The Awful Truth Page #7

Well, it took you long enough.

Have you decided who the woman is?

Isn`t that funny,

I knew you were going to ask me that.

-So did l.

-Quiet.

It`s very simple, dear. It`s my sister.

Your sister?

How are you going to get out of that?

She just got back from Paris,

dropped in to see me.

Jerry, you`re slipping.

I`d love to meet your sister.

Why don`t you bring her along tonight?

She can`t come this evening.

She has a previous engagement.

She wants me to come over?

Naturally she`s anxious

to meet you, too, but....

Yes, tell her l`d love to meet her.

Tell her to wear boxing gloves.

She said she`ll break her engagement

and come over later.

-But I strongly doubt that....

-Yes, I doubt it.

Dear, l`ll do my best to fix it up

so the two of you meet very soon.

-Yes. Goodbye.

-That`d be lovely.

I`m in a fine fix.

She wants to meet my sister.

-You`re a big help.

-You know me. Anything I can do....

-What? To break it up?

-I see what you mean.

I`m in a fine mess.

Yes, hello? I did it again.

What does she do? Call every five minutes?

-You shouldn`t take that from anybody.

-Hello, Barbara.

Put your foot down....

-I told you she couldn`t make it this evening.

-She can`t get away with it.

There`s no reason to call me

every five minutes about it, is there?

No. Well, all right.

-Good evening, Mr. Warriner.

-Good evening.

-Hello, Barbara.

-Hello.

Good evening, Mrs. Vance.

-Hello, Mr. Vance.

-Jerry.

Where`s your sister?

She was terribly sorry

she couldn`t be here tonight.

She didn`t weather the boat trip well.

When I left, she was calling the doctor.

You can imagine my surprise

when a woman answered the phone.

You can`t blame me for being suspicious.

Barbara, you can`t have a happy married life

if you`re always suspicious.

There can`t be doubts in marriage.

Marriage is based on faith.

If you lose that, you`ve lost everything.

Very well said, Jerry.

Yes, wasn`t it?

I think I read it in a book or something.

I was just thinking,

will your sister be here for the wedding?

-I doubt that very much, Mrs. Vance.

-Maybe I should ask her to be a bridesmaid.

I think she`s sailing back to Paris

almost immediately.

She said she`ll try

to see you before she goes.

You`d like my sister. She`s your type.

-Where did she go to school?

-Excuse me?

-I said, where did she go to school?

-ln Switzerland.

-You say your father was a Princeton man?

-That`s right, sir. Class of `92.

He tells some funny stories

about the place in those days.

He tells one in particular

about a football game.

It seems Yale was playing

Princeton one day...

and with the ball

on Princeton`s two yard line, Yale fumbled.

A minute to go, Dad picked up the ball,

and ran....

Miss Lola Warriner.

Hello, brother dear. I made it.

What did you say, dear?

-I just asked how you were feeling.

-l`m feeling fine. And you?

Mrs. Vance, may I present my sister, Lola.

How do you do?

-lt`s lovely to know you.

-Thank you.

-Won`t you come in?

-Thank you.

-Barbara, this is Lola.

-How do you do?

It`s nice to be able to meet you.

I`ve seen your pictures,

and wondered how you look.

-I wondered about you, too.

-Well, thank you.

-Lola?

-Yes, dear?

This is Barbara`s father, Mr. Vance.

-Mr. Vance, my sister.

-How do you do?

What`s the matter?

Nothing, only I never would have known you

from his description.

-Won`t you sit down?

-Thank you.

Did I interrupt something?

Weren`t you talking when I came in for....

Would you excuse me, Mrs. Vance?

My handkerchief.

Thank you.

It`s me. Isn`t that silly?

It`s you this time, Mrs. Vance.

Look, l`ll just put it over here,

and get it out of the way.

Dear!

I guess that could go on and on and on.

I hope not.

Go on with your story, honey.

Yes, I was telling a story about my,

about our father.

Oh, you were?

I don`t want to be rude,

but may I have a drink?

I had three or four before I came, but

they`re wearing off, you know how that is.

Don`t look at me like that.

You like a little drink yourself.

We call him Jerry the Nipper.

Likes to sneak it when nobody`s looking.

So cute about it, too.

I`ve seen him go an evening,

apparently having nothing to drink...

and all of a sudden, fall flat on his puss.

A glass of sherry, perhaps?

Will you get Miss Warriner

a glass of sherry?

A glass of sherry? Excuse me.

I don`t like sherry.

-Would you make that ginger ale please?

-Ginger ale?

I`m sorry to interrupt you again, Jerry.

Now, what were you saying?

I was just telling one of Father`s stories.

You`ve heard it.

With a minute to go, Dad had the ball--

-A ball? What ball?

-The football.

What in the world was Dad ever doing

with a football?

I was just telling a story about when Father

was at Princeton. You remember--

Oh, yes, of course I remember.

Pop loved Princeton.

He was there nearly 20 years.

If ever a man loved a place, he did.

He just adored it.

And he certainly kept it looking beautiful.

You`ve seen the grounds, of course.

Of course?

-Thank you.

-l`m afraid l`m--

So sorry!

-Here`s your handkerchief.

-Thank you.

I`m afraid that my sister

has a somewhat distorted sense of humor.

So have l.

What she meant was,

Father presented the college...

with some of its finest landscapings.

Excuse me. Was I thirsty!

It must have been that ham I had for dinner.

-I think my brother`s pretty swell, don`t you?

-Oh, yes.

He`s always been pretty swell to me.

I was working my head off

at the Virginia Club.

But the minute he started doing better,

you know what I mean...

why, he made me give up my job

and take a trip to London and Paris...

and.... I think that was pretty swell,

don`t you?

What did you do at the Virginia Club?

-You see--

-l`ll tell her!

It was a little act, kind of....

Well, it`s a little hard to explain.

-Have you got any records?

-Records?

-Yes. We have some records.

-Well, maybe if we....

Say, wait a minute!

Don`t anybody leave this room.

I`ve lost my purse.

-Why, here it is.

-Well, am I relieved.

Where are the records?

Come this way and l`ll show you.

Look, will you keep an eye on that for me?

Here`s my song.

Would you like to have me do it for you?

-Well, no, I don`t--

-Okay.

You`ll have to put that on.

It`s a little fancy for me.

The one we`ve got at home, you just wind.

I wouldn`t, if I were you.

I won`t do it the way I did at the club...

if that`s what you`re afraid of.

You think l`m a fool?

The number has some wind effects...

but you`ll just have to use

your own imagination about them.

Get it?

I never could do that.

Are we going so soon?

I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

Good night. Good night, all.

-Where are you going?

-l`m going to Patsy`s cabin.

-You`re not in any condition to drive.

-I can make it in two minutes on two wheels.

That`s what you think.

-Get over.

-This is my car. I want to drive my car.

-Over.

-No.

-I wish you`d stayed in there.

-That`s right.

Would you mind shutting that off,

or at least turning it down?

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