The Adventures of Beatle Page #5

---

By the time you're done with all

your Hail Mary's and Our Father's,

that's like a good five minutes

you could've spent jerking off.

Any who, my friend gave me

a thousand bucks and told me

to find the best video camera I can.

Suggestions?

Shall we move on to the next foot now?

- [MUFFLED SCREAMING]

- [CHUCKLES]

You trying to say something, man?

Ugh, Jesus. What you got?

- Her file is in the desk.

- In the desk.

As much as I'm enjoying

this psychological,

and somewhat entertaining,

side to this case.

I want to focus

on this right here, Beatle. Okay?

Because this right here is the evidence

that proves you're a killer.

You want to start co-operating?

And remember, I'm not just the

spokesperson, I'm also a client.

And by the time you see this infomercial,

Beatle Boyin will have yet

another satisfied customer.

Did you get it, because I'm gonna be dead?

- Right.

- Right.

Well...

Beatle.

You're not thinking about

pussying out on me are you?

- No.

- No, because that would not be cool,

because we have a deal.

Yes, yes we have a deal.

So you're gonna hold up

your end of the bargain?

- Yes. Can we just move on, please?

- As long as we're clear.

Yes. We are clear,

I will kill you, you will be dead. Okay?

Good, let's do it again.

I think its time for you to start

admitting how you felt about this girl.

Why do we keep on going back to Athena,

when this is supposed to be about me

being, what,

the killer of this guy named Bruce?

Because I need a motive.

Now, I think you killed Bruce

because he was on to Athena.

Okay, so, I'm going to kill Athena.

WOMAN ON TV:
How many times

have you found yourself

in the awkward position

of having to ask a complete stranger

in a public restroom

to provide you with toilet paper?

Really?

What?

You have how much time left

and you're really gonna spend it

watching television?

I'm broke.

So?

So, unless you're offering to take me out

on a date I don't really have any options.

You'd go out on a date with me?

What you mean?

If you approached me in a bar?

Yeah, if I approached you in a bar

and I asked you out, what would you say?

I'd probably say yes.

Really?

Yeah.

You got that sexy sort of

bad ass thing happening.

Wow. Who knew?

But of course I'd have to tell you

I have AIDS and you'd probably

retract the offer, so really, this

conversation is pointless, isn't it?

MAN ON TV:

Shipping not available in all states.

- Some restrictions may...

- [TV SHUTS OFF]

Will you go out with me tonight?

Yes.

[ACOUSTIC MUSIC PLAYS]

How am I doing so far?

Good. So far, so good.

This is my first date, so I kinda

want to make sure I do it right.

Are you serious?

You've never been on a date before?

Never.

Wow. Being a woman's first date.

I feel so privileged.

Got to be something to be said for it,

not really sure what it is but...

- Does that mean you've never?

- What?

You know?

Oh, God, no. Of course I have.

Well, I don't know,

if you've never dated...

- I have a girl.

- Oh.

What does that mean you have a girl?

Are you... are you in a relationship?

Are you kidding?

She's a stripper,

we see each other once a week.

It's a mutually beneficial situation.

She's a hooker.

Okay, that's one way to put it.

Okay, do you guys have one of

those weird relationships.

Where one or both of you

has feelings for the other one?

Why are we still talking about this,

it's really insignificant.

Because sometimes people

get really attached,

and it turns into this whole big thing.

Athena, I've never been attached

to anyone before in my life.

Before you I've never felt

anything for... anyone.

They have an excellent tortilla soup here,

you should try it if you've never had it.

Tortilla soup, it's good.

It sounds... good.

Good.

- Ah, excuse me.

- Uh-huh.

Hi, I'd like to place

an order for delivery, please.

[CLATTERING]

Okay, so, just wait here.

[SWITCH PULLING]

You know, I totally

couldn't find that light switch.

- Who the hell are you?

- Bruce.

Athena, looking lovely as always.

We'll see if we can't

change that, shall we?

Beatle, we have to go, he'll kill us.

Now, now, Athena,

no one's going to get killed.

I'm just going to take you

both over to Kyle's

and see what happens after that.

Okie dokie?

- Hold it right there, don't move.

- Or what?

Huh? What you want to do?

[GUN SHOTS]

Beatle, come on.

Beatle, Beatle!

- [GRUNTS]

- [SCREAMS]

Maybe you ought to call her Ronda

that'll get your attention.

Oh, really?

You haven't told her yet?

Did I let the cat out of the bag?

Shame on me.

Let go of her.

What do you suppose the chances are?

Of you actually hitting me

with that bullet.

Without accidentally hitting your

bestest friend

in the whole world here, in the process?

I said, let go of her.

You know what, I'm feeling pretty f***ing

lucky, I'm going to call your bluff.

- [GROANS]

- Stop it, let her go!

Make me.

Actually surprised you haven't heard

the story, it's a really good one.

One more step and I'll shoot you.

I guess I'll tell her the story myself.

It goes a little something like this.

Once upon a time,

there was this crazy cult.

- [GUN SHOT]

- [SCREAMS]

The end.

Are you okay?

- Call the cops.

- Beatle, what are you talking about?

- Call the cops!

- Beatle, you don't want the cops here.

This is an apartment complex,

people notice things like gun shots,

- work with me here, please.

- Okay.

BEATLE:
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I'm calling, I'm calling right now.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- [SIRENS]

Thank you, Ms. Glendon. We'll be in touch.

Thanks.

Well, as far as I can tell

this is an open and shut case.

Trespassing, self defense, What have you.

But I will need you to stay in town

until the official investigation is over.

You understand? Okay, great.

Here's my card. If you have any

questions, feel free to call me.

[DOOR SHUTS]

- You know... I don't understand...

- Please... don't, okay.

You weren't expecting Kyle

to clear out Bruce's things

and put them in storage

for seven years, now were you?

Including your video camera

that he took from your towing office.

Which features a taped confession

about being an assassin.

So where's the tape

showing me saying that?

You really think we don't have it? Hmm?

Anyway, you think the tape

is going to make or break this case?

I mean look around you,

this file on its own!

All fantasy.

And besides we've got you

taking payments for those hits.

This could be anyone.

But it's not, Beatle. It's you, isn't it?

Now I've been very patient here, alright?

But I'm starting to get very tired

with this conversation, Beatle.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah? Why are you getting tired?

Because of the way that

you have this story in your head.

You already have me tried and convicted,

and it feels like nothing I say

is going to convince you otherwise.

So... why should I bother?

Try me.

I think there's a chance that you

believe it's possible, just possible,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes