That Awkward Moment Page #3

Yeah.

Wow.

What?

Uh, she...

She changed it.

What?

What are you talking about?

Uh, Vera.

It used to say, "married,"

and now it says...

It says nothing.

All right,

I married a smart girl.

I married the right girl.

Right?

I went to med school

right after college.

I did what I was supposed to do.

I checked the boxes.

But maybe what you

did didn't check hers.

We had the same boxes.

Did you have the same boxes?

Maybe you need a little

more experience with boxes.

Yeah, maybe we should lead you

down the path to better boxes.

Look, guys. I don't need that.

All right?

I need to call Vera and I

need to work this sh*t out.

That's what I'm going to do.

I need to call her, okay'?

I need to call Vera. I need

to work this sh*t out.

It kills me to

see you like this.

Yeah.

Hey.

It's an opportunity

to have some fun'

Man, this is about

all of us, man.

This is about all

of us being together.

When are we all

gonna be unattached?

In our 30s we're gonna

settle down with kids.

We're gonna live a boring life.

It's about us right now.

I don't know.

We're staying single with you, man.

I just don't know.

We're staying single with you.

We're gonna keep last night alive

as long as humanly possible.

Nobody gets in a relationship.

Nobody changes their status.

Rig hi?

I'm in.

Come on!

Come on!

Michael? Are you in?

F*** it. I'm in.

So, we going for this?

Yeah.

I mean, it's a pretty

bleak ending to a book,

so shouldn't we leave people

with some hope?

From where in the Midwest

did this one wash up?

Fresh off her master's

from Chicago.

Master's in what?

Sentimentality?

I don't think so.

I just think you have to

believe in possibility.

Oh, sweetie. Welcome

to New York.

You're young and you're pretty

and the world is yours.

But you're nobody's

first wife yet.

Well, we're all pretty...

Oh! Oh, look who's here.

Hi.

Glad you could make it.

Yeah.

I gotta tell you I'm really

excited about this cover, guys.

Hey.

Here you go.

Okay.

Hey.

Holy sh*t.

Everyone. How's it going?

Good, good.

Uh."

So, do you want to

tell us a little bit

about your approach

with this cover?

Yeah. I'd love

a little explanation.

Um...

It...

It is what it is.

"It is what it is"?

That's what you say when

you get a parking ticket.

I know.

It looks to me like the

guy here wants to escape.

Hmm. Does he?

And we want him to stay.

That's the fantasy of men in the city.

It seems like she'll bring

him home in the bag,

totally trusting him and then

after they sleep together,

he'll prove to be

too much of an a**hole

to actually stick around

for a couple of hours.

So tell me, Jason.

Why wouldn't the guy stay?

Hmm?

I thought you were a hooker.

What?

A hooker.

Why?

There were hooker signs.

What's a hooker sign?

You had on hooker boots.

Lots of people have them.

There were tons of condoms.

Did you ever think

they might be there

because I'm not

having a ton of sex?

No! I thought they

were a hooker sign!

What's a hooker sign?

What about The Story of O?

That was research for a book.

There were

envelopes full of cash.

I pay my landlord in cash so

that he can commit tax fraud.

How long have you

lived in New York?

Man, not long enough.

Yeah.

Wait. Can I make it

up to you'?

Let me make it up 10 you.

You wanna make it up to me?

Can I?

I don't know.

You can have my number.

And...

Maybe you can.

Yeah, dude. Everybody knows you

can't call a girl a hooker.

Even hookers hate

being called hookers.

I'm gonna bring Ellie around.

No, you're not!

No, you're not.

I'm gonna get her on the roster.

Wait. A roster?

Yeah. A roster.

It's a group of girls

that you're hooking up with

that keeps you from sending

the wrong message.

Which is what? That you

wanna date one of them.

You gotta start

building a roster.

Yeah. It'll help ease

the transition a little.

No, no. I do not need a roster.

Okay?

Yes, you do.

I can't keep one girl.

What makes you think I can

handle a bunch of them?

You just keep a bunch of them

for a short period of time

and then you send them out

into the world to flourish.

Like college kids.

Yes.

Or like capitalism.

And then you replenish the team.

Think of a roster like a

spiritual and physical...

Mostly physical.

...rejuvenation

of the male soul.

Which you guys clearly

don't f***ing have.

Think of it like a spa.

A spa for your cock.

A cock spa.

Yep.

You just got to

use whatever skills

that you have available to you.

Mmm.

Girls love personalization.

You guys are idiots.

You're an idiot.

Vera!

Look, I'm... I'm sorry

to barge in on you.

What are you doing here?

Okay, look.

I know that this is an

awkward thing to do, but...

Um...

I have been having some pain.

And, um, I just...

I don't know.

You came because

you needed my help.

I came to apologize.

I did.

You came because you needed my help.

Mikey.

I just... I've been

thinking about you.

It really was just

a simple misunderstanding.

Yeah, it was like, "What

kind of girl would I be

"if I didn't eventually

find it funny?"

You'd be probably every other

girl in the world. I think.

I'm really sorry.

But I'm not every

other girl in the world.

No.

I guess you're not.

And then I kind of developed

my own style, I guess.

And now you...

Design book covers.

Amongst other things.

Well, I guess you get people

to believe in something enough

to want to buy it.

I get people to

believe in the surface.

To do the one thing your

parents told you not to do.

To judge a book by its cover.

Exactly.

Oh, we weren't

supposed to do that.

You weren't supposed to do that.

See? I was encouraged.

Another example of

just plain awful parenting.

But, like, the job

that you have right now,

like, is it something that you

actually want to be doing?

You know what?

It can be fun.

But do I love it?

You don't.

No.

Don't you want

to love something?

What? Do you love

what you do?

I started this

new lecture series.

And authors can come along and

they can talk about their work.

That's awesome.

Yes. So great.

And people come?

No.

No?

No.

But I...

It's okay. I mean, I figure

that if I keep doing It,

it could be a really,

really amazing thing.

You should come along to one

of them if you're around.

Oh, I don't know.

I can't really tell if

it's important to you.

I'm sorry.

That's a weird laugh.

This is my favorite

place in the city.

JASON; Yeah.

It's beautiful.

I know that I'm

romanticizing the idea,

but come on.

That's kind of my dream. To

have the key to Gramercy Park.

New York's charm is you're

surrounded by things you can't have.

New York's charm is it makes

you think you can have them.

You know, I'd love to look

inside before we buy.

Me, too.

In the meantime,

we can go back to my place.

It's very similar, actually.

Except for everything about it.

I gotta get home.

Okay. Yours, it is.

You're one hell of a negotiator.

This kind of stuff just rolls

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