The Babysitter Page #3

-Oh, you're in denial.

-You're an... a**hole.

[laughing]

Oh, my God. That was so great.

But you'll be all right

if your parents break up.

I mean...

you just gotta take care of yourself.

Gotta figure out what you want,

and then do what you can to get it.

[Cole sighs]

[both chuckle]

Ah, sh*t, dude, it's super late.

-I'm not tired.

-Well, I know you're not. I am.

[snaps fingers]

If I give you a shot, will you go to bed?

-I don't know, maybe.

-I'll make it a double.

-You'll sleep like a rock.

-Okay.

Here you are, my good sir.

Don't say a word of this to your parents.

My dad lets me drink Mike's all the time.

Dude, that is the coolest thing

I've ever heard in my life.

You're not gonna do it with me?

All right, sure. I'll be right back.

[coughing]

You did it without me?

Cheers.

Whew.

-[Melanie on phone] She's getting laid.

-[chuckles]

-I'm gonna find out.

-Wow, I'm impressed.

That's actually pervy, though,

watching people do it.

I'm not a perv. I just wanna know

what happens after I go to sleep.

I gotta go.

[phone beeps]

-No.

-[footsteps approaching]

[knock on door]

Enter.

You sleepy?

Yeah, I'm really tired.

Well, rest up.

The party continues tomorrow.

You need anything? All right.

-Bee?

-Yeah?

Thanks for knowing me

and treating me like I was okay.

You don't think you're okay?

I mean...

I wanna feel normal, but...

I just feel weird most of the time.

Well, I like weird.

All of the time.

So, just imagine how all the girls

are gonna love you when you're a senior.

[sniffles]

See you in the morning.

Good night, dude.

[doorbell rings]

[people chattering nearby]

Ew. Orgy?

Orgy?

[woman moaning on phone]

[indistinct chattering]

[man] Spin it.

[Allison] Whoo!

-[Max] Yeah!

-[John] We lit. We lit.

Truth me.

Out of everybody here,

who would you want to sleep with the most?

-Sonya.

-[Allison] Ooh, yeah.

[laughing]

Hundred percent.

-Come on.

-Sam, you're a close second, stud.

-[John] Damn.

-Okay. My turn.

[Max grunts]

-[Allison] Yo, people.

-[John] To this bad girl.

Bee, truth or dare.

Dare.

[all shout]

-I dare you to kiss everyone here.

-[Allison chuckles]

-Yes.

-[Allison] Ooh, yeah.

-[John] She got balls.

-[Sonya] I need to watch.

[Sonya chuckling]

All right.

-That's what I'm talking about.

-[Sonya] I'm excited for that.

-[Max] That's all I'm looking for.

-[Allison] Hold on.

[John] Let's go.

I'm ready.

Everybody loves the sunshine

[in deep voice] I know it was you, Fredo.

I know it was you.

[all laughing]

-Thank you.

-Is that Lord of the Rings?

That was The Godfather Part II.

I love her.

[all laughing]

-[Bee] All right, this is easy. Come on.

-[Max] That was pretty good.

[Bow Wow Wow's "I Want Candy" playing]

[Max] Oh, okay.

[John] Y'all rehearsed this.

Go to see him when the sun goes down

Ain't no finer boy in town

You're my guy

What the doctor ordered

So sweet you make my mouth water

I want candy

I want candy

Yeah!

I want candy

I want candy

I want candy

[pants] Wait, just give me--

Give me a second to process that sh*t.

-[John] You raised by Rick James?

-I'm thinking a redo.

-That's amazing.

-[laughing]

Make sure it's real nice and long for you,

because I'm black. See that?

There you go. Mm.

-[Bee giggles]

-F***, yeah.

Come on.

[Allison laughing]

-Whoo!

-[Sonya] Yeah!

[John] Oh, Bee!

-[all laughing]

-[John groans]

Bee, what the hell?

