The Bad News Bears Page #2

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

Cut it out!

Now, guys, somebody's

gonna pay for this windshield.

And I think, Engelberg,

it's gonna be your father.

Bullshit.

Come on, babe. We were

supposed to be here by 7:30.

- It looks like a baseball field.

- They did a nice job, didn't they?

I had them

leave off the anchovies...

because I didn't know whether

to use them as bats or the baseline.

Besides, most people don't like

the taste of anchovies.

- I don't like them.

- You see?

Carol, where is Frank?

Is he still practicing?

You got to keep after him.

You all look terrific.

Everybody be patient.

Pizza's on very soon.

Jill, I'm getting ready

for the slide show.

- Glad you could make it.

- I wouldn't miss it for the world.

We have one of these every year. It

gets things off on a friendly note.

After the start of the season, we

all don't always get along so well.

How are the uniforms

coming along?

What?

The uniforms.

Your team uniforms.

Buttermaker,

you better get on the ball.

The best colors have been taken:

Green and white, blue and white...

red and white, maroon and white,

white and maroon.

Uniforms?

Hey, Whitewood.

What's this crap about uniforms?

What do you mean crap?

I've been meaning to ask...

You're paying me to coach.

You told me I'd be coaching kids

just a couple of hours a day.

I've got a lot of pools to clean.

I can't be out looking for uniforms.

Will you be quiet

for a minute?

You've been hired

as a manager, right?

One of the responsibilities

of being a manager...

is to get a sponsor

and to get uniforms.

- You didn't tell me that.

- I'm telling you now.

It's easy. You go to different

businesses and talk to the guys.

They all like baseball.

How could you possibly

strike out Ted Williams?

I had a mother of a screwball.

He means Ted Williams

was a major leaguer.

You told us you never

got past the minors.

It was spring training, Vero Beach.

Struck him out a couple of times.

You're not supposed to have

open liquor in the car.

- It's against the law.

- So is murder, Engelberg.

Now put that back before

you get me into real trouble.

If you were so great, how come you

never made it to the major leagues?

Contract disputes.

- When are we gonna get uniforms?

- I'm working on it.

Ahmad, even Hank Aaron peels the

old eyelids before he takes a swing.

Maybe I should

try left-handed.

No. Not just yet.

When are we going

to get our uniforms?

I'm working on it.

The other kids got their uniforms.

When are we gonna get ours?

You worry about your hitting.

Let me worry about the uniforms.

- My hat fell in.

- Dummy.

Oh, God. You too?

- How's the vacuuming coming, Toby?

- Not enough suction.

Just move it back and forth.

It'll come.

When we're through,

can we go swimming?

Don't jump in, Engelberg.

You'll flood the valley.

How's it going, Ogilvie?

There's not enough pressure,

but I'm adjusting the intake valve.

- Got a hell of a future in pools.

- Where you been, you crud?

I've been out getting what

you creeps have been bitching for...

Uniforms.

Best pitch I ever taught her

was the curveball.

How could you teach a 9-year-old

girl to throw a curveball?

Not only a curveball, but the most

tantalizing knuckler...

you ever saw in your life.

This thing was

a thing of beauty.

It came to the plate

and disappeared.

It was like a ball

of melted ice cream.

- Here.

- Thank you, Luppus.

- Lupus.

- Lupus. Sorry.

That's superb.

Thank you very much.

Tell us about the time you

struck out Ted Williams again.

Ted Williams, 1947,

Vero Beach, Florida...

spring training,

around March 15th.

Score was tied nothing to nothing.

It was the top of the ninth.

No. It was the bottom

of the ninth.

Bases were loaded.

There was old Ted

coming up to the plate...

swinging a menacing bat.

"Strike one. '"

- What's the matter?

- Let's keep playing.

- He might be hurt.

- I think he's dead.

He's not dead!

He's drunk!

Look at him.

Had enough beer.

- What a mess.

- A lot of smoking too.

What do we do?

Nothing. He ain't any good

to us sober either.

Opening day's tomorrow. We don't

know what the batting order is.

We don't even have

our positions set or anything.

All we got is a cruddy "alky"

for a manager.

Come on, Red.

Let's straighten your hat.

Engelberg, how about buttoning the

buttons on your uniform, will you?

I been trying all morning.

It's too small.

Well, come on.

Look neater, you know.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I want to welcome you here...

to the opening game

of the season...

out here with your children

in the American spirit.

What I want is to see

every boy in America...

out on the baseball field

playing the great game of baseball.

Thank you.

Well, this is the moment

we've been waiting for.

It's opening day.

I'd like to call your attention

to our new scoreboard...

named in memory of Tommy Martin,

who played in our league.

Look out! Get back!

Get off the field!

All right, come here.

That's far enough.

- You little punk, you just...

- Cool it!

What did you think you

were doing, you little punk?

I'll deck that kid!

You'll have to get rid of the bike.

What was I...

Oh, yes.

The new scoreboard

in memory of Tommy...

Tommy Martin, and, well...

After the taking

of the team pictures today...

parents and friends

are encouraged to stay...

for the game between

the Bears and Yankees.

Come on, Indians, line up.

A second game will begin

at 3:
00 this afternoon.

We urge you to return

at that time...

to see the Athletics

against the Mets.

Mr. Buttermaker,

they're taking the team pictures!

I want you to look like champions

because you're gonna be champions.

Stand up straight

and look at them.

That's it, boys.

You got that champion

look about you.

Come on, Buttermaker!

Quick!

- He's gonna take the picture!

- Can't you wait?

- My uniform's too small.

- Shut up.

Take the picture!

Okay, boys, come on.

Straighten up. Big grins.

That's perfect.

Thank you.

What so proudly we hailed

At the twilight's last gleaming

And the rockets'red glare

The bombs bursting in air

Gave proof through the night

That our flag was still there

Oh say does that star-spangled

banner yet wave

O'er the land of the free

And the home of the brave

Play ball! Batter up!

First in the Yankee lineup today...

Andy Berger, number seven,

center field.

Come on, baby!

Take two of them!

You got to tag him, dummy!

What are you doing?

Joey Turner,

number two, pitcher.

Here we go.

Let's go, Joey!

Let's go, Joey!

Hey, left fielder!

Throw it in!

Come on in, Joey!

Don Jacobsen, second base.

I got a bead on it!

- Where's our shortstop?

- Aren't you the shortstop?

Was that an error?

It's an error on the throw,

but no error on the infielder...

'cause he wasn't there.

Time!

And a time-out is called

by the Bears'manager.

Tanner.

You okay?

Look, you crud,

just get back to your beer.

Get going.

Get out of here.

Atta boy, Bobby!

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