That Awkward Moment Page #4

off your tongue doesn't it?

I'm just trying

to make you laugh.

I don't like how

well it's working.

F***...

Wait, so you guys still

haven't gotten Mikey laid?

No.

What's wrong with you?

You're like

the worst wingman ever.

Are you kidding me, Chelsea?

I'm an incredible wingman.

I know, but, like, nothing?

It's just harder

than you think with him.

Like, what about a blowj*b?

I'm good right now,

but thank you.

Uh-huh.

Maybe in, like, 10 minutes?

Maybe after this beer?

Sorry, I'm just

making a mental list

of all the things I'd like to

do before giving you a blowj*b.

Wow. Really?

Oh! Kill myself

is number one.

Are you serious?

Jesus. What's number two?

Uh... Just, like,

awaiting trial in Guantanamo.

Mmm-hmm? Yup.

Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

Oh, come on, man. The blues?

Are you f***ing serious?

What the f*** does Captain

Attractive have to be so sad about?

I don't know.

I think he's going for

brooding and dark, mysterious.

It's kind of working for me.

That is working?

Yes.

You cannot be that attractive and

have a skill. That's bullshit.

Well, I'm gonna play,

so you're wrong.

Ooh' then somebody's in trouble.

Cheer up, a**hole.

You're the guy.

Buckle up.

Hey, excuse me? I just wanted

to tell you great job.

I almost cried right there.

It was really

some powerful stuff.

Yeah. It was brooding, dark,

and mysterious, apparently.

Yeah. Thanks. That's

what I was going for.

Told you.

This is my friend, Chelsea.

She's not much to look at, but wait

till you hear her play the piano.

Really good.

I can't wait. I'm Diego.

I know you are.

I warn you, though. She can be

really aggressive sometimes.

Is that right?

But you can tame her with

tequila and compliments.

Yeah.

So...

Super aggressive.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, are you home?

No. I'm at the hospital.

Where are you?

I'm headed back.

All right, So?

How was it?

It was amazing, man.

She was amazing.

So is she coming back

to the house or what'?

Not exactly.

Now listen, honey, while I say

How can you fix your mind

to say you're going away?

Don't say that we must part

Don't break my aching hear!

You know you love me...

Hey.

After midnight? Really?

I couldn't sleep.

Hmm.

It's good to see you.

How can you leave me'?

Listen while I say

After you've gone

After you've gone away I

So what happened with you

and the piano man? Rodrigo?

Diego?

Diego.

I don't know.

I don't want to date a guy that's

prettier than me. You know?

Yeah. Me neither.

Plus, he works out.

I don't want a man

that works out.

Yeah. I worked out

once. 2004.

Got on the 15 dumbbells.

I was like, "Those are way too

light, let me go to the 30s."

Nice.

And if you feel it...

Don't. I don't

wanna touch it.

And then I hit the hammies.

Some quads.

And if you feel that

You definitely

got the lingo down.

Do you see that?

No.

Ah, well...

Fat.

That's what happens

when you work out

once.

What are you doing here anyway?

What do you mean?

I don't know.

Weren't you supposed to hang

outwith that girl from Trinity?

Oh, yeah. I had to tell her I wasn't

looking for anything too serious.

Oh. 'Cause if it ever

stopped being fun for you

guys, you'd want

to just call it off?

That's... Yeah.

I know.

You got it down.

Brother. I know the spiel.

Brother.

Yeah.

I don't know. I just

thought you liked her.

I did like her.

She was cool, really smart,

funny, well-read.

Great family.

Love it.

And gave the best blowj*b

in recorded history.

I feel like every

blowj*b you get,

you think is the best

in recorded history...

Well, if you look at

the common variable

across all encounters,

you'll find that it's me.

So maybe I'm the best in recorded

history at receiving blowj*bs.

- Bam.

- Bam.

Think about that.

Don't want to.

Cheers to me getting awesome

blowj*bs and just being good at it.

You're such an idiot.

Oh!

Oh.

So? Jason, where

is this going?

F***.

Um...

Look, I think

you're an amazing girl.

And if I was in

a different place, maybe,

but, I mean,

you know that I'm not

really looking for

anything serious.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. As soon as this

stops being fun for one of us.

Hey, J-Go! How'd it

go with that hooker?

Oh!

Did you just call me a hooker?

No, I meant

the other... Um...

Yeah. I just said

the wrong thing just now.

You think'?

Yes.

Hey, Mikey?

Mikey?

Mmm?

Can you shut the door?

Oh, sh*t.

Okay. I'd like to

apologize.

Don't worry about it.

Caffeine?

No, thanks. I gotta run.

But at least he offers.

I offer.

You've never offered.

For the record. I'm

sorry for anything I said.

Am saying. And might

say in the future.

An apology. So sweet.

I like him better than you.

For the record.

For the record,

he is better than me.

Ha!

This is true.

Bye.

So you went out with...

Ellie.

Then you came home

and had sex with...

Alana.

Jesus!

I did that for you.

You did it for me?

Yeah. You had sex with a

beautiful woman for me?

Yeah. For you.

Thank you. Thank you.

If I need anything else, I'll

be sure to let you know.

I'm just building

my roster, man.

Roster?

Yeah, my roster.

Ellie's on the way in.

Alana just gave me

the "so."

The "so"?

Yeah, the "so."

When it comes to girls, nothing

good ever follows the word "so."

"So," where is this going?

"So" what're we doing?

And you just got the "so"?

Yeah, I just got the "so."

So that's when you get out.

Always?

Always.

You're a f***ing idiot.

So Chelsea worked

her magic again?

Yeah, yeah. In a sense, yeah.

Really?

So, is she, like, hot.

She smart, cool?

Oh, yeah. Yeah,

all of the above.

Wow, really?

Yeah. I'm not

gonna date her.

She's not datable if that's

what you're getting at, okay?

So let's just calm down.

What about you? Did you

see what's-her-name?

Ellie?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. We, like, went to the park.

We hung out.

Went to the park, hung out?

You liked this girl when you

thought she was a hooker.

Are you falling in love?

No, man.

I think you are. I can

hear it in your voice.

I had sex with Alana.

You had sex with both of them?

No.

You f***ing double gophered?

I didn't.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

You double gophered?

I love that.

You had sex with both of them.

That's awesome.

No, I didn't. Ellie went home.

Alana came over.

That's what I love about you.

Like, you never push too hard.

You always have a backup.

Yeah.

You're like Judge Reinhold

in Beverly Hills Cop.

I'm not getting

in a relationship.

Except you're an a**hole.

Hello. This is Ellie.

Hey.

It's Jason.

All right, we're going

on a date tomorrow.

Gramercy Park.

Dress nicely.

No questions.

You in'?

Yeah.

Vera, we have to talk.

Mikey, did you call

the glasses girl, yet?

Can you come see me

tonight? It's important.

Dude. Tell us

how the call went.

Nope. I'm not pissing.

Okay.

Come on in.

First of all,

your dick looks like it found Nemo.

Stop.

Second of all, are you

gonna see glasses girl?

She gonna come see me tonight.

First of all, I think your dick

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes