The 60 Yard Line Page #5

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so hopefully, somebody

will return them.

Along with a puppy.

Well, I found my clothes.

Sans puppy.

Good.

- How's the house?

- Good.

Strangers keep coming in

and using the bathroom.

Why did you ignore me?

Maybe I overreacted a little.

I just love you so much, Ben.

[Ben] Oh, my god.

Ben?

Hey, aren't you Mr. Hot Back?

And what, what is this,

turf on your floor?

Yes.

Mark Tauscher, it is.

It's like a real field.

Yes, John Kuhn.

It is.

I told you I'd

bring back people.

Not just people,

players, playa.

Well, welcome to The Sixty.

- [all cheering]

- Come on.

Uh, I gotta, I have to

call, I was talking to...

- Zagger?

- Yes.

You need to party, all right?

You have professional football

players downstairs waiting.

- Mm-hmm.

- Now get your Packer

ass downstairs.

[phone ringing]

[rock music]

- [Man] Hello.

- $10.

- [Man] There you go.

- Have fun.

Hey, how's it goin'?

[rock music]

Every championship

team since the inception

of the west coast

offense has had

less than 10% missed

assignments on the O Line,

plus seven minutes

time of possession.

- That sh*t's crazy.

- Oh, he's got so much

football knowledge,

it's borderline weird.

Yeah, he crunches more

numbers than a calculator.

The last three seasons,

you two have had a combined

86% successful-blocks-

to-yards-gained.

That's 12% higher

than league average.

You can pass that sh*t on

to the rest of the O Line.

- Okay.

- Hm-hm.

Like I said, crunching

numbers like a CNN,

like a business insider.

When you match up with

Strahan in two weeks,

he has a tell of when

he's gonna blitz.

When he comes to the line, if he

stretches his back, he's comin'.

- You being serious?

- [Ben] That's right.

All right, man,

I'll take a look.

Typical Zagger,

crunching numbers...

Dude, why are you not a scout?

I tell him that all the time!

You should feel this man's arms.

Deb, I, no.

I can't be a scout.

That's not... This is great.

You guys are great.

You're welcome here anytime.

I'll be honest, man, I love

the Lombardi Cocktail Hour.

Yeah, we will

definitely be back.

You guys wanna come to

my open mic next week?

I think we're good, man.

Karen!

That actually

happens all the time.

[rock music]

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's time for a special show

for the man of the hour.

[energetic music]

You came back.

I'm sorry I was,

my phone earlier,

but you cut off a

basketball jersey.

I'm sorry that I

got carried away.

We got hammered and we

did the whole place up.

I'm sorry, but I wanna carry

you to a priest in the...

Let's get married.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

[All] Zagger, Zagger, Zagger,

Zagger, Zagger,

Zagger, Zagger, Zagger

Zagger, Zagger, Zagger, Zagger.

- Amy?

- Zagger, Zagger, Zagger!

Amy, did ya you hear me?

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, Bill Clinton.

- [Greg] Hillary.

- Hillary.

Yeah, so, um,

I'm next in line,

and I am totally nervous.

I'm sweating like Ellen Richards

on the first day of

chemistry class at MIT.

So the book slips

right out of my hand,

goes right over Hillary's head,

and this is how great

she is, she says,

"Should I make the inscription

out to Butterfingers?"

And she did!

Well, she is pretty amazing.

Well, I mean not

as amazing as you.

[Ben] Rick! Thanks for coming

to the party last night.

I, uh, your fianc

is late again.

He's not my fianc.

Not anymore, anyway.

Interesting.

- Hey, Zippy!

- Oh, I don't...

[Greg] Can I

see ya a sec, pal?

- No, I...

- Me?

Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey, there you are.

- Where did you go?

- No.

- Hey, guy.

- Greg. This is Greg.

He's a regional manager.

He's my boss.

Your boss, actually.

Right, I knew that.

So, Zippy...

- Zagger.

- Uh-huh.

It seems that the

only part of you

doing any actual work around

here anymore is your liver.

I know, right? Whew.

And you're late always.

So...

You're terminated.

What, you mean like fired?

Is that what you mean?

I'm sorry I'm late.

Um, I always, I, I'll

get everything shipped.

I always do. I mean, sometimes

barely, but I'll get it done.

Gabrielle Bonheur Chanel,

aka Coco Chanel,

once said, in order

to be irreplaceable,

one must always be different.

You make no difference, thus

you are completely replaceable.

I'm pretty sure Gabrielle

Bernerd did not say that.

She did.

There you go. On the house.

No hard feelings.

[gentle downbeat music]

- Oh, you're serious?

- [Greg] Oh, yeah.

- [Ben] Gabriel Barnyard this!

- [Greg] Nice.

Just so you know,

I had nothing to do

with what happened back there.

What's going on? You were at

the house last night, right?

- Yeah.

- Okay, cool.

Great, 'cause it was awesome.

It was hot.

Oh. I'm glad that you

thought it was hot.

Yeah.

I thought it was hot, but for

some reason you're mad at me.

You know what?

I'm like super glad

that he fired you.

- Do you know why?

- No.

'Cause this way...

I don't ever have

to see you again.

[Narrator] The wrong

plays were getting signaled

from both sides of the ball.

Zagger had hung in the pocket

too long and was sacked.

Plus, he inadvertently

banged the gong.

For the first time

in eight years,

he'd pushed Amy away for good,

leaving him unemployed,

broke and confused.

Why am I walking?

I drove.

[Narrator] Champions are

not made in times of triumph.

They are made in

times of adversity,

and this time, Zagger was

not about to hang it up.

What once was a weekend gig,

would become a

full-time labor of love.

These captains of car-parking

continued to put in

the work on off days,

which led to success

on game days,

doing it all in the

shadow of Lambeau Field.

This is awesome.

[Narrator] Zagger was

a new man, a changed man,

and every fan knows that

change is part of the game.

Seasons change, concussion

protocols change,

relatively normal people

change, get into weird costumes,

and sometimes,

players change teams,

which may be the hardest

change of all to accept.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Yep.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

[gentle downbeat music]

[Narrator] Despite Zagger's

newfound leap into popularity,

Green Bay is still a small town.

Whether it was in

the playbook or not,

Amy and Zagger's

paths would cross

like strangers in the night.

They were on opposite sidelines,

yet acutely aware of

each other's every play.

Zagger lined up in Fart Starr

for every game,

and The Sixty became like

Graceland for Cheeseheads.

They came, including

former players.

I took about four, five steps,

got nailed by the The

Fridge, knocked out.

One of my teammates

come over and says,

"Hey Gary, you gotta get up.

It's Monday night.

Your mom is watching."

[laughing]

- [Narrator] Current players.

- Electrolyte forms

when soluble sodium

or potassium

ionizes in

a solvent such as water,

and for that, my friends,

you can thank

thermodynamics and solation.

[Narrator] And heads of state.

- Mayor Schmitt?

- Right.

Mayor Schmitt!

[Schmitt shushing]

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