You give her that romantic sh*t,

and you're gonna lick my face?

Damn, that's all I'm asking.

-[Bee] All right.

-[John] Freaky sh*t.

Smell good. The spit is nice.

Brushed your teeth this morning.

[Max laughing] Okay.

-[John] Weird.

-[Bee] Hi.

-[John howling]

-[Allison laughing] Yeah!

[Max cat-calling] Sammy's turn.

-[John laughing]

-[Max chanting] Sammy.

-[Allison] She's so hot.

-[John] Okay.

[Max] Come on, Sam. You got this.

Make out with her.

[Sam] I'm sorry.

This is kind of weird.

I don't even really know you guys.

[Max] Come on, Sam.

Freak you out, there, stud?

-Sam, don't be a puss.

-[Sam] I don't even know you guys.

[Sam] I'm not. I'm-- I just--

-You're staring at me.

-[Max] Oh, we're not looking.

[Allison] Hey, it's not weird.

-[Bee] Hey.

-[John] Yeah.

Just close your eyes.

Okay?

Pretend they're not even here.

You can do this.

You got this.

[hushes]

Just because I close my eyes

doesn't mean that they're not here.

Do you trust me?

Yes.

Just relax.

It's not weird, okay?

We're just having fun.

[John howls]

There he goes.

[John chuckles]

[screaming]

Shh.

You're helping fulfill a great purpose.

Know this.

I don't wanna fulfill a great porpoise.

[grunts] Did he just say "porpoise"?

Yo, I think he did.

He didn't even get a chance

to understand.

[panting]

Ready?

-[Sonya] Ready.

-Yep.

-[John grunts] Oh, okay.

-[exhales]

[John] That sh*t leaking.

Wait, hold on. My sh*t ain't working.

I think it ran out of blood.

-Oh, sh*t!

-Oh, sh*t.

[John yells] Oh, sh*t!

[Max]

All that blood was just in his boner.

Max, don't laugh, okay?

John, relax. This blood is serving you.

I did not sign up for this sh*t

to serve me in my mouth.

This sh*t's still warm.

I think he got a fever.

You know what you signed up for.

You want to go platinum, John?

Things can get messy

when you make a deal with the devil.

Now collect it.

-[John] Like this?

-[Bee] There you go.

[Allison] How long is this gonna take?

I just want my sh*t to come true.

[Bee]

Allison, you'll all get what you want.

Okay, let's go.

[John] I don't think this is funny.

Look at my outfit.

I just got this sh*t, you feel me?

Thirty percent off.

Macy's. Top rack. I don't play games.

You look like Carrie,

-but black.

-Carrie would've been better black.

She would have been covered in Hennessy,

all right?

What are you wearing?

Looking like Big Bird's side b*tch.

I just came from a game.

That's why I'm wearing this, obviously.

I was not gonna miss this.

Look at this sh*t.

That would go viral so hard.

I mean, nobody's done human sacrifice.

People have always done human sacrifice.

Yeah, but, like...

not in America with hot people.

Sonya, get the cases.

Listen,

when you're done being totally useless,

get a rag and wipe Sacrifice Samuel

out my damn eye. OMG.

Hey.

Nice one, John.

[gasps] Oh, my God.

I've got Sacrifice Samuel all over me.

What's in the box?

Yo, so, Bee, why do you need the book

if you already know what to do?

It's like Jesus asking directions

to heaven.

Just f***ing go up, you know?

Well, the Jews have their scrolls,

Christians have their Bibles,

and the devil has his verses.

Don't touch it.

It's very old and very delicate.

It's the only one.

You recite the verse

while the blood hits the page.

Without it, none of this happens.

Let's get started before we head upstairs

and get the blood of the innocent.

[gasps]

[woman]

911, what's your emergency?

My name is Cole Johnson.

A guy was murdered in my living room.

The address is, uh... 2455 Bigby Drive.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes