The Adventures of Baron Munchausen Page #5

---

We're in a hurry.

Here comes my midget manservant...

with the petit fours.

Albrecht!

- Berthold! What are you doing here?

- Looking for you!

I haven't got the treasure anymore!

I spent it!

I mean, I gave it all to charity.

I don't want the treasure.

Albrecht, this is Sally.

Sally, Albrecht.

Hello.

I want you to help us

fight the Turk again.

No. I couldn't do that.

Not since I found myself.

I never really wanted to be

big and strong...

and lug heavy things about.

I now know I want to be dainty

and sensitive.

They call me their midget down here.

I love it. It's bliss.

He's gone funny.

Hello.

My darling.

My dearest.

Excuse me. May I introduce you

to Baron Munchausen...

and his little friend over there--

Sally.

And Berthold.

This is Venus.

The goddess.

My wife.

Madam.

I am overwhelmed.

Oh, my love!

My life.

The alpha and the omega

of my existence.

I've got something here for you.

A diamond.

For you, my precious.

You're so sweet.

Another diamond.

Madam...

I am, alas, unable to offer you

so splendid a gift.

But allow me to say

that you excel in beauty...

even the magnificent

Catherine the Great of Russia...

Here we go.

who's hand in marriage

I once had the honor of declining.

- Baron, you flatter me.

- Not one jot, madam.

Not one tittle.

What a handsome...

moustache.

Shall we dance?

Come and see the ballroom.

Nice, isn't it?

We've just had it done!

You know that?

I can dance.

Here. Watch this.

Sally, you can dance, can't you?

No.

Thanks a lot!

Stop!

Can we go now?

Hello!

Stop it! Come down!

We've got to get back!

We've got to get back

and save the town!

Please, Baron!

Please!

Don't fret!

The town is in no immediate danger.

The baron's kissing your wife.

What?

I mean-- What?

You're a harlot!

Whore! Did you hear? Whore!

That's enough of that!

You stop it!

Wait. Please!

- But darling!

- Don't you "darling" me!

Do something! Save him!

Darling, don't be jealous!

Jealous! I'm not jealous!

- Give him back to me!

- Excuse me.

You never let me have any friends!

I won't have you wiggling

at philanderers, you floozy!

- Sir, I must assure you--

- Floozy!

I am a goddess!

I can do what I like!

And I am the god, so shut up!

- Excuse me--

- Put him down, you brute!

- Ungrateful mortal!

- Please don't!

You'll pay for this!

- You hear me?

- I insist that the lady is blameless.

Please! Put the baron down!

- Let's not be too hasty!

- He's always like that!

- What have you done to them?

- You small-minded, petty, bourgeoise--

Shut up, you trollop!

- What have you done to the baron?

- You want the baron?

You can have the baron!

No, thanks. It's okay!

I don't need him!

Did you enjoy that?

Did I...

excite you?

I can't swim!

What's happening?

You've got old again.

What do you expect?

I've just been expelled

from a state of bliss.

- It's all your fault!

- Where are we?

Answer me!

The most probable explanation--

if you're not a sceptic--

is we've dropped through the center of

the world and come out the other side...

somewhere in the South Seas.

That's miles away.

Oh! Well done.

- I was happy in my volcano.

- So was I.

Look! An island!

- Is there a volcano in it?

- Shut up about your poxy volcano!

I think there is a volcano on it.

It's moving!

I spy with my little eye...

something beginning with "M."

It's the demon of the deep!

That begins with "D," you klutz!

It's "M" for monster!

Will it eat us?

With any luck.

Baron!

Give me a hand.

He looks dead to me.

He can't be dead!

Go ahead.

Let's put him there.

He doesn't look very perky, does he?

Is there a doctor in the fish?

No doctors.

We've got to get him warm and dry.

What's that noise?

It's music.

That's not music.

Look!

There's a light.

Come on!

This way.

Careful.

Once I had a sweetheart

A sweetheart, once I had

She was the truest

Excuse me!

Hello!

We need some help.

Excuse me!

- We need some help.

- No doctors.

Once I had a sweetheart

Do I hear the baron?

Eh?

Do I hear the baron?

No doctors.

Do I hear the baron?

I just said that!

Use your trumpet!

Adolphus! Gustavus!

Is it really you?

Baron! Berthold!

- Albrecht!

- I don't believe it!

It's Berthold!

Sally, this is Adolphus, who used

to be able to hit a bull's eye...

from halfway 'round the world.

And this is Gustavus...

who could blow over a whole forest

with just one breath!

Those were the days! Aye?

When we were young and alive!

How do you mean?

It's no good fighting it.

- We're not dead!

- You have to accept it.

We're all dead here.

This is hell!

- Heaven.

- Hell!

Heaven!

Don't be stupid.

Well, sit down. Relax.

Have a game.

You're dead for a very long time.

Come on. Sit down.

Let's have a nice game.

What are you doing?

You're giving up, aren't you?

You can't give up!

I won't let you!

Go away. Clear off.

What about Rose and Daisy

and my father...

and all the others?

- You promised to help them!

- They are perfectly safe.

They can look after themselves.

Besides, there are

more important things.

Such as?

Well--

You horrible little brat!

Can't you let me die in peace

once in a while?

Bucephalus!

My Bucephalus!

You must have heard me shouting.

This is a good omen, what?

Oh, yeah.

Prepare a rowing boat

and be ready to leave.

Come on, boy.

I have learned from experience...

that a modicum of snuff

can be most efficacious.

I'll never eat fish again.

Where's the baron?

Baron, where are you?

It's the baron!

Come on.

I can't keep this up forever!

Look! The town!

We're here!

Look!

The flag's still flying!

I told you there was nothing

to worry about.

Fire!

Oh, my God!

It's the sultan's army!

Quick! Back in the fish!

They're inviting us to defeat them.

We must oblige them.

On the count of three!

Gustavus! Blow them back to Asia Minor.

Adolphus, find the sultan

and shoot him!

Albrecht, row for the shore!

Berthold, make yourself useful!

One, two, three!

Could you make that four?

We're going down!

Abandon ship!

I think the ship's

abandoning us, mate!

Jump!

Attack!

I still can't swim.

- This is absolutely dreadful!

- It's hopeless.

I've never before been

in such a disastrous rout!

I'm usually on the winning side!

If you weren't so competitive,

you wouldn't get so upset!

Albrecht's useless!

We might as well give up now.

You mustn't say that! Not you!

If we begin attacking

in two directions simultaneously...

we confound surprise with confusion.

Albrecht and Gustavus will provide

the major themes to the battle...

- while Adolphus and--

- Baron.

Don't interrupt. What is it?

This isn't going to work.

- What do you mean?

- They're all old and tired now.

It isn't like it used to be.

Don't you see?

Where are you going?

- To give myself up.

- What?

I gave my word I'd raze the siege

and save the town.

I gathered you for that purpose.

If you want to see

Baron Munchausen again...

you'd better do something about it.

You can't give yourself up!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes