That Awkward Moment Page #6

Why don't you take a sh*t

at your own apartment?

You can't invite a girl

to a place like this.

- I didn't invite her.

- You didn't invite her?

No.

That's worse.

That's some girlfriend sh*t.

Some I-have-a-girlfriend

sh*t.

Okay, well, I'm gonna

buzz her in.

Don't buzz her.

Don't buzz her in.

I'm gonna buzz her in.

Jason, don't buzz her in.

Don't buzz...

Don't buzz her in, man.

We're having such

good guy time right now.

Oh, sh*t.

I just buzzed her in.

He f***ing buzzed her in.

Okay.

He buzzed her in.

- Really?

- Okay.

Both you guys need to calm down.

We're not supposed to see them more

than twice in one week, all right?

And you're seeing this chick

twice in one day.

Dude. Relax.

Invite her up then, man!

She's not gonna

wanna talk about Xbox.

So, I'm gonna be

sitting here being like,

"I have to fart but

maybe I can't right now."

She better have some hot friends.

Dude, you're pissing me off.

Open the door. I don't care.

I'm getting wasted.

Hey. I hope

I'm not interrupting.

Hi.

No. You're not interrupting.

You're not interrupting anything.

So this is this is Daniel. This is Mikey.

We went to college together.

Guys, Ellie.

Daniel is a manipulative idiot.

And Mikey has an orange dick.

Hi.

Really, dude?

That's really good to know.

I brought scotch. I don't know

if you guys drink scotch.

She brought scotch?

You should try it.

Hmm!

Let's try it.

What are you guys playing?

A little Xbox.

Can I play?

Yeah.

Apparently, her ex-boyfriend

played a lot of Halo.

You know what? It's late. I gotta go.

I gotta go to West Side.

No, you're not. We're not letting you.

No. We're not letting you go.

I promise you we get funnier.

But tonight is Mikey's night.

You know, I can feel it.

I pray to God it is.

That's what I was

telling you, too, baby.

I forgot to tell you, it's

my birthday coming up soon.

Really?

Mmm-hmm.

Usually people are

more subtle about this.

No, not like that.

I'm going to throw myself

a surprise birthday party.

You're throwing yourself

a surprise party? Yeah.

Well, I'm surprised.

Yeah,

everybody's gonna get

dressed up and decked out.

And you should do the same.

It's a dress-up party?

Absolutely, yeah.

I'm so in. I love

getting dressed up.

Sweet.

He's actually

giving her eye contact?

He's engaged.

Bye.

Bye.

That's a great painting,

by the way.

Thank you.

That's nice.

It was beautiful, man.

That was really nice.

That was quite nice.

And I do love her.

I do.

I really like her.

I really liked it when she came

by without telling anybody.

I really liked it when she

kissed you on the cheek.

And I really like that you're

about to lose this bet.

Yep.

Jason, do you remember

when we said we're

all gonna stay single?

Yeah, well, it looks

like you're f***ed.

I'm not f***ed.

You are so f***ed!

I'm not f***ed.

Let's go out.

Hey, Chew.

Hey. Sam, guys.

Can we get

tequila shots, please?

Sotheby's kept me late.

Then they can take

care of these drinks.

Oh, they will?

Hey.

It's good to see you.

You, too.

- I'm still going.

- That's not cool.

All right cheers!

Cheers!

Oh, Chels, you're up.

Get it.

Oh, my God, I love your shoes.

Oh' thank you.

That's so sweet.

That should've been me.

This is my friend, Daniel.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Okay.

Okay.

What...

The f*** was that?

Seriously.

That was god-awful.

That was horrendous.

I got nothing...

I don't know.

Are you serious right now? You

just dropped the ball. Seriously.

You just dropped

the ball big time.

I'm having an off night.

I don't know.

Having an off night?

Even Jordan has off nights.

Whoa!

Very ambitious.

What? What's wrong?

That teddy bear.

Mr. Wiggles?

F***, Mr. Wiggles.

Yeah, Mr. Wiggles.

Because, I know,

your ex-boyfriend

gave you that teddy bear.

And I said he was a p*ssy,

which he was.

And then you broke up with him.

But I was thinking

about you guys together.

And him having sex with you. And

then I thought about him naked.

And you know. And all that stuff.

Oh, really? Yeah.

And my boner just started

to wilt like warm lettuce.

I'm gonna get rid

of the teddy bear!

Thank you.

Creeped me out.

Yeah.

Um...

Chelsea, I just really

want you to know something.

And I wanted to be very clear.

You're not looking for

anything serious right now?

Look, Daniel, this thing

doesn't have to be a thing.

And if you want to go

back to being friends,

we can go back to being friends.

I don't want to go

back to anything.

That's what I was

going to tell you.

I really like being here.

That's what I was going to say.

You working this weekend?

Mmm-hmm.

You should come by the hospital.

Again.

Yeah. Again.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Yeah, I would.

Come by again and

again and again.

Check this one out.

That's impressive.

Very impressive.

Something for the two of you?

What's up, man?

Something for the two of you?

Oh, no, no, no.

We're not gay, man.

And we're just... We just

need a giant strap-on dildo.

Which I know sounds a little gay.

But it's for a costume.

It's right here.

Right in front of you.

Wait. I have a serious

question for you. Yeah.

Think.

If you were gay,

would you date me?

Definitely not.

What?

What?

I would not date you, Jason.

Why?

Because you're not my type.

What the f*** does that mean?

Oh, what?

Are you offended'?

I'm completely offended.

Deal with it.

You'd gay date me.

You know you would.

Honestly, if were to have

sex with you, Jason,

which apparently

you really want,

you would probably be like

top three hottest chicks

I've ever had sex with.

That's actually true.

Mmm-hmm.

Man, how much are these?

For you? $75.

For me? 'Cause

we're such good friends?

These are all dishwasher safe.

I don't think you should

go to this party, man.

Dude, I can go to the party.

It's gonna be fun.

$65.

Dude, who the f*** are you

negotiating with right now?

$60.

Okay. Look. I'm

telling you, man.

This party is a road

to a relationship.

And that road is paved with

responsibility and lack of selfishness.

And what the f*** am I holding right now?

What is this?

I have no idea.

Ah!

Clever.

It comes with an extra balloon.

Why would I need

an extra balloon?

In case it pops.

Why would it pop?

If you try too hard.

What?

I was tangled in all the wires

Tied down, and I felt the fire

There was nothing for me to do

Sick cock, bro.

Thanks.

What's up?

It's flush

in the face desire,"...

Hey.

Yeah.

Happy birthday!

Jason? What are

you wearing?

Rock out with my cock out.

It's not my real cock' though.

Clearly.

Yeah.

Uh."

So it's a different

kind of dress-up party'?

Yeah.

This is a classic

case of miscommunication.

It's really...

It's just a classic.

Yeah.

Um... Oh.

Um...

These are my parents.

My mom, Jodie, and my dad, Bill.

Holy sh*t.

This is Jason.

I'm sorry. Hi.

I'm just gonna pretend that

this isn't happening. Hi.

Hello.

Hi. I'm Jason.

Hi.

Bill.

Jason. Nice to meet you.

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