The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension Page #17

INT. WORLD WATCH ONE/BUS - DAY316

Everyone studying a much MORE DETAILED COMPUTER ENHANCEMENT of the

alien cloud...

The Alien John Parker on the phone, whispering...317

RENO:

They're armed for bear, Buckaroo. Check out those radiation levels.

BUCKAROO BANZAI:

(to John Parker)

John Parker, tell them we're doing our best. Stall.

JOHN PARKER:

(into phone)

Buckaroo Banzai says patience is a virtue, Wing Commander, sir.

Perfect Tommy interrupting again, holding yet another telephone...

PERFECT TOMMY:

It's Whorfin, Buckaroo. Line 3.

BUCKAROO BANZAI:

Whorfin? Does he know we're coming?

INT. SPEED OPERATOR'S PULPIT (YOYODYNE) - NIGHT318

Meanwhile in a grimy narrow control booth high above the factory floor,

a terrified Penny Priddy sits BOUND and GAGGED, John O'Connor SPREADING

THE CONTENTS FROM A HONEY-BEAR SQUEEZE BOTTLE over her naked arms while

long trails of ORDINARY PICNIC ANTS make their way up her legs...John

Bigbooté looking on...

Penny's UNOPENED big clear plastic purse on Doctor Lizardo's desk, the

OVERTHRUSTER right under his nose and he doesn't even know it as he

speaks into the phone handed to him by an ASSISTANT. BEGIN

INTERCUTTING.

DOCTOR LIZARDO:

Well, well...Dr. Banzai. Perhaps you don't remember me? Ah, I'm

flattered. We know the same people. In fact, one of them is here with

me now...your associate, Doctor Penny Priddy.

319

BUCKAROO BANZAI:

"Doctor"--?

320

DOCTOR LIZARDO:

May I pass along my congratulations for your great achievement. In the

miserable annals of the Earth, you will be duly enshrined! However...

(a pause)

...Miss Priddy claims to be unable to solve my problem. And provide the

crucial missing circuit for my Overthruster. Perhaps you can convince

her to try.

Lizardo holding the phone toward Penny, ripping her gag off...

PENNY PRIDDY:

I'm not worth it, Buckaroo! Forget me!

BUCKAROO BANZAI:

Penny--?! Are you all right?

Doctor Lizardo yanking the phone from Penny, remaining silent for a

second to torture Buckaroo's soul...

BUCKAROO BANZAI:

She knows nothing, Lizardo.

DOCTOR LIZARDO:

Then shall we say "A Penny for your thoughts?" You can come in her

place. Yoyodyne, Dr. Banzai. Come alone, with your Overthruster!

(hanging up)

He'll bring it. I know his type.

Penny glancing surreptitiously at her large transparent purse, THE

OVERTHRUSTER IN A JUMBLE OF COSMETICS!

DOCTOR LIZARDO:

Take her to the pit! Use more honey. Find out what she knows.

Smiling smugly, Lizardo heads for the door, Penny squirming in her seat

as the TINY ANTS dig in...

PENNY PRIDDY:

Who are you? Hanoi Shan? The Scourge of Burma! The Pivot of Mystery?

Well, you're not destroying me like you did my sister!

Lizardo simply sneering at her as he goes out the door...

INT. PASSENGER SECTION/BUS - NIGHT321

A flurry of well-ordered activity taking place...Hong Kong Cavaliers

and Blue Shield Irregulars along with Pinky Carruthers. Casper and

Scooter...sitting up front like paratroopers, cleaning their back-pack

FLAMETHROWERS...SAWED-OFF SHOTGUNS...Buckaroo giving them a chalk talk,

an aerial photograph of Yoyodyne on the clear plexiglas 'blackboard'...

BUCKAROO BANZAI:

These antidote filters the Professor's whipped up will let you to see

them like I have since yesterday, as arachtoidal creatures. They won't

be pretty, nothing personal, John Parker. But just remember...if we

fail tonight, there's no tomorrow.

