The Bachelors Page #2

It will boost the levels

of serotonin in your brain.

And it's likely that you'll feel

a little bit better by

the next time we meet.

Are you comfortable with that?

- If you think it'll help.

- You hungry, sweetie?

I can fix you a plate.

- You better get

it while you can.

When it comes to your

mom's macaroni salad

I wait for no man or boy.

- So Mom tell us

why of all the things

you could have done

on your birthday

you chose something

as boring as a picnic.

- Because a boring picnic

let's me have my two favorite

people in the whole wide

world all to myself.

Just being me here makes me feel

so very, very very happy.

- Here it comes.

Another Jeanie Palet spontaneous

outburst of affection.

- I just can't help it.

- Okay okay,

make it stop please.

- You hungry, sweetie?

I can fix you a plate.

Okay you ready?

Rules for Wes, part

two, number one.

You will remember that

among life's many joys

it can also be very

hard but just know

it has nothing at

all to do with you.

You, Wes are a

bright shining star.

I'm sorry, can we just stop?

I just love you so much.

Don't ever forget that.

- You guys hear about

Taber's party this weekend?

- Please, it's an

exercise in futility.

I just want to touch

a girl, like this.

- Stop that immediately.

- You know what you

really need, Goob?

You need a girl

you can look up to.

- Oh, speaking of which,

how's it going with Lacy?

- Dude I swear if

you transfer in

from North San Fran-wherever

and bag Lacy Westman

I'm gonna be so pissed.

- Yeah I really don't think

you need to worry about that.

- Dude, you're her tutor.

You're an authority figure.

Chicks love that.

- Think that may be your

fantasy Raf not hers.

- Seriously though,

what's the deal?

- I don't know man,

there is no deal.

I mean as far as I can

tell she hates my guts.

- Yeah man,

welcome to my world.

- You know, it's funny,

you French are supposed

to be so picky about your coffee

but I see you sucking down a

lot of Folgers here, young lady.

- Well, we have to

make do don't we?

- Listen, I got some

primo box seats

for the LA Clips Friday night.

What do you say you an me go out

we get a couple of cadillac--

- Listen I'm very sorry

but I have to discuss

a student right now so

perhaps we can speak later.

Thank you.

Excuse me?

Sorry I know we

haven't officially met,

but if you could

pretend to talk to me

for a minute I would

very much appreciate it.

- Okay.

- I'm Carine Oselle.

- Hi, Bill Palet.

- You know, I don't know if

you have that expression,

but in France sometimes we say

better a stranger

than someone you know.

- Oh yeah, I think our

expression is anyone but him.

- Your son is in

my class, French.

- Yes.

- He's very advanced.

- Well Wes's mother was fluent.

- Was she French?

- No.

Michigander actually but

when she was a little girl

she heard that French

was a romance language.

And she thought

if she learned it

her life would be romantic.

- Nice, and was it?

- I guess it was yes.

- Darwinism is so depressing.

If you just so happen to be born

with the traits

girls deem desirable

then your chin deep in the booty

but if not then your

left out on the fringe

hoping that one of the alpha

males falls off a cliff

or gets eaten by a saber

tooth or some sh*t.

- Don't forget about being rich.

- That's very true,

instant short cut no doubt.

You know what screw this.

I'm going home so I can study,

get into a good college, get

a good job, and get rich.

It's my only hope at this point.

See you later, masturbator.

- Later.

- Okay that should be...

- Should this be...

Please leave.

- Look I don't want--

- Just wait outside.

- She's

in trouble, isn't she?

- What do you mean?

- For failing French.

- She's not gonna fail.

- You're Wes.

- You're?

- Annabelle.

- There's a girl at my old

school named Annabelle.

We called her Banana Bell.

- That's what Lacy calls me.

- Can I call you that?

- No.

- Why not?

- Because it's a privilege

you haven't earned.

- No one really makes friendly

conversation in

this house do they?

- That means you can go back in.

- Promise me you

won't tell anybody.

- Okay.

- No I need to hear you promise.

- Promise.

- Yo Palet, you

realize it's been like

three weeks since

you last upchucked.

- Oh look at Wes,

growing up so fast.

- Wes, can I talk to

you for a moment?

Hi, I just wanted to ask how

things are going with Lacy.

- They're fine.

- Do you think it's helping?

- Truth is Mrs. Oselle,

I really don't know.

She doesn't say much.

- I see.

Just wanted to check in.

Thank you, Wes.

Mrs. Westman, may

I speak with you?

How are you?

- Fine.

- Working with

Wes, is it helpful?

- Yeah.

- Good.

You know, Lacy, in a lot of ways

you remind me of me

when I was your age.

I think we should stick together

with all these crazy boys

running around right?

So tell me.

How are you?

Really.

Come here.

- I'm sorry.

- No no no, don't apologize.

It's good to cry.

Much better than keeping

all that crap inside, right?

What time you have

to be back to school?

2:
15.

- That's good.

That gives us a little time if,

if you'd like to talk a bit.

- Why are you doing this?

- Because I like you and

because I think maybe

you don't have

anyone else to tell.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Just doing some prep work.

There's too much

shade in the back so

plant the garden here, put

in some lettuce and beans.

- You okay, Dad?

- Yeah.

I don't know, maybe a little

out of it I guess.

Should probably tell the

doc these happy pills

are more like spacey pills.

What a drag your old man is,

huh?

Even on drugs, I'm no fun.

- Look, I really don't need you

to be Mr. Smiley

Face all the time.

- Be nice to get a break from

Mr. Droopy though, wouldn't it?

Tomatoes, lots of

tomatoes, of course.

- Right.

Well Mommatoes technically.

- Still the only

person I've ever known

that eats them like apples.

- Right.

Remember in sixth grade

I got in that fight

'cause someone called

her Hottie Tomatie.

- Yeah, you stuck up for her.

- Yeah.

- She'd be proud of you, Wes.

Making the adjustment to

a whole new everything.

- So exactly how much of

this are you digging up?

- I was thinking all of it.

- All of it, okay.

Well let's get to it then,

right?

- Feel free.

- What?

- Did you say something

to Mrs. Rousou about me?

- No.

Well she did ask about you?

- What'd she say?

- She asked how all

of this was going.

- What'd you say?

- I said I don't know.

- Why would you say that?

- 'Cause I don't, I guess.

You mad?

- Why would I me mad?

- I don't know.

Some people really

don't need a reason.

She say something to you?

- Maybe.

- You know,

whenever I talk to you

it kind of feels like

I'm on some dumb cop show

and you're like

the surly suspect

who doesn't want to

give up any information.

- She was just being really

nice and I was wondering

if you had said something

about what you saw.

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