The Barbarian Invasions Page #3

someone should find

a laptop somewhere...

We'll ask around,

but l can't guarantee anything.

ln case.

Right, in case. We'll check.

Thanks, l appreciate it.

My pleasure.

Yes, speaking.

Of course l remember you,

Sbastien.

How are you?

Yes, it's been a long time.

He's very sick.

And he's all alone,

except for my mother.

l knew he was in hospital,

but l didn't realize...

l almost never come

to Montreal, so...

ls he still in hospital?

Pierre, l need you, now.

School's starting, we haven't found

a daycare, the kids are sick...

That's life. Always the same.

Yes. Yes--

l'll try to get a flight.

You say that

because times are so terrible.

Not especially terrible.

Not at all.

Contrary to belief,

the 20th century wasn't that bloody.

lt's agreed that wars

caused 1 00 million deaths.

Add 1 0 million

for the Russian gulags.

The Chinese camps,

we'll never know, but say 20 million.

So 1 30, 1 35 million dead.

Not all that impressive.

ln the 1 6th century,

the Spanish and Portuguese managed,

without gas chambers or bombs,

to slaughter 1 50 million lndians

in Latin America.

With axes!

That's a lot of work, Sister.

Even if they had Church support,

it was an achievement.

So much so that the Dutch,

English, French and later Americans

followed their lead

and butchered another 50 million.

The greatest massacre in history

took place right here.

And not the tiniest

Holocaust museum.

The history of mankind

is a history of horrors!

They had a trial program with heroin.

See if it still exists.

Heroin's 800% more effective

than morphine.

lt makes a huge difference.

OK, thanks.

Get some rest.

l will. Good night.

- When did they move you?

- This morning.

lt's wonderful.

And that's not all. Sbastien's

putting in a kitchenette.

- What a prince.

- That's it, complain.

- Hello, Sister.

- Look at this!

Are you pals with the Premier,

or a hockey star?

- His son takes care of him.

- l know.

And Dumbo won't thank him.

My son is an ambitious

and puritanical capitalist.

Whereas l was always

a sensual socialist.

Sensual isn't half of it, Sister.

- Lewd! Bestial!

- Debauched! Lascivious!

Perverse!

How are you, you lusty sinner?

Better!

Ah...

- Give me a kiss, you randy snake!

- You're back?

- Yesterday.

And Alaska?

Lovely and cold, like me!

You see, Sister?

My exquisite daughter-in-law,

my heroic wife,

and two most charming mistresses.

l can die in peace.

You'll burn

in the flames of hell.

And l won't be alone.

They're safe,

but given the depravity of these two,

they'll roast alongside me.

Whereas you'll play the harp

on a cloud

for eternity, seated between

John Paul ll, a surly Pole,

and Mother Teresa,

a slimy Albanian.

His illness has affected his brain.

No, it's an ethnological truth,

Louise.

Albanians are often slimy

and Poles are always surly.

"For the misfortunes of Poland..."

...are proof of God's existence!"

Hello.

l'd like to meet someone,

a police officer or detective

on the narcotics squad.

Have a seat.

l don't believe it!

Come stai, you big pig?

What are you doing here,

old queer?

This is Alessandro.

We've heard all about you.

Hello.

Gilles Levac.

My partner, Kim Delgado.

A pleasure.

This way.

Have a seat.

Thanks.

My father's hospitalized here

in Montreal.

He gets rotten care, of course,

and he's in pain.

A doctor friend suggested

l get him some heroin.

l know little about drugs.

As a student l smoked pot.

Drugs are sold in every city,

and the police know where.

l hoped, perhaps naively,

you could recommend

some spots where l can find

high-quality heroin.

That's fascinating,

except that...

our job is to arrest dealers,

not help prospective buyers.

Think of me as a smart guy

trying to save time.

Think of me as someone

not too dumb

who doesn't want

to read a headline:

"Police Help Our Journalist

to Buy Narcotics."

l'm no--

She and l don't want to end our days

directing traffic in Chibougamau.

l swear l'm not a reporter.

Why should l believe you?

l'm a market operator

with MacDougall Deutsch.

lt's easy to check.

lt's easy to print phoney cards.

Sorry to disturb you.

Madame.

l'll have to try the discos.

Or go straight to the bikers.

You wouldn't have their number,

by any chance?

No?

We're not staying long, all right?

We have to get to Costco's by 6:00,

and Mom's expecting us at 5:30.

- Yes, all right.

- l don't want to be the heavy.

- No, no.

Look, the Citrouillard family!

Claude, l don't believe it!

How are you?

FYl, bikers are boneheads

who sell bonehead drugs

to other boneheads.

They don't touch heroin.

Heroin used to be for the rich.

Now prices have dropped,

and that's changed.

But traditionally

it's the drug of musicians,

and poets...

You mean, ask my friends?

l don't mean anything.

l'm repeating rumours

circulated in the media.

What exactly do you do?

My dear, l'm the director

of the Canadian University

lnstitute of Rome.

Oh. Hmm.

What exactly does it do,

the Canadian Cultural Centre of Rome?

ln fact, we're a leading cultural agency

that assists Canadian

university students in Rome.

And how many Canadian

university students are there in Rome?

ln fact, a few.

Why do you ask?

- Well...

To know how our taxes

are being squandered.

We're a very modest operation.

Naturally the director

requires paid housing...

...where you're always welcome,

of course.

You haven't been hit by cutbacks?

- Quite impossible.

- Ah.

The lnstitute is buried

in the budgetary quagmire

of Foreign Affairs.

The Minister himself

has no inkling we exist.

Who should l have slept with

to get that job?

l'm afraid that the people l slept with

would've been blind to your charms,

however abundant they are.

Abundance has its fans, dearie.

Not in Foreign Affairs.

This it?

Someone found it somewhere?

That's it.

l have to get heroin for him.

l need someone with contacts.

l've been away too long.

The only powder l sniff now

is Baby's Own.

l could try to ask my daughter.

Remember Nathalie?

Yes, a little.

l can't promise.

l rarely hear from her.

Hi, sweetheart.

lt's mom. lt's Diane.

l miss you, sweetheart.

Look,

remember Sbastien, Rmy's son?

You often played together as kids.

He wants to meet.

He needs some information.

So call whenever you like,

at any time.

lf you prefer not to talk to me,

l'll leave you his number.

We have to hit Costco before 6:00.

We need a shitload of diapers.

Children cost so much.

Why do people

in the Third World have so many?

- What a dumb thing to say.

Your poor students,

if you teach such crap!

Did you get that book

l mentioned?

Which one?

"lnner Healing"

by Swami Rapudanthra.

No, unfortunately not.

l'll bring it.

Your body's in your head.

lllness starts and ends in the head.

l keep telling Pierre that.

lt's certainly possible.

Well, we'll be going.

- See you soon.

- Bye.

Bye.

How old is she?

lt's not about age.

Her breasts outweigh her brain.

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