The Animal Page #3

You make me laugh.

So soft.

I'll find those men who-

Oh, my.

Watch this, Mange.

The professor is in.

Take out your pen and take notes.

Hey, guys.

Ma'am.

I should give you a ticket

for being too darn cute.

Tell you what.

I'll settle for taking you out

Saturday night.

Maybe another time.

I already have a date.

With Marvin.

Right, Marvin?

Yeah.

I forgot. I'm picking her up at...

...8:
00?

Dinner and a...walk.

I'll see you then.

A walk. I know.

We'll walk to the women's store...

...for a blouse to go with

the metre maid outfit...

...you'll wear for your new job!

Get in the car!

This is the mayor's

annual charity event.

Keep a low profile. Got it?

- Got it.

- How are my teeth?

- Great.

- Good.

That's far enough, sh*t stains. Don't

go near the mayor or his guests.

I'll be a good boy.

And for God's sake,

keep your shirt on.

I'd like to thank everyone

for the success of this fundraiser.

The fire department

will love their new equipment.

Outstanding, Mr. Mayor.

- Hi, Daddy.

- Hi, sweetheart.

Where are you off to?

- Keep an eye on him.

- Yes, sir.

That is one handsome

little fella you got.

Bacon-wrapped shrimp?

Thank you.

I am so sorry, Mr. Mayor.

- Are you that drug-sniffing cop?

- Yes, sir.

It's a fur ball.

This officer's on probation.

He obviously failed.

He's off the force as of now.

Do you hear that?

You all right?

You scared your old man.

Chief...

...this is one fine cop here.

Yes, it is.

Hey, listen up! A toast.

The newest cop on the force, baby!

To Mange!

Go, Aqua Man.

- Nice job.

- Outstanding.

You're all right, man.

Right there.

You really heard that kid drowning?

- Yeah.

- All right.

Then what am I saying now?

You were born with one testicle.

You keep that sh*t to yourself.

I'm worried about

my date with the tree girl.

- I don't know if it'll work.

- Is she a man?

- You met in the men's room.

- No-

I have to tell you guys something.

I got into a terrible car crash.

Some scientist put me

together with animal parts.

Now I can't control my sexual urges.

If you don't want to hang out

because I'm black, tell me.

Yeah.

I hope you like vegetarian.

I love it.

Look at her.

And look at the disaster she's with.

They make it so easy for us.

- Thanks for helping me with Sisk.

- No, it was no problem.

- I wasn't sure if you meant it.

- Of course I did.

So, how are the animals doing

over at the shelter?

I feel bad about the lack of space,

so I've brought some animals home.

- Maybe I'm crazy.

- I don't think so.

I think you're pretty amazing.

- No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.

There's something about you

I can't figure it out.

How is your grilled eggplant?

- Nice, huh?

- Yes, it's lovely. Thank you.

You are the lovely one.

- The bathroom?

- Next to the bar.

Thank you.

Excuse me for a second.

Do you smell that?

It's kind of musty.

Asparagus, next table.

Oh, you have a little...

I'll get it.

That's either the nicest thing

that's happened...

...or the grossest.

- Will you excuse me?

- Of course.

Sorry.

- I ordered us some sorbet.

- Great.

Will you excuse me again, please?

Okay.

There you go.

Oh, thank you.

That's such a beautiful

necklace you have.

Thanks.

Did you get that in ltaly?

- Yes, in Florence.

- I am from Firenze.

Piazza della Signoria?

My family lives there.

Stay with them.

I'll give you my number.

Call me.

I'm gonna have a smoke.

- What happened to that waiter?

- He was done with his shift.

- Thanks for the walk.

- Thanks for dinner. It was great.

So, can I invite you in?

It's a perfect evening,

I'd hate to ruin it by attacking you.

Well, that's honest.

So I guess this is good night.

Good night.

Tomorrow we're releasing Molly,

the turkey vulture.

You should come by.

I wouldn't miss it.

Okay. Good night.

I've never seen anything like it.

There was blood, guts everywhere.

There was nothing left of that cow.

It even ate most of the hooves.

I'm telling you, chief, there's

some kind of a beast out there.

All the other cows are

too afraid to eat or sh*t.

And they ain't got nothing else.

I'll have an officer drive you home.

And all I want you to do

is just take care of your cows.

Okay.

I'll put on a puppet show.

Maybe that'll calm them down.

Can I see you in my office

for a minute?

That was Bob Harris.

A couple of his cows got torn up.

Looks to me like

one of those satanic rituals.

Do you worship the Dark Lord?

No, sir.

Help yourself.

Bob saw a man

running away from the scene.

We made a composite...

...from his description.

Do you recall...

...where you were last night

between midnight and 5 AM?

I was sleeping, sir.

Do you have anyone who can

corroborate that?

No, sir.

Can you explain why that drawing...

...looks like you, Marvin?

I'm gonna ask

you to go on paid leave...

...until we figure this thing out.

I'm also going to have to ask

you to teach me how you do that.

Sorry, Dad.

Is that a beaver dam?

What's happening to you?

Look, you have to go.

You can trust me.

Only an animal would do that.

There must be another explanation.

I know you and you wouldn't hurt

anyone or anything.

It's getting late.

You can't stay here much longer.

I'm not going anywhere.

You're not dangerous.

I'll stay here tonight

to prove it to you.

It's not safe.

At night...

...l lose control.

What are you doing?

I have no idea.

Knock it off.

If you're going to stay here...

- ...at least tie me up.

- What?

Oh, no.

I want you to tie me up.

So that I won't hurt anybody.

My handcuffs.

You looked so uncomfortable.

When did you take them off?

I don't remember.

You wore them for a while, and...

...then I wore them for a while.

You are an animal.

I am?

Awesome.

Marvin, go.

This is Wilson! Last night,

a hunter was attacked!

Mange! We know about the barn!

You got to get out!

- Marvin, get out!

- The freak show's over.

Freeze!

Super-cop Marvin Mange

turned fugitive.

He assaulted a bird hunter...

...and attacked two cows.

The suspect is dangerous...

...and Chief Wilson assembled

a task force of his finest officers.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...our suspect is not human.

He's at home in the bush.

Shoot to kill.

Any questions?

I got a question.

When do we light our torches?

- When it gets dark.

- Ah, I see.

Another question.

Suppose, hypothetically,

a guy had already lit his torch.

I mean, it'd be cool

if he could just keep it lit, huh?

Excellent. Excellent.

- If there's no more questions-

- I got another one!

If one part of the mob gets separated

from another part...

...is there a place to get together?

A secret place?

They could reunite,

and we'd be a big mob again.

Stay with the mob.

Stay with the mob.

I got another question.

Doesn't this guy deserve a fair trial?

You, back of the mob.

What? This is my spot.

I came early.

Okay, out of the mob!

Ah, this mob blows.

Let's go.

Come on, come on!

- What are you doing here?

- Picking apples?

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