The Adventures of Pluto Nash Page #5

and champagne?

I'll send you a check.

Sh*t!

- Ram them.

- What?

Ram them!

Stay on them.

Okay!

Go, go, go!

Die, die, Pluto Nash.

Yes!

- I'm hit!

- Quiet!

I'm hit!

Bruno, you see that rill right there?

No rills, please!

It's a clear approach and a perfect lip!

- What's a rill?

- That's a rill!

Pluto.

- Are you crazy?

- Hold on!

Say when, Bruno!

Three, two, one...

...go!

Stop, stop!

That's why they call us rill-hoppers.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Evacuate! Evacuate!

Put your helmet on!

- Why?

- Hurry, get it on!

Where are you going?

- Overboard, brother.

- It's been real, James.

Great, so I'll just sit here

and blow up, shall I?

- Can we go home now?

- No!

Get us to the other side.

All right.

Even if they escaped

before the explosion...

...there would be no way

for them to survive out here, right?

Let's go.

Excuse me, could you give me a lift?

I have some information

about the people that you're looking for.

Come back here!

I can help you find them, you bastards!

What do we do now?

We start walking.

We don't have any food or water.

We'll run out of air long before

we need food and water. Trust me.

- I can't breathe.

- Come on, Dina, hang in there.

Hang in there.

Dina.

Dina.

Boss.

Boss...

...battery...

...low.

Sh*t!

- Stay down or you'll pass out again.

- Okay.

You on a nature walk or something?

No, the thrusters on my vehicle blew out.

What's going on? Where are we?

It's okay. I just rescued you.

My name is Felix Laranga.

Felix, I'm Pluto and that's Dina.

Pluto?

- Pluto Nash?

- Yeah.

The Pluto Nash?

Yeah.

Get out of here, I'm your number one fan!

You're the reason

I got into the smuggling business.

Let me tell you something.

This man is the Tito Puente of rill-hopping.

Right here, this is the guy.

Could you bring my robot inside?

He needs to be recharged.

Look, I had a really bad

robot experience once.

I had this fine robot mamita

and I rented her out...

...took her back to my place,

we started getting busy.

All of a sudden, there's a malfunction,

and bam! She does a Terminator on me.

Busted a couple of my ribs,

dislocated my shoulder.

I'm lucky I'm still alive.

Don't worry about Bruno.

He's not going to hurt you.

As long as you don't

try to get busy with him.

Ordinarily, I'd say no.

But for Pluto Nash, I'll do anything.

I appreciate it.

Do you think you could

give us a ride to Moon Beach?

I'll take you to Miami Beach

if that's where you got to go.

I'll be right back.

Check it out.

Lunar Grand Casino dice,

loaded and 100 percent undetectable.

You want a set,

as a personal gift from me?

Thanks, but I'm not really a big gambler.

With those dice, you ain't gambling.

We're not going to gamble.

Thanks, but no, thanks.

If you're not a gambler,

why are you going to Moon Beach?

- I'm going to see an old friend of mine.

- Who's that?

Rex Crater.

Rex Crater is a friend of yours?

Yeah, sure.

Can you comp me a suite

with a sunken living room bathtub...

...and a waterbed

with a mirror on the ceiling?

Yeah, probably.

Damn!

Pluto Nash is down with Rex Crater.

You know what, Felix?

Take these Hillarys.

We appreciate your helping us out.

No, you my man. You don't got to do that.

Take this, you helped us out.

I appreciate it.

I'm all right. I'll tell you what.

- Would you sign my helmet for me?

- Get out of here.

- Come on, give me an autograph.

- Are you serious?

It's not every day I get to hang out

with Pluto Nash.

- Please.

- Okay, I'll sign it.

This is my first autograph.

What do you want me to sign?

"To Felix...

"...my buddy, who stuck with me through

thick and thin, who I'll never forget."

- I just saved your life. Right?

- That's true.

"My buddy, who stuck with me

through thick and thin, and saved my ass.

"Peace and love, Pluto Nash."

What's all that stuff you got

on the rack back there?

That's a new shipment of stuff

I just smuggled in from Puerto Rico.

Is that right?

Top of the line, designer labels.

Why, you need something?

Yeah, we could use some clothes.

Welcome to Moon Beach

and the Lunar Grand Hotel...

...where luck is always on your side.

Welcome to Moon Beach

and the Lunar Grand Hotel...

...where luck is always on your side.

Bruno, lay low for a minute.

Go get a magazine or something.

Meet us over by the elevators.

Hey, good-looking,

how about slipping up to your room...

...and playing with me for awhile? Wait!

Don't you want to do

something exciting tonight?

- No!

- No?

Afraid you might get lucky?

Hello.

Good evening. Checking in?

Actually, we're here to see Tony Francis.

The early show or the late show?

We're old friends. We come to see him

in person. Where's his dressing room?

I can't tell you that, sir.

Really?

Just give us a room

and two tickets to the early show.

All set. Just give me a thumb print

for the charges.

I'll pay in cash.

Cash is always easier.

Mr. Francis' show is black tie.

We have rentals available

from the concierge.

All prettied up for Tony? Absolutely.

Peekaboo, I found you.

Come on, big boy...

...right here in the lobby! Oh, baby!

You sick bastard!

Security!

All set.

Enjoy your stay.

Crazy-ass Tony!

All right. So far, so good.

Come with us.

- What's the problem?

- Is he with you?

He's my old friend from West Virginia.

What's going on?

Nice try.

After you've paid for the damages

to this slot machine, we'll give Earl back.

- Wait a second...

- Here's your claim check.

Pick your robot up when you leave.

Let's go.

Sorry, boss.

You're not a robot, you're an animal!

Line it up!

Yo, baby, you love me?

'Cause I love me, too!

Come here, baby!

I want bottles of champagne

for those people over there...

You ready? Blow!

Yo, Pluto! My man, Pluto Nash!

Pluto Nash, come on!

Come here, Pluto.

I want to show you how to win big time!

Pluto, where are you going? Come on!

They're giving away $1,000 chips!

Come here!

Mr. Belcher, Nash just walked in the lobby.

Nash is alive.

You idiots!

All day, all day!

Watch this, honey!

Want a sip of champagne?

Let's go.

Give me those back.

Get your hands off me

or I'll have you fired.

- You know who I am? Felix Laranga!

- Who?

You never heard of me

because you're stupid.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the undisputed master of the universe...

...Mr. Tony Francis!

What an amazing act.

He's so different, so original.

Yeah.

What makes you so sure he'll help us out?

He'll help us.

He couldn't sing a note if it weren't for me.

You taught Tony Francis how to sing?

No, I convinced a bookie

not to pour some acid down his throat.

Pack your bags,

I'm taking you home with me!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Please welcome the master

of musical disaster...

...Ted Jefferies

and the Ted Jefferies Orchestra.

Hit it, maestro!

There's a guy over there checking faces.

Turn towards me.

Okay, I think that worked.

It worked for me.

You were so wonderful, Tony.

What a great show!

It was a magnificent evening, wasn't it?

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