The 40-Year-Old Virgin Page #14
...what?
[scatting]
Yeah!
[gasping]
Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah.
That was a fun day.
You are so kinky.
Yeah, I'm so kinky.
That's why I did this
because I thought it looks...
You like to shave, don't you?
Let's shave each other.
I don't think
you have any hair.
Yeah.
Because I want to shave you.
I want to shave your head.
I wanna give you
a buzz cut.
Let's get in the bath.
In the bath?
Yes. We're gonna get dirty.
Dirty, dirty. Sudsy.
It's just about time
I got really dirty.
Yeah.
Hey. Hi, it's me,
and I'm on my way
to your house.
I want to do whatever
you want to do, okay?
Fifty dates. 100.
I hope not, but whatever.
I'm gonna see you soon,
okay? Bye.
[laughing]
Wow. Okay, well,
that was fast. Okay.
[groans]
Wow! Holy sh*t!
Wow. This is just
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow!
Almost got my penis.
Come to mama.
of you tonight.
You're never
gonna forget Beth.
I just want to please you.
What do you like?
I don't know.
What do you like?
Can I show you what I like?
Okay.
(Beth)
It's so hot in here.
to my friend.
Your friend is so shiny.
This guy knows exactly
what I like.
Where's you friend going?
This is how I'm gonna
warm up for you.
That's always good to warm up.
You don't wanna
pull something.
[moaning]
[exclaims]
Wow, this is graphic.
[laughing]
I can't do it.
God, what are you
doing here?
We came here because we were
concerned about you
and Trish...
and now I could not give
a f***.
How did you even know
where she lives?
I hit it
What?
Never gave her back the key,
man. You have no idea...
where this is going,
all right?
That girl is a freak.
(Beth)
Oh, it's happening!
It's happening! Andy!
You think?
We've been talking,
and look...
if you love Trish,
you can't do this.
Look, you guys,
I don't know
what I'm doing anymore.
I don't even know who I am.
All I know is...
that woman
scares the sh*t out of me...
and I just wanna go home,
okay?
Let's go.
We should all get out of here.
Okay.
We should all go.
It wasn't that good
for me.
We should totally
get out of here.
We should run away
from here.
[Beth moaning]
Hey.
[Beth laughing]
Cal.
[car horns blaring]
Go around!
Come on,
just go around me!
Can't you hear me?
Hey, there. Hi, Trish.
Man, I'm really sorry
about tonight.
What's this?
Those are David's.
I think he has a problem.
These are David's?
He's into that.
David's Boner Jams '03?
Yeah, it's so sad.
He compiled all the best
boner scenes, I guess.
This isn't what it looks like,
okay?
What does this look like?
A vagina.
And what do you do
with this vagina?
To learn.
It's for medicinal purposes.
Ugh.
Hey, I'm sorry. God...
What's this?
This your date drug?
Your roofie?
It's a Mentos.
They're "The Freshmaker."
Yeah, right.
What are you,
some kind of sex pervert?
Are you a deviant
or something?
No, I'm not a sexual deviant!
What is all this?
I haven't even tried
to have sex with you, so...
What are you trying to do?
What are you
buttering me up for?
Come on.
You're not gonna try
and kill me, are you?
Look, Trish.
You didn't get a new carpet.
I'm not trying to kill you.
I love you.
I love you.
Oh, God!
Trish.
[Heat Of The Moment playing]
Trish. No!
No. Trish, stop.
Come on, Trish!
I need to talk to you!
No!
Damn it.
[exclaiming]
[groans]
Oh, my God!
[car horn blaring]
Andy! Oh, my God!
Call 911.
Oh, my... Andy.
Oh, my God!
I'm gonna need a minute.
I'm in a lot of pain
right now.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
Not bad.
There were two sides
to that billboard.
And they both hurt equally.
Andy. Andy.
[exhaling]
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
No, I'm not okay.
I'm a virgin.
A what?
I'm a virgin.
I always have been.
Andy, is that what
all this was about?
I'm sorry.
You're just a virgin,
that's all?
Yeah.
That's good.
That's a good thing.
I feel stupid.
It's okay. I thought
you were trying to kill me.
No.
Oh, my God.
No, I'm not trying
to kill you.
That's why I never tried
to have sex with you.
I was scared, okay?
I just...
'Cause I didn't know
what I was doing.
I just didn't think
it would be good.
Of course it'll be good.
We love each other.
Really?
I love you.
Yeah.
[car horn honking]
Get the f*** out of the road,
virgin!
Shut up, you f***ing jerk!
No, that's okay.
That's all right. Sorry.
You know what...
for so long I thought
that there was something
wrong with me...
because it had
never happened, but...
I realize now that it was
just because
I was waiting for you.
This was some wedding.
Dude sells his toys and makes
like a half a million dollars.
It's crazy, right?
That's f***ing crazy.
We're gonna get
some f***ing toys.
We are all so happy for you.
I am delighted
to say these words.
Andy...
you may kiss the bride.
[people exclaiming]
[cheering]
And for God's sake,
consummate the thing.
No! Stop it.
I have the key.
[exclaims]
I'm not gonna be done
buffing the marble...
for about a half an hour,
but...
you can come in and sit down
if you want...
or wait in the lobby.
It's okay.
It's up to you.
[humming]
Dude,
get the f*** out of here.
Ready?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
[moans]
Whoa.
You're officially
not a virgin.
Cool.
Wow.
Wanna do it again?
Yeah.
Good. Okay.
Sure.
That was good. That was okay.
Okay.
You ready?
Yeah.
Are you ready?
Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.
[panting]
So, how was that for you?
When the moon
Is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter
aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide
the planets
And love
will steer the stars
This is the dawning
of the age of Aquarius
Age of Aquarius
Aquarius
Aquarius
Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust
abounding
No more falsehoods
or derisions
Golden living dreams
of visions
Mystic crystal revelations
And the mind's true
liberation
Aquarius
Aquarius
When the moon is
in the Seventh House
And Jupiter
aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide
the planets
And love
will steer the star
This is the dawning
of the age of Aquarius
The age of Aquarius
Aquarius
Aquarius
It's Aquarius, baby
We ain't talking about
no Scorpio
No, we ain't talking
about no Scorpio
Aquarius
Aquarius
Aquarius
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let it shine, let it shine
Let the sunshine
Let it shine
Let it shine, yeah
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
[Just Got Lucky playing]
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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