JOHN PARKER:

They will never surrender. They will fight to the end.

Buckaroo nodding...THE CAVALIERS BREATING THEIR ANTIDOTE FILTERS,

SEEING NOW "THE ALIEN" JOHN PARKER WITH A MIXTURE OF DISBELIEF AND

HORROR...Casper and Scooter Lindley especially unsettled...

BUCKAROO BANZAI:

I'm working under the assumption that Penny still has the Overthruster.

That'll be my job: get it back in one piece. Here's the main gate.

I'll pass through first, alone. The rest of you divide into two strike

groups-Apache Team...that's you, Reno...and Chaparral Team, Perfect

Tommy. John Parker'll ride with Chaparral.

Perfect Tommy not too thrilled about that.

BUCKAROO BANZAI:

Top priority is the Overthruster. Whorfin can't escape without it. The

built-in tracking device should make it relatively simple to

locate...maybe hard to get.

INT. BOWELS OF YOYODYNE - NIGHT322

Penny being dragged by John O'Connor through a slimy underground

corridor, past a strange piece of machinery.

INT. WALTER REED HOSPITAL - NIGHT323

The President of the United States talks into a cigarette lighter and

peeks up a nurse's skirt by means of his floor mirror...

324

MIRRORED POV:
The nurse's reflection replaced by that of his NATIONAL

SECURITY ADVISOR...

325

PRESIDENT WIDMARK

Buckaroo, come in...over. How does this damn thing work? Can anybody

figure this lighter out?

NATIONAL SECURITY MAN

No, sir. I think the flint...

PRESIDENT WIDMARK

What's happening with my call to SAC?

NATIONAL SECURITY MAN

Still no confirmation either from SAC or Strategic Space Command. They

report all surveillance satellite communication jammed.

PRESIDENT WIDMARK

Jammed--? By who? Whom by?

NATIONAL SECURITY MAN

Possible atmospheric condition, sir...solar. It's unusual, but no

cause for alarm. Intelligence reports the Soviets are having the same

problem.

PRESIDENT WIDMARK

Should we be on Code Red?

GENERAL CATBURD:

We go to Code Red, the Russians go to Code Red...no sense jumping off

half-cocked, Mr. President.

The President twisting around to glower at Catburd eating an orange,

sitting near a table of flowers and fruit baskets.

SENATOR CUNNINGHAM

I don't know...Buckaroo Banzai's never been wrong before.

Senator Cunningham pacing nervously...

GENERAL CATBURD:

The man went through solid matter, for crying out loud. Who knows what

it did to his brain...maybe scrambled his molecules. All I'm saying is,

let's not panic here! I'm sure there's a rational explanation...

NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR

(turning from a strange phone)

Russian radar is down, sir. They've just gone to Code Red.

Silence. And then calmly and quietly:

PRESIDENT WIDMARK

We've got no choice then. Call my wife.

The National Security Advisor turning back to his telephone:

NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR

Code Red. "Butch says we're crimson."

GENERAL CATBURD:

Mr. President, none of us here are lunatics or irrational men...

(looking at Cunningham)

...or persons. I'm a soldier and I'm a damn good one, enough

decorations to snap a Christmas tree, but I don't mind telling you, I'm

sure I speak for everyone in this room when I say I am scared. I'm

barely holding my fudge right now.

SENATOR CUNNINGHAM

Stop acting like a goddamn schoolgirl, General, and pull yourself

together.

PRESIDENT WIDMARK

I'm glad someone has the balls to face facts!

(pause)

Forget we're the good guys and we'd never attack first. They think

we're godless monsters just like them. Put yourself in their

samovars...sitting in the dark without radar, bells ringing all over

the damn Kremlin, little men in fedora hats getting out of Zils, coming

into the Great Hall of the People. Now, do you think they're gonna

listen to reason? I'll give Buckaroo his Planet 10 space cloud, but do

you think they will?

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