The Adventures of Baron Munchausen Page #4

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- Berthold!

- Eh?

It's Berthold!

It's me! The baron!

I knew I'd find you

on the moon.

I'm going to take you back to Earth

to help us fight the sultan!

Get off me!

You're Berthold!

My old servant.

Those leg irons are to slow you down.

Stop you tearing off all over the place.

- You must be joking.

- You always wore them. Remember?

- You're crackers!

- I'm Baron Munchausen.

Hmm. That sounds nasty.

Is it contagious?

We're wasting time!

Darling Baron!

Ariadne.

I'm sorry I couldn't

speak with you before...

but Roger's so difficult.

Where exactly is Roger?

In bed with my body, of course.

Stop it!

If he discovers my head's with you--

Quickly!

Climb into my hair.

Why is she making those funny noises?

Her body is with the king...

and he is...

tickling her feet.

- Oh, no!

- Berthold.

- Come on!

- Let go of me!

- You're coming with us.

- No chance.

- Why not?

- I can't remember.

- Are you frightened?

- That's it!

- Come on. Help me.

- Stop it!

Quickly.

Climb aboard.

Give me your hand.

- Hold tight.

- I don't want to escape!

- Here we go!

- Gosh! I can't hold on!

I love these!

I tickle you till dawn, darling.

There we go!

There! I wipe everything away.

There! Tickley! Tickley!

Darling, you love this!

I know you do!

But you don't say anything!

Why you don't say anything?

You are a pillow biter!

Hey! Tickley! Tickley!

Baron, I must get back to Roger

before he notices I am headless!

I quite understand.

Darling. Take me with you.

- Back to Earth?

- Oh, yes!

Without your body?

I thought you loved me

for myself!

I did.

I mean, I do!

Of course, I do.

- It's just--

- We have to go!

I think you're right, aren't you?

It's impossible.

Oh! Take a lock of my hair.

Just a lock, cocky.

Not the whole carpet.

I'll treasure it.

The king! I must go!

Au revoir, my dear Baron.

Yes! I'm coming, Roger!

Darling, I'm going to drive you

to China!

Let it out!

Oh, my God! Where is your head?

No wonder you're so quiet.

I'm too rough. I knock it off?

It's around here.

I find it. We play "head and seek."

Hold on! Oh, you play a trick?

Darling, come out!

You're not here!

Where you--

You are with the baron.

You are with that little man.

You told me

size don't make a difference!

You puttana!

No head to hit!

I'll find you, Baron!

And then I kill you!

Fetch me my radish club!

Faster!

I make a baron brochette! Sybil!

Come on! Faster!

But he can't! Berthold can hardly move!

Take his weights off.

- I have!

- What?

- He's old! He can't run anymore.

- Nonsense!

He's just out of practice.

Come on, Berthold!

Look for him!

Nowhere to run to!

Nowhere to hide for you, Baron!

What are you looking at?

Look down there!

Come on!

There he is, Sybil.

Down there.

I got you now, Baron!

Wait, Sybil!

Whoa!

Wait! There they are!

Are you hungry, my darling?

All right. You take the baron.

You take the bald one.

And for you, my sweet...

the little girl

because you're my favorite.

All right! Dinner is served!

- Teamwork, Sybil!

- You go that way. I'll go this way.

- You're the last of your species!

- Go on!

Work with me! Stay together!

No, girls! Don't split up on me now!

Mayday!

We're going down! Mayday!

Sybil! Don't desert me now!

I love you!

I'm free!

I'm free at last!

The body is dead!

The body is dead! Long live the head!

It's finished!

Bye, body!

I shall prove a head

does not need a body to survive!

I am omnipotent!

Yes! Oh, no! I got an itch.

Well done, Sally!

Thanks!

How great to see you!

What are you doing here?

- Get off me!

- It's me!

Berthold, your old servant! Remember?

- Yes! We've been through all that.

- Where are we?

On the Moon.

Oh, yeah. Same old baron!

- Can we go now?

- Get weaving.

Hang on.

It's all coming back.

I've been stuck here

for over 20 years!

Ever since you were last here

on the moon!

You abandoned me here!

You swine!

You toddled off

with that old queen of tarts...

and left me to rot

in that parrot cage, didn't you?

And now you come back,

just because it suits you...

after wasting half my life...

and expect me to follow you

to the ends of the Earth!

Yes!

All right.

Do you know where

the rest of the gang are?

Not a clue.

This is precisely the sort of thing

that no one ever believes.

Right, Berthold.

You go first.

Then Sally.

Careful.

Off you go.

That's it!

There's no more rope.

- Mind now. I'm going back up.

- Wait a moment.

Here! Tie this to the end of it.

Where'd you get this?

I cut it from the top.

Naturally!

Where else would I get it?

- But--

- Yes, yes!

Splice it to the ends

so that we may continue our descent.

Very clever. Great.

Why didn't I think of that?

That's why he's a baron

and I'm a prole.

We'll never rescue them now!

- That's not enough!

- That's what I got to offer!

And a separate agreement for overtime!

Six percent!

Five percent or no increased production!

We want more!

I'm still in one piece!

- I think.

- I can't imagine why.

Our descent, in what I take to be

the volcano of Mount Etna...

should have been slowed

by a rising cushion of warm air.

Damn thing seems to have gone out.

Oh, no! Not more giants!

Can I help you tiny mortals?

I sincerely hope so.

I'm Baron Munchausen.

You may have heard of me.

My friends and I are looking

for three men:

One with exceptional eyesight.

One with superb hearing

and powerful lungs.

One who is extremely large and strong.

We're all extremely large

and strong here!

I am Vulcan, the god.

And these...

are my giant employees--

the cyclops--

who even now are going back to work!

Go slow!

I'm willing to supply arms and equipment

to anyone prepared to pay the price!

Greeks, Trojans, Romans, Huns.

It's not my fault if they're

crazy enough to slaughter each other!

You mankey crew!

You go-slowers don't impress me!

I'm God.

I've got all the time in the universe!

You hear that?

All the time! Me!

You know, in the old days...

the staff used to get paid on the dot

every thousand years.

This lot expect them every century.

That is outrageous!

What's this?

This is our prototype.

RX Intercontinental...

Radar Sneaky...

Multiwarheaded Nuclear Missile.

- What does it do?

- Do?

Kills the enemy.

- All the enemy?

- Aye. All of them.

All their wives,

children, sheep, cattle.

And all their cats and dogs.

All of them gone for good.

That's horrible!

Well, you see, the advantage is...

you don't have to see

one single one of them die.

You just sit comfortably...

thousands of miles away

from the battlefield...

and simply press the button.

Well, where's the fun in that?

We cater to all sorts here.

You'd be surprised.

Would you care for

a little fodder, perhaps?

- Delicious!

- It's not a bad drop of tea...

as far as nectar of the gods go.

You can stay as long as you like.

It's nice to have company for tea.

Thank you. It'll be a pleasure.

I'm sorry, but we have to go soon.

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