...

- Take your time.

After all, we got a whole career

ahead of us, eh, Eddie?

There's no point

to any further discussion. Come.

You don't understand.

I'm sure that we can iron this thing out.

We don't want to iron.

We just want Dinah Shore.

I discovered her.

I discovered Dinah Shore.

- She isn't the only one, eh, Eddie?

- Of course not. Why, she...

Look, young man, I'm a little bit busy

and I'll see you in a few minutes.

Is that all right?

How can you think of Dinah

working without me?

It's like bread without butter,

ham without eggs.

- Like Cantor without Randolph.

- Cantor without Randolph.

- Who's Randolph?

- Who's Randolph?

Combination of Dennis Day,

Kenny Baker and Bing Crosby...

...all rolled into one, that's all.

- Look...

Whoever you are, just take a nice long walk

or a swim, will you?

Will you do that for me?

- I'm sure that we can get together.

- Not on your terms, Mr. Cantor.

Your whole attitude has been highly

uncooperative, extremely ungenerous.

Wait a minute. Wait.

- You can't talk like that to Mr. Cantor.

- Quiet.

- He's the most generous man I've met.

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