The Awful Truth Page #5

It was nothing at all.

I try to go through life--

I know,

spreading a little sunshine as you go.

No, frankly, I was worried about you.

You`ve never asked for money.

Do you need any?

No, I think I can struggle along

without any help from you.

I thought maybe you made

a bad investment.

-No. I only made one bad investment.

-Don`t bite me.

I thought that maybe Buffalo Bill`s millions

might have something to do--

Nothing to do with anything.

Millions or no millions,

he`s a very charming person.

I`ve seen him.

I can`t possibly interpret this as jealousy.

No.

I`ve come out from behind those clouds.

I`ve taken a definite turn for the better.

Nothing`s going to hurt me anymore.

That`s too bad, Jerry.

-Did it hurt you much?

-No.

-Just the one hand?

-Just the one hand.

I`ll be going.

I always like to leave people laughing.

Is there anything I can get you for it?

No, l`m a stout fellow, l`ll carry on.

-Where`s Mr. Smith?

-Out with Aunt Patsy.

Tell me something before I go, will you?

-What do you see in this fellow?

-None of your business.

Not that I care, but what kind of a line

could he have that would impress you?

You might be surprised. You could take

a few lessons and profit nicely.

You`d be surprised what l`d give

to get an earful of that.

-You would.

-I couldn`t wait to see you.

I had to tell you

how awful I feel about what happened.

You`ll have to forgive Ma.

She`s kind of old-fashioned.

-l`ll forgive her.

-You won`t hold it against her?

No. Now you go and dress for dinner.

We`ll be very late.

I`m a lot quicker than you are.

Just to prove that you`re not mad,

will you give me a little kiss?

-Right here in the hall? Don`t be silly.

-There`s nobody around.

-You never can tell if someone`s around.

-l`ll come in.

Don`t come in. We`ll be awfully late.

-Don`t be bashful.

-l`m not bashful.

I`ve never kissed you before.

And I don`t think this is exactly the place.

If you knew how crazy I am about you,

you wouldn`t hesitate. I can`t sleep nights.

-Try drinking some hot milk.

-I must be in love...

-because I started writing poetry to you.

-Poetry.

I was going to surprise you with it at dinner,

but it`s short. It goes like this:.

``To you, my little prairie flower

l`m thinking of you every hour

``Though now you`re just a friend to me

I wonder what the end will be``

Excuse me, Dan,

I do laugh at the oddest times.

You see what I mean?

``Oh, you would make my life divine

``if you would change your name to mine``

That`s really....

That`s beautiful, Dan.

It`s really beautiful. There`s my phone.

You`ve got to go now, really.

-Hello.

-Comment a va, madame?

-You haven`t forgotten about tomorrow?

-Look, I have company.

All right, wait a minute, hold the phone.

There, now go on, Dan, l`ll see you later.

Lucy, you`ve made me

the happiest man in the world.

Dreamed of this moment for days,

now it`s all come true.

Dan, really!

I`ll go home now and dress for dinner.

I`m so happy I could eat three steaks.

Hello?

Telephone.

Hello?

Can I expect you tomorrow?

At 3:
.00 tomorrow afternoon?

I think that would be convenient.

Very well then, 3:.00 tomorrow afternoon.

Goodbye.

-Who was that?

-Why should it interest you?

Wait a minute, after all,

the final decree isn`t in yet.

-lf you must know, it was my masseuse.

-My who?

I`ve heard everything. I`m going out

to get some popcorn and pink lemonade.

I`ve just seen a three-ring circus.

Armand Duvalle in?

-Please, your name?

-Jerry Warriner. Is my wife here?

I do not know.

What do you mean you don`t know?

-I only know I don`t know.

-You wouldn`t mind if I look around.

Me, jujitsu.

-Me, jujitsu.

-ls that so?

Me, jujitsu, too.

You must not go in.

You must not disturb him.

I can`t go in, he must not be disturbed.

You should have seen your master

this afternoon.

Come on, sit up, boy.

No, better still, I tell you...

go hide your eyes

and l`ll give it to you that way.

Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five.

No peeking.

Five, ten, fifteen, twenty,

twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five. You ready?

All right, then, come on.

You`re too smart.

Honestly, Patsy,

you should have seen Jerry this afternoon.

And when that chair

started to slip from under him.

-I will say that for Jerry, he`s never dull.

-He was so silly, though.

I know he thought he`d find me

in Armand`s arms.

He must have been terribly disappointed.

He must have felt awful

about not finding you two in a clinch.

Jerry`s always had the most fantastic way

of getting into scrapes.

We`ve had some grand laughs together.

But a girl really wants

dependability and security.

Yes, I suppose she does.

Then she ought to buy an annuity.

Be more fun than Leeson.

Don`t explain. I`m not marrying him.

That`s what I wanted to tell you.

I`m not either.

I can`t marry him because l`m still in love

with that crazy lunatic.

And there`s nothing I can do about it.

Patsy, here and there, now and then...

-l`ve done a few things for you, haven`t l?

-Yes.

Here`s a note that l`ve written to Dan

explaining exactly why I can`t marry him.

I could never phrase anything in person

as beautifully as I have in this note.

But now l`ve lost my nerve

about giving it to him.

-Could you sort of see that he gets it?

-I should say so.

Well, I tried to forget Jerry.

I know.

That`s why you jumped at Leeson

as if he were the last man on earth.

I`ll answer that.

Every time I open the door

somebody walks in.

-How do you do?

-How do you do?

-Hello, Armand.

-You sent for me, madam.

Yes, l`ve been so embarrassed

about what happened...

in front of your guests

I couldn`t get out of there soon enough.

Your husband is a very funny man, isn`t he?

I`m convinced he must care about me

or he wouldn`t do those funny things.

Yes, but he doesn`t care much about me.

No, Armand, that`s just what l`m getting at.

-l`m wondering, could you do me a favor?

-But of course.

I`ve been thinking...

I wonder if you could convince him...

that everything was just as I said it was

that night at the inn.

I`d be glad to.

But does he carry a gun?

You`re not afraid of him?

-Of course not, but--

-Will you do it for me? As soon as possible?

Yes.

And, by all means, he mustn`t know

that I had anything to do with it.

-No.

-As soon as possible.

Mr. Smith! How are you?

-But this is much too soon.

-lsn`t it?

-Much too soon.

-What can I do?

-You can`t keep standing here.

-I know, but where can I go?

-Look, out here.

-No.

Look, in the bedroom. Hurry up.

-Hiya, fellow.

-Hello, Jerry.

-Hello, Patsy. How have you been?

-Fine.

You knew it was me, didn`t you?

Sure you did.

You remembered me, didn`t you?

Sure, you bet.

Get away.

-Hello, Jerry.

-Hello, Lucy.

-I suppose you know why I dropped in.

-No, I don`t exactly.

As a matter of fact, I came to apologize for

my behavior today in Duvalle`s apartment...

-studio, or whatever he calls his joint.

-Oh, that?

I certainly acted like a prize lunatic,

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote