The 60 Yard Line Page #3

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[Ben] Polano, hit me!

I'm wide!

Oh!

Gosh, what an interesting read.

It's an interesting

write, actually.

- [Amy] No.

- [Greg] Yeah.

- You wrote that?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I teach a weekend course

on women's study

at Saint Norbert's.

Oh.

It's like a hobby of yours or?

I mean, you know,

macram is a hobby.

Model trains, that's a hobby.

Vegetarianism, hobby.

But, recognizing the struggle

of your historically

oppressed gender,

that's a way of life.

I always wanted to scuba dive.

What's stopping you?

Dude, hit the hands.

[Polano] You missed my

open mic on Tuesday night.

- [Ben] Damn.

- The other two comics,

- like, laughed a few times.

- My bad, I'm sorry.

I'll make it to one

eventually, I promise.

And when are we gonna

make up The Sixty Yard...

- What's up, Amy?

- Hey, sweetie, okay.

Um, there's something that

I need to talk to you about.

Oh, gosh, please tell

me that Donald Driver

did not get hurt in practice.

No, gosh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, Greg wants me to go with him

to represent the company

at the graphics expo.

That son of a b*tch!

It's a good thing, he

sees potential in me.

- Oh, I like that guy.

- Here's the thing, though.

It's this weekend in Milwaukee.

Not this weekend.

It's the home opener

in our new house.

I know, but here's the thing.

Like, it could be really

good for my career.

Yeah, that's true.

You should go to

Milwaukee this weekend.

No, it's home opener.

We have to park the cars

and we'll be grillin'.

- Yes!

- Oh, gosh.

- Go, have fun.

- Yeah?

Yeah, we'll take

care of the house.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Say hello to Milwaukee.

- [Amy] Okay, bye!

Brew crew!

[energetic music]

- Let's have some fun.

- Uh, yeah.

[Narrator] With

Amy on the sidelines,

the boys changed the game plan.

When she said, add a

few football things,

all they heard was, blah,

blah, beer, football things.

Look what the golf

course was throwing out.

Turf grass! Yes!

[Narrator] Maybe

it was the beer,

and maybe it was the lack

of a responsible adult,

- or maybe it was the beer.

- This is nice.

[Narrator] They ushered

out a previous life

of a Pier deuce bird emporium

and pillow-riddled couches

to usher in a new life of

fandom and learned priorities,

even stumbling upon

ghosts of legends past.

Whoa! Polano! Suits!

[Narrator] Crookedly

justifying their every intent.

Noice!

[Narrator] Zagger and

Polano took it to the house,

shattering records of the past

and putting up a clearer

future, giving the world...

Now this is a house.

And I'm hammered.

[Narrator] The

Sixty Yard Line.

- Welcome to The Sixty.

- Dad's sick.

- Mom told me to give you this.

- Thank you.

Here we have the uppermost

level of The Sixty Yard Line,

the sleeping and

bunking quarters.

Moving on to

the bathroom section

of the Paul Hornung level

where we have the common tub,

along with sink with

hot and cold water.

Uh, question?

Uh, yes, Uncle Mark.

Did you get these mattresses

out of the dumpster?

No. No, we did not find

them in the dumpster.

- They were on the dumpster.

- [Mack] Nice.

- [Debbie clears throat]

- Yeah, uh, question, Debbie?

- Um, where's Amy?

- She's at the work thing.

You know that.

And she helped

you with all this?

Great question, Debbie.

All right, that's it

for the top level.

Let's go to the main level.

Come on in.

Pile in.

Try to blend in, Mark.

This is the Brett Favre level,

open concept with

three flat screens.

Uh, yes. Question, Schneebs.

Yes, uh, with three

different screens,

does that mean

there are gonna be

three different games

at the same time?

The answer is no.

What we will do is we will

have two of the flat screens

on the Green Bay game,

and one flat screen

will have stats and scores

so that somebody here

knows that their

team still sucks.

- Go Bears.

- And, as you can see,

my chair is positioned here,

aptly named Fart Starr where

you can find me every Sunday

and sometimes Thanksgiving

Thursdays and playoff Saturdays

if they do arise,

with my stats binder.

Yes, Debbie,

you have a question?

Yes, I, I was wondering

where, where's Amy?

I told you she's at work.

Moving on.

- Here we go!

- Back to the back patio

leads us directly out to the

parking lot of Lambeau Field.

I state the obvious,

because it leads

directly to the

parking lot of Lambeau!

Even I will enjoy watching

games here this season,

so hold onto your boners, folks.

We're in for a juicy ride.

I thought we took boners

out of the tour guide script.

- We did what, now?

- [Ben] We took boners out

of the tour guide script.

Sorry for saying boners.

Uh, geez.

There I go again. Once boners

roll off your tongue,

it's really hard to

stop saying boners.

All right, moving on.

Now this is the part of the tour

where you Packer scum

get a mini Lam-boner.

When Coach Lombardi was

still here, bless his soul,

he would invite people

over every Sunday night

to his basement for drinks.

I am proud to announce that

I will be bringing back

the Lombardi cocktail hour.

Stop asking where Amy is.

Oh I know where she is.

She's right here.

Oh, much, much

sooner than expected.

Hey.

Welcome home. Awesome.

Check it out.

It's The Sixty.

Yeah!

- What is all this?

- A few football things.

And, and I read that

green carpet is calming.

Like Verbena Lemongrass.

Okay. Mm-hm.

She has to probably

unpack, so...

- [all murmuring]

- [low music]

Uh, sorry. Excuse me.

Excuse me, Zagowskis,

uh, and Jablonski.

Uh, first off, thank you

everybody for bringing

a dish of au gratins to our

totally impromptu house tour.

Seriously?

It's all au gratin?

No, there's a beef dish.

No, that's just

burnt au gratin.

Um, no, we have our

first home game tomorrow

against Polano's baby Bears.

Suck, suck!

All right, we're getting better.

Take it easy.

Let's forgive Polano for

choosing the wrong team

because that's what we do.

We forgive our loved

ones when they mess up.

To The Sixty Yard Line.

[All] To The Sixty Yard Line!

I was gonna solder that.

And resurrect

it from the trash?

Hey, come on, Amy.

Hold on. Amy.

Does anybody have a spoon?

Amy. Amy.

Amy. Amy, Amy, hold on!

Wait, stop!

Look, apparently I messed up.

I'm sorry.

But you said that I could

add some football stuff.

It's not football stuff.

- It's you.

- Me, what?

You everything.

Just be honest with me.

Do you even wanna marry me?

- Of course I want to marry you.

- When?

Because we haven't

even spoken about it

once since we moved in here.

I just thought that we could

fix this place up together.

But that in there

has nothing to do

with the both of us,

and you know what I'm realizing,

is that it never will.

It's been eight years, Ben.

Eight years of me competing

with a football team

that I can never beat.

[Debbie] Oh, my gosh.

No, no Amy. No, no, no.

You shouldn't drive.

I feel, feel like I'm

having trouble breathing.

[Debbie] I know. Ice cream is

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