The Bad News Bears Page #5

right between your eyes.

- Twelve ballet lessons.

- Nine ballet lessons.

They're $3.00 a shot,

for crying out loud.

Twelve ballet lessons or no go.

I just lit that cigar.

That's terrible.

- Make it nine ballet lessons...

- I want the imported kind of jeans.

- Jeans?

- Yes.

- I'm not getting you any jeans.

- French jeans.

Do you know how many pools

I gotta clean to get imported jeans?

- What's wrong with American?

- I don't like them.

Who do you think you are,

Catfish Hunter?

Who's he?

Boys, I'd like you to meet

your new pitcher...

Amanda Whurlizer.

Jews, spics, n*ggers,

and now a girl?

Grab a bat, punk.

Jimmy Feldman,

Toby Whitewood.

Sixth. No, you're seventh.

Tanner...

First up for the Mets,

Roy Close...

number seven, left field.

Come on, Amanda.

Right through him!

Strike three!

You're out!

Now batting for the Mets,

David Delmardo.

What's she doing

now with the...

Ah, that's the...

That's the spitter.

Wets her fingers, you see...

and then she appears to dry them

on the peak of her cap...

but she's not really drying them

'cause she has Vaseline under there.

Strike three!

Strike three!

You're out!

When we get out to the field, take

it easy on the first few batters.

I want to see how

our infield handles balls.

Carl Paranski, number six...

The cool, calm Paranski shift!

You're holding up the game.

Let's get back in the box.

Forget it, Miguel.

Strike three!

Come on, guys!

Pay attention!

They can't win

if they don't score!

Nice work, Engelberg.

Good game.

Nice going, Tanner.

You looked beautiful.

Who do we appreciate? Bears!

Good stuff. Beautiful.

Toby, Jose, Timmy.

Lupus, you spaz! We would've won

if it weren't for you!

- Leave him alone.

- Will you cut that out?

Let's not have any shoving around.

Now cut that out!

Move over.

All I know is, when we win a game,

it's a team win.

When we lose a game,

it's a team loss.

Now, on Friday,

we play the White Sox.

What does that mean

to you guys?

Bad news for the White Sox!

Damn right.

Look alive out there.

Let's look alive.

I got it!

No, you don't!

It's over the fence!

Hey, punk!

I thought I...

I thought I told you

to quit hanging around!

Jumpin' catfish.

What a great arm!

Who is that kid?

Of course he's got a great arm.

He's the best athlete in the area.

But you don't understand.

- That's Kelly Leak.

- You guys talking about Kelly Leak?

- Yeah.

- That dude is a bad mother.

You're talking about a loan shark.

I borrowed a nickel from him.

Said if I didn't give him a dime

by Friday, he'd break my arm.

Don't know what he's talking about,

but I like him. He's got balls.

Why screw around? If the guy

can play ball, he can play ball.

Let's get him on the team.

Want to go again?

Anybody else?

Saw you throw the ball.

Got a great arm.

So-so.

We could use a good

outfielder on our team.

You call what you got a team?

What you got against

baseball anyway?

The baseball you guys play

is for faggots and old farts...

who don't have anything

better to do with themselves.

You must like

those kind of guys.

You sure hang around

the field often enough.

There's nice ass at the field.

That's why I hang around there.

- I hear you like to gamble.

- We go a dollar a game here.

Serve it.

I don't want

to play for money.

If I win, you play

baseball for the Bears.

- And if I win?

- Name it.

Well, how'd it go?

- I lost.

- What?

- You said you were good!

- I am good! He's just better!

That's the last time

I ever listen to you.

8:
00 Friday night.

- What's that?

- Nothing.

What's 8:
00 Friday night?

I lost, so I gotta go to the Rolling

Stones concert with the creep.

That's the most ridiculous

thing I ever heard of.

11 -year-old girls

don't go out on dates.

Of course they do.

They don't go out

with people like that.

You take the cake.

First you blow the game...

then you get roped into

a date with an ex-con.

You're like a chimney.

I'm sick of it.

Start the car, and let's go.

Probably lost on purpose.

You probably like the little baboon.

Blow it out your bunghole!

What if he tries something...

I'll handle it.

Rolling Stones.

Eleven years old.

I know an 11 -year-old girl

who's on the pill.

Don't ever say that word again.

Jesus, just who in the heck

do you think you are?

Your goddamn manager,

that's who.

Big wow.

Lupus, could you go somewhere else

while I'm eating?

You make me sick.

- Cripes.

- Lupus, man.

- How's it going?

- Give it!

What do you need it for?

You hardly ever play anyways.

Sit down.

We was only kidding anyways.

That looks neat, man.

We oughta do that to all the Bears.

They might play better.

Hey, Joey, you hungry?

You want my burrito?

I wouldn't eat your burrito

if you paid me to.

Go on, take it.

That's the best way to eat it.

I'm gonna kill you!

I'll knock your head down so far,

you'll have to take off your hat!

I'm gonna beat

the crud out of you!

I'll take on all

the Yankees after this!

I'm gonna kick your butt,

you little sh*t!

You owe me 30 cents

for that burrito!

You little sh*t.

That's one Bear down,

11 to go.

Come to think of it,

they ain't worth it.

Thanks. Nobody ever

stuck up for me before.

If you wiped your nose

once in a while...

people wouldn't give you

so much crud all the time.

How many times you got to be told

to quit hanging around here?

I'm just sitting here.

This field is for ballplayers,

not for juvenile delinquents.

I can play baseball better

than anybody in this league.

It's a shame we're never

going to find that out.

Because nobody here wants

to have anything to do with you.

Now get the hell out of here.

Come on, get out of here!

Something I forgot to tell you.

It's a league rule.

Cups and supporters.

Gotta be worn at all times.

- They're very uncomfortable.

- You wear them or you don't play.

Can we stop this already?

We got another hour of practice.

- What are you saying?

- I've brushed up on my Spanish.

I think he's saying something about

his being a Catholic and it's a sin.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

- It's not a gas mask.

- I know what it is.

This is a free country.

Let's be democratic and take a vote.

- There'll be no vote, Engelberg.

- What about Amanda?

You ain't strapping

one of these on me.

If she don't wear one,

I don't wear one.

Anyway, it's too small.

If she doesn't wear one,

neither do I.

- What are you doing here?

- Some a**hole changed my mind.

A little harder, huh?

Who's this turkey think he is,

Mickey Mantle?

Rifle one.

They win one lousy game,

next thing you know...

they'll sue for the right

to play in Dodger Stadium.

Engelberg, did you

take my hamburger?

Hey, would you shut up?

Right on my punch line.

I pledge allegiance to the flag...

of the United States of America...

and to the republic

for which it stands...

one nation,

under God, indivisible...

with liberty and justice for all.

- I just get an eight count here.

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