The Awful Truth Page #2

every morning...

but you were far too busy

with Armand Duvalle to give it a thought.

It`s enough to destroy one`s faith, isn`t it?

I haven`t any faith left in anyone.

I know just how you feel.

What do you mean?

You didn`t mention in any of your letters

the terrible rainy spell in Florida.

The papers were full of it.

-I can explain that, Lucy.

-You can?

Don`t try to change the subject.

You think a great offense is a great defense.

Don`t try to justify your behavior

by insinuating things about me.

I haven`t any behavior to justify.

I`ve just been unlucky.

You caught me in a truth, and it seems

there`s nothing less logical than the truth.

-A philosopher?

-You don`t believe me.

How can I believe you?

``The car broke down.``

People stopped believing that ages ago.

-His car`s very old.

-So is his story.

-Let me tell you something.

-Let me tell you something.

I told you the truth about all this, Jerry.

Don`t you see?

There can`t be any doubt in marriage.

The whole thing`s built on faith.

If you`ve lost that, you`ve lost everything.

When that`s gone

the marriage is washed up.

-Do you mean that?

-Yes.

-Then that settles it.

-I guess it does.

I wouldn`t go on living with you

if you were dipped in platinum.

So divorce me. It`ll be a pleasure.

You think l`d drag that music lover to court

to show people the man you preferred?

Then l`ll divorce you.

It`s customary for the wife to bring suit.

It has something to do

with the husband being a gentleman.

Just get on with the divorce proceedings.

I can`t wait.

-l`ll call our lawyer right now.

-All right, here.

You don`t mind? I don`t know anyone else.

You get around much more than I do.

Is that so?

Hello?

Hello, Lucy.

What`s that?

Divorce? You and Jerry?

Don`t do anything in haste

you might regret later.

-Marriage is a beautiful thing, and you--

-Can`t she call back after we`ve eaten?

Please be quiet, will you?

You seem agitated, Lucy.

Try and calm yourself.

I`d hate to see you take any hasty action

in a matter like this.

-Marriage is a beautiful thing, and you--

-Finish your meal.

-Why can`t they call you back later?

-Will you shut your mouth?

As I was saying, Lucy,

marriage is a beautiful thing.

When you`ve been married as long as l,

you`ll appreciate it, too.

Your food`s getting ice-cold.

You always complain about your food.

Just shut your big mouth.

I`ll eat when l`m good and ready.

If you don`t like it,

you know what you can do. So shut up!

Marriage is a beautiful thing.

You see? Because you were a naughty dog,

they made you leave the room. Come on.

In the case of Warriner v. Warriner,

the court grants...

an interlocutory decree of divorce

in favor of the plaintiff, Lucy Warriner.

The divorce, without further contesting,

will become final 90 days from this day.

Plaintiff and defendant then have the liberty

to make other marriages, if they so desire.

Your Honor, there`s a matter still unsettled.

-The matter about....

-Mr. Smith.

-Yes, Your Honor, Mr. Smith.

-Who is Mr. Smith?

-Mr. Smith is their dog.

-No, Mr. Smith is my dog.

-ls that so?

-Silence!

But, you see, Mr. Smith belongs to me,

and she has him.

Very well, go ahead.

The animal is in Mrs. Warriner`s possession.

You ordered him from the courtroom

at the beginning, for contempt.

-Mr. Warriner wishes to have him because....

-Because he`s mine!

-He is not.

-He is, too.

-He is not.

-Silence!

Is not.

Mrs. Warriner, step up and tell me

why you regard the dog...

as your personal property, so the court

may decide if he should remain with you.

Nothing would please me more.

Your Honor, I saw Mr. Smith first.

It was in that pet shop on Madison Avenue.

You know it?

-You don`t? It`s between 47th and....

-lt`s frightfully immaterial.

Well, you ought to know.

I decided to buy Mr. Smith...

but I turned away for a moment

to look at a Persian kitten. Do you like cats?

I don`t either. So I turned around again,

and this man had Mr. Smith in his arms.

I said, ``Pardon me, l`m buying this puppy.``

And then he just smiled at me.

Then somehow, suddenly,

the three of us were having lunch...

the man, and Mr. Smith, and l.

And then things happened swiftly...

so I said, ``We`d better get married,``

and we did.

That way we could give Mr. Smith

a better home and live happily ever after.

-Until now.

-I see.

In these custody cases, Mrs. Warriner...

we often allow the final decision

to rest with the party in question.

You mean Mr. Smith?

Send for the dog.

Custody of the dog

will depend on his own desire.

-Mr. Warriner, will you step up here, please?

-Yes, Your Honor.

Unfasten him.

You may each call the dog.

-Mr. Smith, come on, boy.

-Smitty, look up here.

Don`t pay attention. Come on, boy.

Look up here. You know me.

-Smitty, look up here.

-No, don`t!

I win.

Custody of the dog

is awarded to Mrs. Warriner.

Your Honor, that`s not quite fair.

I ought to see the dog twice a month or so.

-l`ll take it under advisement.

-Goodbye.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Your Honor.

-You won`t forget to do that, Judge?

-l`ll take it under advisement.

Yes, but when will you know?

Look at that rain!

-Why, is it doing anything besides falling?

-I don`t think so.

Nothing unusual ever happens around here.

Patsy, l`m sorry you`re so bored tonight.

Why tonight? I`ve been bored for a month.

If l`d known we`d be buried side by side

l`d never have taken this apartment.

I wouldn`t have asked you to come

and live with me if l`d known that...

a sort of readjustment

takes place after divorce.

Readjustment my foot!

That`s just another word for moping around.

Don`t be silly.

Anyhow, where can two women go alone?

You know dozens of men

who`d turn handsprings to take you out.

I`ve got you all dressed up, ready to go out,

and you weaken and refuse.

You`re just an old grouch.

I want to go where there`s life.

And I don`t mean plant life.

I want to go to the theater.

You know, go places later

and step around and do things.

-But you can`t go in all this rain.

-Why not, no taxis?

No escort.

Unless there`s a new ruling,

I don`t need an escort to get a drink.

I`m going down to the bar and see Joe.

Bartender or no bartender, he`s still a man.

-Maybe he knocks off early.

-Patsy, you wouldn`t!

I wouldn`t?

You`re talking to a desperate woman.

Hello, Smitty, come on up, boy.

-lsn`t he cute?

-Too bad he can`t wear a top hat.

Did you hear what she said?

-I wonder if you`d do me a favor?

-Well, of course, that all depends.

Imagine you living right across the hall

from us all of this time.

I think it`s just wonderful

that we`ve met this way.

Lucy, may I present Mr. Leeson?

This is my niece you wanted to meet.

Her name is Lucy Warriner.

How do you do?

-Won`t you sit down?

-Thanks.

Mr. Leeson`s just from Oklahoma, Lucy.

He`s a stranger in town.

He`d take it as real neighborly of us

if we show him some of the bright spots.

He would?

It`s raining awfully hard. I don`t think--

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote