The 25th Reich Page #4

O'Brian, are you listening to me?

- The name's Kinderman.

- F***.

(indistinct whispering)

I hope you know

what the f*** you're doing.

Are you listening to me?

I said, are you listening to me?

God damn it!

Please Lord, don't let this be a dream.

Are we back?

- We're back.

- How do you know we're back?

Jesus of the pure earth...

Oh baby! You beautiful baby!

Oh-ho-ho baby!

Beautiful baby.

You God damn beautiful baby!

Yeah! Haywood's back baby,

Haywood's back.

Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton'!

Sh*t, we goin' back to base right now.

God damn it, Captain, I told you

we were gonna get back, I told you.

You're gonna be on my cabinet,

you're gonna be a Senator, sh*t,

I'm gonna make you Vice President!

Haywood's back! I'm back daddy,

I'm coming home,

I'm goin' be President!

Yee-haw! Sh*t!

Big ol' lions, and

giant mosquitos...

took 'em all on, Captain, and...

Whew! I knew we'd do it,

I knew we'd do it, sh*t!

"Oh, say can you see...

nineteen-forty-three..."

Sh*t! We gonna get this Jeep

going right now, God damn it...

Where's the God damn key?

Updike,

I hope you packed lederhosen.

This is the day when the planets

will be wreathed in dying garlands,

when the abattoir

will be substituted for the guillotine.

Welcome to New Germania.

Colonel, sir, is that you?

'Course it's him, you can tell

by the stench of his Nazi breath.

You overshot your wad, Kinderman.

300 years to be precise.

Seems like only yesterday.

After WE won the war

we purged the earth of the racially

impure and the mentally inferior

but our crusade won't stop there.

Our National Socialist Armada

readies itself to overthrow

God in the 25th dimension.

The fight's not against God,

Weaver, it's against ourselves.

You're condemning humanity.

Here you are on the edge

of extinction

and still philosophizing

like one of the chosen people.

I offer you a choice Corporal Updike,

renounce your flag, join the Armada.

Help us achieve our final victory

or die with the Jewish scum.

Ha ha ha ha! I knew you were one of us.

What do you have to say for yourself,

Oberleutnant Updike?

Heil Hitler!

It's time for you to prove your loyalty

to National Socialism, my son.

But first, lets make this

an even playing field.

Oberleutnant Updike,

you will give these two prisoners

exactly ten seconds head start.

Jawohl, mein Fuhrer!

You better not lollygag around,

O'Brian,

I got me a hard on

for some pretty-boy tail.

One... two... three...

four... five... six...

seven... eight-nine-ten.

Go, go, go, go... come on!

Now come on, come on...

Come on!

Whoo-hoo! Get on, dogie!

Whatever it is that you've got, Captain.

I don't think I got it in me sir.

Okay, we gotta split up.

I want you to move

to that ridge over there

and let him eyeball you, alright?

I'm gonna come up from behind.

Alright move, I wanna see the back

of your ass, let's go, go, go!

Yes, sir... yes, Captain.

Well, well, I'm gonna stick you

like a Louisiana frog.

Nice try...

Okay then, where's the other dirty kike?

Right on your tail!

I reckon you're

gonna enjoy this boy...

Now it's your turn, Jew boy.

You picked the wrong week

to give up butts.

Hey, Updike!

That's hardly presidential behavior.

Got a present for you, if you want it.

Just might get you into heaven.

I'm gonna finish you

off for good, Barelli.

I know you're here, eye-tie.

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Hey Barelli,

why don't you stick your head out

so I can make this nice and quick.

Barelli,

I know you're a fascist boy,

why don't you come down here.

You can join us,

you can be one of us boy...

I know you wanna.

Come on, Barelli,

they treat you nice, boy.

The bank is closed, Updike.

This is the final deposit.

Colonel...

Colonel!

Peer into the world, Captain,

as their time has disappeared,

and everything that was crooked

will now be straight.

Come again, Ishbak?

"Drums Along the Rio Grand," sir.

Scene 165?

Kid, I got something

I gotta get something off my chest.

I never did bang Judy Garland.

- You didn't, sir?

- No.

J.G., John Garfield.

A hell of an actor,

and an even better understudy.

Minchia! I never

would have pegged it, Captain.

Hey kid, it's yours, go on.

I hope I didn't disappoint you, Ishbak.

Never, sir. Not in a million years.

Not even in fifty thousand.

Well, come on boys.

It's time Uncle Sam kicked a little ass.

Oy vey ismier!

Minchia! You can say that again.

I don't remember this

being in the Torah!

As the Nazi war drums pound

across the galaxy,

Barelli, Kinderman, and Ishbak,

are all that stand between

good old American freedom

and the fascist domination

of the universe.

Walk proud...

The battle for mankind's survival

has only just begun...

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