The Badger Game Page #2

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Um, can you get out

of here, please?

You're a good man.

Ow. F***.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Aw, did you get

a paper cut, honey?

You ever see what blood does

to a Valentino suit?

Well, you should be

more careful.

Careful.

- I don't do careful.

- Oh, no?

No.

Mmm.

You ever see what

blood does to silk?

Hey, honey.

Yeah, I'm sorry it's late.

Um, I just wanted to call you

before it got too late.

Sales meeting went well.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but Hal wants me to take Mr.

Namoto...

and his staff out for drinks.

So it could be a late night.

But you know Asians

and their strip clubs.

Well, um...

I'm sorry.

Sorry, um... no.

No.

You know, what?

Um... I wouldn't wait up.

I love you.

Bye.

And I see this kid, who...

couldn't have been

any more than 13,

and he's being trampled

by this herd of charging bulls.

I couldn't tell if he was

dead or if he was alive,

um...

but all of a sudden,

I... I turn

and I run.

And I grab him

and I pulled him to safety.

That's incredible.

That's Pamplona.

Spain.

That's really...

that's an amazing story.

Oh, yeah.

Got a few.

Yeah, well...

Oh, my. Oh, my.

What did you do?

Here, let me help you with that.

Thank you.

So, um, tell me about yourself.

I feel like I've

just been going on.

Well, uh,

I've never saved any children

from a stampede before.

Uh, I did chase a raccoon

out of my backyard once.

- Oh...

- No, really, what do you want to know?

What I want to know

is why a pretty girl

is sitting all

by herself at a bar.

And you're obviously

not waiting for anyone.

How do you know that?

Because your back

is to the door.

And you don't have

wandering eyes.

Well...

maybe you're just

that interesting.

Maybe.

Or maybe

you have been

waiting for someone...

and that someone

is already here.

Bartender, can we

have another, please?

Please. Thank you.

You know, I gotta tell you,

I'm a sucker for a girl

in polka dots.

Nobody ever wears them.

Well, I guess I picked

the right thing, then.

I guess.

It's, uh...

it's like you were sent here.

By who?

By... my...

guardian angel.

Guilty.

You tell her

next time you see her,

- I said thanks.

- I will.

The next time I see her,

I will tell her.

Listen,

would you like to

go somewhere

a little more quiet?

Yeah.

Oh, man. Um, hey,

we should take my car.

Oh, no, you know what?

You've had too much to drink.

- Why don't I drive?

- Oh, I could say the same about you.

Don't worry.

I'll get you back

in time for school.

Come on.

What the... Sh*t.

I only drive one speed

and that speed is fast,

so I hope you don't mind.

Uh, you know what?

I left something in my car.

- I gotta go get it.

- Where did you park?

Over there.

You wanna come?

I'll drive, hmm?

So I was...

Surprise, motherf***er!

Ow! F***! F***!

Come on, go to sleep!

Go to sleep! Hey, hey, hey.

Sleep, sleep, sleep.

There we go.

Don't see that every day.

Whoo!

Happy New Year.

Oh, man, I cannot believe

we got away with that.

I totally thought

that we were f***ed.

Did anyone see you?

Jesus, thankfully, no.

I mean, we were right in front of the bar,

though, people were coming and going.

We had to pull the car

around the back.

The whole thing was

completely screwed up.

I hope you didn't leave

any fingerprints.

What do I look like, an amateur?

Come on, here.

- Jane I don't drink.

- But you're a stripper.

So?

Don't you have to drink

to do that for a living?

Some girls do, yeah.

But not you.

Oh, well, more for us.

Got a long night ahead of you.

It's champagne,

it's not whiskey, Mom.

You really came through

on this, Shelly.

Was it as hard as you thought?

No.

He approached me

just like Alex said he would.

That's Liam's problem.

He's so f***ing predictable.

Did he at least behave himself?

Yeah.

A true gentleman.

Look, I don't get what the deal

is with this guy anyway.

- Right?

- It's a gift, Kip.

Don't be jealous

'cause you don't have it.

Oh, please.

I got a gift...

See, Liam wouldn't

say something like that.

- Well, f*** Liam.

- I have.

- Showtime.

- Finally.

You're the one

who overdosed him.

He was drunk.

I was never drunk

when you tested it on me.

Maybe... maybe alcohol

adds time or something.

I don't know.

Here. Champagne.

Drink up.

- You guys ready?

- Yeah.

Shelly, you are the rabbit.

Because you're cute and timid

like a shy little bunny.

I thought I was the rabbit.

You? No.

Ha! You're the frog.

Dick.

Don't worry,

the worst part is over.

You guys ready to go?

Ribbit.

Hello, sunshine.

Sorry for all the, uh,

theatrics.

Just an average garage,

but I imagine

under your circumstances,

a little bit like

a torture chamber, no?

What's it they always say?

"They seemed like

such a nice family.

Such a happy family."

But just like,

well, every family

that looks like a

motherfucking greeting card,

you know better

than anybody else.

Bit of a ladies man.

Bit of a natural, huh?

Me, I gotta work at it,

myself, but...

Great resume, too.

Vice president... vice president

of Masters and Higgins.

The ever-growing

advertising company.

Pretty prosperous career,

which I would assume,

without your father-in-law,

wouldn't be true.

Won't be true if pictures like these

happen to wind up in his hands.

Here's the plan, Liam.

Tomorrow morning, 7:00,

I'm gonna hand you two things.

A cell phone

and a bank account number.

You're gonna call your bank

and you're gonna

transfer every dollar

from your savings

into that account.

And if this doesn't go

exactly according to plan,

then your wife, neighbors,

friends, children,

get a bird's-eye view

of who you really are.

We don't want that, do we, Liam?

Tape off.

Ah, f***!

- Who are you?

- Oh, we're bill collectors,

and you're overdue.

Look, I'm going to be

totally honest with you,

you're wasting your time

with this.

My money...

it's all tied up in stocks.

It would take me weeks

to pull it together.

Mm, then you work quick.

Because as of two days ago,

this is the sum total

of what was in

your bank account.

There's no use

lying to us, Liam.

You're tied to

a f***ing chair, man.

You're in the middle of nowhere.

We've been in your trash,

in your car, in your house.

We know who you are.

You've been in my house?

Oh, stop it.

Your wife and children

weren't home.

Look...

you want me to make

a reasonable withdrawal,

we can drive down to my bank...

Liam, you're not listening.

Do you see any lawyers present?

This is not a negotiation,

my friend.

All right, all right.

Tape him back up.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Go ahead and show

my wife the pictures.

To be honest,

you'd be doing me a favor.

Save me the hassle of

having to tell her myself.

I've been wanting a divorce

for a long time anyway.

So you know what? Go ahead.

F*** you!

F*** you, f*** you,

and f*** you!

I didn't work my ass off

for the past eight years

so I could fork over all my money to a

bunch of degenerates wearing silly masks!

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