The Adventures of Beatle Page #2

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- Don't say it!

Let's not get distracted

from the matter at hand.

Why do you insist on this fantasy

of being an assassin?

- It's not a fantasy. It's true.

- No. It's not.

Personally, I think an assassin

sounds better than a tow truck driver.

So now you're admitting to being

an assassin? Which is it?

You tell me.

Next.

I'm back. And I have cash now.

[TYPING]

Eight hundred nineteen dollars,

twenty-three cents.

Sh*t.

The meter...

I had to... I had to pay the meter

I must have miscalculated. I...

This is all the money I have in the

world, I had to borrow it to pay this.

So you have to pay the whole thing.

Are you serious? It's ten cents.

Sorry. You have to pay the whole thing.

You're not sorry.

Are you, you certainly should be.

But you're not. Not at all are you?

- No.

- Sh*t!

[COUGHS] Next.

No. Is this funny,

you think this is funny?

You think it's funny that my car has a gaudy

hunk of orange metal on it right now,

and the only way for me

to get it off before it gets towed

is to borrow $819 from a man

I'm already indebted to

for the rest of my natural life?

You think it's funny that I got here

first thing this morning?

I waited two fricken hours

only to have you to tell me

I have to have cash, when I called

before to make sure you take checks

and I was told that you do.

Is there some sort of humor in the fact

that it's now almost

four o'clock in the afternoon

and for all I know you've towed my

f***ing car already,

and you can't help me out

with ten f***ing cents.

When I'm already paying $819

to you goddamn highway robber.

Where's the f***ing punchline, a**hole?

Because I'm obviously

not too quick on the pickup today.

[EXHALES]

No.

Sorry, you have to pay the whole thing.

Does anyone have a dime I can borrow?

It doesn't have to be a dime, um...

Two nickles?

- [MAN COUGHS]

- Nickle and five pennies?

- Anybody? Please?

- MAN:
Sorry.

Here, senorita.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- De nada.

Look, I'll grant you, I do enjoy

a little artistic flare here and there.

It helps me fill in the occasional gap,

you know what I mean?

I actually think that

it makes things more interesting.

For example, the DMV may have

been a bit more like...

Seriously, we don't take checks.

As opposed to my version,

which you have to admit

is far more entertaining, right?

Here you are, picking up a payment.

- Payment for what?

- For a hit, of course.

- Oh, because I'm an assassin.

- Well, aren't you?

What does the evidence say?

You know, that park has had

security surveillance cameras

in operation for over a decade?

And they take a shot every 45 seconds.

Oh, and please if you will,

Beatle, note the time stamp right there.

You've got to f***ing

love those things, right?

They're absolutely incredible

at placing a certain individual

in a certain spot, at a certain time,

Doing a certain thing.

And in some cases,

committing a certain crime.

- It's certainly detailed.

- Yeah.

So while I may be guilty of peppering in

a little artistic flare here and there.

The one thing that you can be sure of

is that where the facts are concerned,

the parts that really matter,

I absolutely have all the evidence

I need to take this to a court of law.

Care to explain this receipt to me?

I'll tell you what I think happened.

Kyle's car breaks down

and he calls a towing company.

You. You show up, you see

he's giving her a hard time.

He's got his hands around her neck,

and he's strangling her.

So you decide to knock him out, right.

What did you use? A tire iron, a wrench?

Come on, Beatle, am I getting warm?

Beatle Boyin Towing/Assassination?

You the mighty assassin, you bust up Kyle,

and you whisk away

your damsel in distress, Athena.

I've got to be getting

warm now, right, Beatle?

I don't know.

- You know what I think, Beatle?

- What?

I think you were sweet on Athena.

[UP-TEMPO SONG IN BACKGROUND]

So, uh, how much do you charge?

- Depends.

- On what?

On what you're looking for.

I give a discount for child molesters,

wife beaters, the occasional pimp.

Also, you have to factor in travel,

method of execution, risk...

yada, yada, yada.

- What about me?

- What about you?

How much for you to kill me?

- You ever mess with a kid?

- No.

This should answer

any questions you might have.

You put this in writing?

Yeah, how else are you going to know

what you get yourself in to?

What if you get caught?

Are you afraid they'll find this?

Well, if I get caught then it

won't really matter will it?

So, Athena Glendon.

Any relation to the multi-billion

software company, Glendon?

Barton Glendon is my father.

He disowned me years ago.

- Is that why you want to die?

- No.

So why do you want to die then?

It's really none of your business, is it?

[CHUCKLES]

Well, now my curiosity is peaked.

- Aw, I'm so sorry about your...

- Okay, ladies, what's it gonna be?

How's the eggs Florentine here?

You gotta death wish?

Uh, I guess I'll have one of these then.

One of what, hon?

The little eggy deally here.

We've got umpteen egg dishes here,

sweetheart, which one do you want?

This one.

I left my glasses in my other apron.

The egg-stra me-egga

Del-egg-table spec-egg-tacular.

- And you?

- Um, nothing thank you.

Eggs Florentine would be

a hell of a lot cheaper than me.

Uh, probably, but I can't afford it.

So now are you planning on

paying for me then?

Well, I have a life insurance policy.

It's the one thing my parents

didn't take away from me.

So, I figure I'd change it,

make you the beneficiary.

More than cover your fee.

You just have this

all figured out don't you?

I need a place to stay

while I work out the details.

As soon as, uh, Kyle wakes up

from the coma, you put him in,

he's gonna come looking for me.

- And?

- He'll kill me.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, it seems you'd be saving us

both a whole lot of trouble then

if you just went home

and got knocked out for free.

Not like that, not by him.

What difference does it make who does it?

You serious?

Yeah, I mean, who cares as long as

the job gets done?

- I do.

- And I'm asking you why?

Because I hate him.

And I don't want my last moments

on this earth to be spent

anywhere near him, I just...

I can't think of

a worse tragedy than that.

And what makes you think that

spending your last moments with me

is going to be any better?

I like you.

Randy, I'm really confused.

Detective Hult.

What's this first degree murder charge

you're threatening me with?

Don't play stupid.

Is the possibility of

a death sentence not enough for you?

- Huh?

- The death penalty for killing who?

Okay, let me get this straight.

Are you saying that

this story so far is not true?

I'm not saying anything.

Bruce?

Bummer.

Look, boss, she can't get too far

without cash or a car.

Just find the gypsy, you'll find Athena.

Actually, boss, I think

the proper term would be.

Roma or Romani, not Gypsy.

Yeah, you see it's a common

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