The Angriest Man in Brooklyn Page #5

Perhaps you would like

to take a look at those viral slides?

Do you have plans for this weekend?

No. Why?

What about-

What about the Friday before?

Uh, why?

Felicity's parents are coming into town,

and it's our anniversary...

so I was wondering

if you could cover for me on Friday!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh!

I just came just now.

That was stupid!

Anybody here know

how to work a video camera?

I used to be a studio executive.

- I know video.

- Really?

You know how to work this kind of camera?

I owned one like it.

You trying to sell it?

No, no. I need you to record me. Here.

Ready to roll, boss.

Tommy, by the time you see this,

I'll be dead.

- Cut!

- What?

How do I turn it on?

Press the f***ing record button!

Check. And action.

Tommy, I'll make this as simple as I can.

I love you. That's my rock bottom.

That's my immutable.

My damned and naked soul.

I loved you

from the moment you were born...

all red and covered in mucousy stuff...

until this moment right now.

They say that love is pure and generous.

It's not.

It's small and selfish.

You know, I wanted you at the office...

because I couldn't envision anything finer

than having you next to me.

Altmann, Altmann and Altmann.

What a dream.

What you wanted, what you dreamed,

I didn't want to hear it.

I was wrong.

I hope you can forgive me.

I pray for your happiness.

Whatever swanning around you wanna do...

you have my love and my blessing.

I'm sorry this only came clear to me

now that I'm dying, but...

that's how life rolls out.

The only people who don't look back

with regret are idiots and psychopaths.

And I got a lifetime of regrets, boy.

Taking that clerkship in Queens?

What a fool

not telling my father to f*** off!

Like the old man would ever love me!

Pushing your mother away.

What a ball-less coward I am.

And then there's your brother.

Why?

Lord, why?

I mean, what kind of God?

What kind of world!

It's a stinking con game!

You grow up being told,

"Wait for the sweets and the roses."

Then they hit you with a pickax in the ear!

Grief, they say you pass through it.

Bullshit!

They say, "Don't get angry.

Let it go. It's killing you."

I say, "F*** that!"

Anger's the only thing they left me!

Anger is my refuge!

It's my shield!

Anger is my birthright!

I got a lot to do.

In 90 minutes?

Less.

Family?

Yeah, family.

So, what, brothers don't count?

I know the last

two years have been tough...

and I didn't deal well with, you know...

and I've been erratic

and often pissed off at things.

But it doesn't mean

I've stopped loving you in my own way.

Family.

Slow, quick, quick, forward, side, close.

Back, side, close, forward, quick, quick.

Slow, quick, quick, slow-

There's a Bette Altmann on the phone.

Hey, Mom, what's up?

Have you seen your father?

About two years ago.

He hates me, remember?

- Oh, he doesn't hate you.

- Well, fooled me.

Tommy, he's sick.

He has a brain aneurysm.

What?

- Where is he?

- I don't know. He-He stormed out of here.

What do you mean

you don't know where he is?

He's not at a hospital?

We're trying to find him.

- Sh*t!

- What?

He called me earlier.

What did he say?

I didn't take the call.

Sh*t.

All right. Listen, sweetie.

If he calls again,

you find out where he is...

and you let me know

as soon as possible, you understand?

Is he gonna be okay?

I don't know. Just call me.

When Henry regained

consciousness, he learned something.

He learned he couldn't

even tell his son he loved him...

without boiling into rage.

Hello?

Hey, Mom.

Look, I am having the worst day of my-

I told you.

I'm not licensed in Wisconsin.

I can't-I can't write prescriptions.

Mom, Mom, Mom, please,

I just need somebody to talk to.

Mom, will you please just-

Okay.

Okay, fine, I'll-

I'll talk to you later.

Then they hit you with a pickax in the ear!

Bullshit!

They say, "Don't get angry.

Let it go. It's killing you." I say-

Wait! Wait!

Ohh!

- Where is he?

- Who?

The man in this video, where is he?

- Who are you?

- I'm a doctor.

You're doing a great job on that guy.

I am not his doctor, okay?

I was just covering for somebody-

You know what?

No, I am his doctor.

I am 100% responsible for this man.

So please just tell me where he is.

He had some kind of episode,

but then he got up, walked off.

Listen, where did he go?

Come on, this is important.

May or may not be important to him.

Certainly ain't important to me.

Uh, cash. I have cash for you.

Does it look like I need money?

Oh, come on!

I have more. I'll go get it.

What kind of doctor doesn't have money?

This ain't Toronto.

Pills. Pills.

I got pills. I have, uh-

I, uh, have O.C., fluff, muff,

whatever you call it.

What?

I know a pill popper

when I see one. Come on.

That's everything.

So it's important to you.

Please.

You know, more than a few people have

survived jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge.

All depends on how you hit the water.

Wait, wait, wait.

He went to the bridge?

Autumn in New York

Why does it seem so inviting?

Autumn in New York

It spells the thrill

of first-nighting

Glittering crowds and

shimmering clouds

In canyons of steel

They're making me feel I'm home

Autumn in New York

Henry!

Henry, stop!

- Oh, f***!

- Ohh.

What?

What are you?

I ask you, what are you?

Are you my thorn?

My nemesis?

Is it necessary for you

to torment me until the very end?

Have you no humility, no humanity...

no f***ing manners?

I just-I just wanna help you.

Now I have to jump.

I'm not even over the water!

- Oh, God!

- Wait. Come back.

- I lied about the 90 minutes!

- I don't have a brain aneurysm?

No! No! Yes! No, you have that!

About the minutes, I lied!

I exaggerated, okay?

You started yelling at me!

You made fun of my cat!

He died!

He jumped out of the window!

What?

You told me

I was gonna die in 90 minutes...

because your cat jumped out a window?

Everybody has a bad day!

Please, this is-this is my bad day!

Bullshit!

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Okay.

I do pills. I do too many pills.

Painkillers, they make me erratic.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Okay, uh, I was having a stupid affair...

with your doctor, Dr. Fielding, okay?

The jerk left early for the weekend...

dumping all of his patients on me!

And I know I wasn't very empathetic.

I am an emotional hedgehog, but-

F***! I wasn't always like this!

Okay? I used to love my patients!

That is why I went into medicine!

Oh, God. No, no, please!

Oh, God.

It all comes down to this.

If you jump...

both of our lives are completely...

irrevocably f***ed!

You gave me 90 minutes.

It's not up yet.

Can I please...

please just take you to the hospital now?

Ninety may not mean much to you,

but it means a lot to me.

It's what? It's meaningless!

It made me stop...

see what I've become.

It's how long you bake a turkey breast!

You're right.

We're both irrevocably f***ed.

No!

No.

Henry!

Oh, sh*t! Ohh.

When Henry Altmann fell from the bridge...

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