The Accidental Tourist Page #4

Edward...

...stay.

Good dog.

To tell you the truth,

I didn't exactly plan on having a baby.

In fact, the baby was the reason

we got married.

Now, you watch him

while I walk away.

Pretty soon he'II lie like that

for three hours straight.

Three hours?

Isn't that sort of crueI?

I thought you promised

not to talk like that.

Right. Sorry.

My son's name is Alexander.

Did I tell you that?

Something went wrong, they had to do

a caesarean and take him out early.

I can't ever have any more children.

Alexander was so teeny,

he didn't even look like a human.

He had to stay in an incubator forever,

just about, and nearly died.

Norman, that's my ex-husband...

...he went, When's it gonna

look like other babies?

Norman always called Alexander it.

Maybe you and Alexander

should get together sometime.

- Oh, well, I-

- He doesn't have enough men in his life.

Maybe the three of us could go

to a movie. You ever go to movies?

I...

...really don't care for movies.

They make everything seem so close-up.

Bedpan.

- Outpatient.

- Anesthetic.

Hypodermic.

One hundred forty degrees?

Certain death.

What is she thinking?

Two quarts of stuffing,

I heard her say so.

Two quarts of teeming,

swarming bacteria.

Is this the Thanksgiving we all die?

Here comes the turkey.

Here it is.

Now, this is a reaI Thanksgiving.

I just wish my neighbours could see this.

There may be a little problem here.

The rest of the meaI is excellent.

We could fill up on the vegetables alone.

In fact, I think I'll do that.

What?

- The turkey.

- What?

Pure poison.

Come again?

We think it may have been cooked

at a slightly inadequate temperature.

It was not.

It's perfectly good.

- Mrs. Barrett!

- I can hear you.

Maybe you'd rather just

stick to the side dishes.

Well, perhaps I will.

I don't have much

of an appetite anyway.

Macon, how could you do this?

My lovely turkey. All that work.

I think it looks delicious.

Yes, but you don't know

about the other times.

Other times?

You don't fooI me for an instant.

I know why you're doing this. You wanna

make me look bad in front of Julian.

Julian?

You wanna drive him off.

You three wasted your chances

and now you want me to waste mine...

...but I won't do it!

I can see what's what.

Love is what it's all about.

You wanna make me miss it.

Well, goodness.

You don't want me to stop cooking

for you and taking care of this house.

You don't want Julian

to fall in love with me.

Do what?

Do you think I ought

to go after her?

No.

That poor, dear girI.

I feeI just awfuI.

- But she seems so-

- She's fine.

She's perfectly fine.

- Now, who wants a baked potato?

- I do.

Me.

Julian, potato?

I'll take the turkey.

Actually, have you ever noticed

that Julian wears crew necks?

That doesn't mean he wouldn't

wear a V-neck if he had one.

He's younger, you know.

I don't know if you realize that.

Two years.

But he's got a younger style of living.

Singles apartments and so on.

He's tired of all that.

Don't try to spoiI this, Macon.

I only want to protect you.

It's wrong, you know,

what you said at Thanksgiving.

Love is not what it's all about.

There are all kinds of other issues.

He ate my turkey and didn't get sick.

Two big helpings.

I got this car for only $200.

That's because it needed work.

But I took it to Dominick,

this boy down the street.

I go, Dominick, here's the deaI.

You fix my car...

...I'II let you use it three nights

a week and all day Sunday.

Wasn't that a good idea?

Very inventive.

Hi.

What a good boy.

Give him lots of praise.

- We'll both go in the drugstore.

- Is it safe?

Have to try it sooner or later.

Too pink.

What are you doing for dinner

tomorrow night?

For dinner?

Come and eat at my house.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Just for dinner.

You and me and Alexander.

Say 6:
00.

It's 51021 st Street.

Know where that is?

Well, I don't believe I'm free then.

Think it over.

How old did you say

Alexander was?

He's 7.

Have you thought?

Have you given any thought

to coming to dinner?

Oh, I...

...could come.

If it's only for dinner.

What else would it be for?

Here he is.

Hi, sweetie.

Alexander, this is Macon.

Can you say hi?

You're young to be at the doctor's

without your mother.

He's used to it. He's had to go often.

He's got allergies.

I see.

He's allergic to shellfish, milk, eggs

and most vegetables.

We think he may be allergic to air.

Whenever he's outside a long time,

any uncovered skin gets these bumps.

If a bee stings him

and he hasn't had his shots...

...he could be dead in half an hour.

Dear Muriel...

...I am very sorry...

...but I won't be able to have dinner

with you tomorrow after all.

Something has come up.

Regretfully...

...Macon.

I've got a double-barrelled shotgun

and I'm aiming it where your head is.

It's Macon.

Macon.

What are you doing here?

Last year...

...I- I lost-

I experienced a loss.

I lost-

I lost my son.

He was just-

He went into a hamburger joint...

...and then someone came...

...a holdup man...

...and shot him.

I can't go to dinner with people.

I can't talk to their little boys.

You have to stop asking me.

I don't want to hurt your feelings,

but I'm just not up to this.

Do you hear?

Every day I tell myself

it's time to be getting over this.

I know that people expect it of me.

But if anything, I'm getting worse.

The first year was like a bad dream.

I was clear to his door in the morning...

...before I remembered

he wasn't there to be wakened.

But the second year is reaI.

I've stopped going to his door,

I've sometimes let a whole day pass by...

...without thinking about him.

I believe Sarah thinks I could have

prevented what happened somehow.

She's so used to my arranging her life.

Now I'm far from everyone.

I don't have any friends anymore.

And everyone looks triviaI

and foolish and...

...not related to me.

Just sleep.

Lie down and sleep.

What is it, Mom?

Go back to sleep, baby.

Everything's all right.

I just want to sleep.

Can you take this off?

I'm bashfuI.

- Hey there, Macon.

- Hey there, girls.

- Going to see MurieI?

- I thought I might.

- You brought your own dinner.

- Yeah.

- Good idea.

- You bet.

All right, Gunther!

Pizza man. Extra-large

combination, no anchovies.

I'm allergic to pizza.

What part?

What part are you allergic to?

Pepperoni? Sausage? Mushrooms?

We can take it off.

All of it.

- Can't be allergic to all of it.

- Well, I am.

You didn't ask what happened with

his eye doctor. I was so worried about it.

Sometimes you'd think

Alexander wasn't your grandson.

Ma, I'm going now. Macon's here.

See?

I shut the valve off.

What did I do that for?

I'm not so sure about this.

He's not very strong.

Why did I shut off the valve, Alexander?

- Why?

- You tell me.

- You tell me.

- No, you.

- So the water won't whoosh all over?

- Right.

Now, first you

unscrew the top screw.

- Let's see you do it.

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