The Adventures of Beatle Page #3

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misconception stemming from

the erroneous conjecture

that the Roma or Romani,

if you will, originated in Egypt.

Recent studies have shown

the fact that they...

Bruce. Just find them.

Oh, and Bruce, don't touch either of them.

Bring them both back here.

I want to help this time.

[DOOR OPENS]

You in some kind of a coma or something?

Seriously, should I be looking for

a piece of candy

or a wallet to shove in your mouth?

Maybe one of those long ass needles

to plunge into your chest?

Hello?

Why do you have

a wall full of dead spiders?

Oh, yeah. Those...

I keep them there as kind of

a warning to any other spiders

that might wander through here.

That way they can glimpse their

fate and decide whether or not

they want to hang around to meet it.

Huh, and did it ever occur

you after the fourth or fifth time

that your plan wasn't working out so well?

What do you mean?

Are you serious, there has got to be

97 spiders on this wall.

And?

And they don't understand they're spiders.

How do you know they don't understand,

are you some very unusual spider psychic?

Are there perished souls

speaking to you right now, Ms. Cleo?

I'm looking at the wall and I'm taking

a wild stab in the dark here,

I'm guessing, if they understood your

twisted little warning sign,

probably wouldn't be

a part of it right now.

So in your infinitely wise logic

that I am obviously

too cabbage-headed to grasp.

You're saying that if those spiders

knew that if I was going to kill them

then they wouldn't be in my house. Right?

Now you're catching on.

Because if they knew and they stayed,

that would make them what?

What would that make them?

So there is a wall full of dead spiders?

What does that have to do with anything?

It has to do with you, Beatle.

Your character, you're a killer

and you enjoy killing things.

So this is just me letting you know

that I know, I see it,

and I'm going to make sure a jury sees it.

So you think that I kill things

because I enjoy it?

Maybe, then again, maybe not.

I don't know,

I'm not a psychiatrist I'm a cop.

The point is you entered into a contract

with Athena Clendon to kill her.

Change that life insurance policy yet?

Yes.

It takes seven to ten

business days before it's final.

- Seven to ten business days, huh?

- Why?

The assassination fee's one thing,

but room and board for two weeks?

We're going to have to

work something out here.

I told you, I don't have any money. Okay?

And just because my last name is Glendon,

don't think you'll see

a dime of that money either.

You... You could chop off

my tits and send them to him

in an empty Ding-Dong box,

they wouldn't even send you

a quarter and a pack of chewing gum.

So whatever's going through

your head right now...

Whoa, there, hose. Reel it in.

Nobody is talking about

medieval torture around here.

I'm not even talking about money,

for fucks sake.

Oh... Now I get...

My gaydar isn't quite as acute

as it used to be but it...

It makes sense.

Um, before you embarrass

yourself even further.

I'm not talking about sex either.

You don't want money, you don't want sex.

Right. Well, not from you anyway.

What do you mean not from me?

I... I happen to be

a very attractive woman.

Who most people would cut

their right arm off to be with.

When I was in high school...

Why is everything an amputation with you?

Every other sentence out of your mouth, some

unfortunate a**hole is loosing a body part.

It's a little weird.

[SCOFFS] Okay, what do you want me to do?

Because I'm not sticking around

here if it's not kosher.

I need you to help me with my infomercial.

Infomercial? Of course, that

would have been my next guess.

So we have a deal?

Yeah, yeah, I think I can handle that.

Good.

We can talk about this further

when I get back from my shrink.

- Why do you want to die again?

- Nice try.

So now you've actually got

your next hit living with you,

not to mention she's helping you

out with your business.

- Of being an assassin.

- Yes, exactly.

But what does any of this

have to do with Bruce?

I want to talk about Carla.

Randy. You're all over the place.

It's Detective Hult.

- This isn't making any sense.

- Then start making sense, Beatle.

It's up to you to make sense, not me.

I know my story.

I know my case. I've been working

on this for seven years now.

- So you start making sense.

- Okay.

Tell me about the last time you saw Carla.

[HEAVY BREATHING]

Okay...

Alright, who are you and what

have you done with my favorite trick?

Huh?

Well, I don't know, I mean, you know,

it's like you're not here or something.

Is everything okay?

I don't know, that's what I was

sitting here trying to figure out.

Well, you are not only just sitting here,

you happen to be sitting here

with the most talented mouth

this side of the continental divide.

Jesus! Can you f***ing pretend to have

some sexual etiquette or something?

Act like you're having fun.

Alright, look, you know...

Don't get it twisted

or anything because I...

I like you a lot, but you're still

going to have to pay me so...

You like me?

Sh... Sure.

- That's strange.

- [CHUCKLES]

Okay, I'll bite, why?

That's the, um... second time this week

that somebody's said that to me.

The first time was the first time.

- I don't understand.

- Ever. In my life.

Are you shitting me?

No.

Beatle.

What was your relationship

with Athena Glendon?

I really don't think

that that's any of your business.

Friends?

Maybe a little more than friends?

You know the bartender at St. Mary's

said you two

were getting a little cozy together.

Really cozy together.

It's very interesting kind of stuff

they have here at your bar.

Yeah.

It's, you know, the local dive bar.

Right.

Well, cheers.

Cheers.

- You should do that more often.

- Hm?

Smile.

Okay.

I'll try to do that more.

Okay, Beatle Boyin.

Where, where can you be?

I see London, I see France.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

What time are you out of here, sweetheart?

Two o'clock.

So have you ever been in a relationship?

Yes. I have.

Well, I... I meant a serious relationship.

Yes. Very serious.

Did it end badly with him or something?

- Her.

- Oh...

Um...

She was into this whole subculture thing

that was happening in Portland

at the time and...

I just wanted to make her happy.

What kind of subculture?

She liked to bite.

Oh, wow.

- Well, was that a bad thing?

- With fangs.

- Oh, wow.

- So... a little weird.

Yeah. That's really weird.

Kinda sounds like a really great

way to get AIDS, too.

Oh...

It's a bill for a blow job,

250 if you want to go all the way.

Anything else you want to

incorporate is obviously extra.

Um... I'm as flexible as your wallet is.

So if you have any kinky sh*t you want

to do just make sure you can pay for it.

So, what's it going to be?

You and me

need to have a little chit chat.

No! No! No! No!

- [GRUNTS]

- [GROANS]

- Ladies, here you go.

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