The Barbarian Invasions Page #4

- Cut it out.

- lt's true!

The quantity of blood they require

drains the brain.

lt's physiological.

No wisecracks.

She's given me two girls

who've transformed my life.

And a mere brush of her hand

makes me as hard as a bull.

Which you'll agree

is a godsend at our age.

Nathalie?

l didn't recognize you.

Come.

Thank you.

Do you work full-time?

What do you do?

Proofreader.

For a publishing company?

Boreal Press.

So your hours are flexible.

My proposal is that

l pay for your supplies,

as well as my father's,

plus a fee for your time.

Want brown or white?

l've no idea.

To smoke or shoot up?

l trust you.

You shouldn't.

Why not?

You should never trust a junkie.

They make a habit of lying.

lt's right there.

How much?

$500.

Thanks.

Hi.

- Hi.

lt's pretty chilly, huh?

That girl's innocent.

My dad knows her mom.

She's doing me a favour.

Arrest me, but forget her.

Arrest you?

- Think l'm a fool?

- Not at all.

You located Olivier in two days.

Nice going.

- Olivier?

- Yeah. The dealer.

Why not arrest him?

Want me to arrest everyone?

Look at that!

Recognize him?

- Who's he?

Michel Richer, the biologist.

You never bust suppliers?

All the time.

We work two, three years,

bust an lranian gang.

Everyone's happy.

And lraqis take their place.

Or the Lebanese, Turks, ltalians.

There's too much demand.

lt's an invasion.

What are you doing here?

l mean, now?

My job.

l see.

Keeping the peace.

The fish are biting

in Zampino's pond.

Time to go fishing.

What did you study?

Why do you ask?

Curious.

Criminology, minor in psych.

You?

Mathematics, minor in economics.

Take care.

You, too.

You don't remember me?

- No.

- l was close to your mom.

You mean you slept with her?

Not just that.

Were you married?

Yes.

The married ones

never stayed till morning.

l'd see them

if l woke up at night.

From a child's perspective,

it must seem sordid.

We called it...

sexual liberation.

What's that?

- Heroin.

- lt comes from opium, right?

lt's morphine mixed with chemicals.

Will you inject it?

We'll start by inhaling

and then see.

lt's incredible to--

Shh.

Be quiet now.

Try to concentrate.

The first time is the best.

lt's the one you long for.

lt's called...

'Morning.

Good morning!

lt smells.

Have you been smoking?

Not on your life.

l light a candle to meditate.

Where's your lV?

Dr. Lvesque had it removed.

Good morning, my doctoresses.

Take a deep breath.

Does it hurt here?

Oh, yes.

- And here, too?

- There too, yes.

- ls it unbearable?

- Goodness, no!

You're in high spirits.

Couldn't be higher!

How do you sleep?

Like a baby.

Then l won't prescribe painkillers.

Forget it!

That's wonderful.

l always say, the longer they stay lucid,

the better.

l plan to remain lucid till l die.

Wonderful, Mr. Parenteau.

Thanks so much, Dr. Dub.

l'm not Dr. Dub.

How fitting,

because l'm not Mr. Parenteau.

Who's he?

So it all started with Maria Goretti?

Exactly. The girl who said no!

Which one was Maria Goretti?

A Portuguese peasant.

Portuguese?

Santa Maria Goretti!

She was ltalian?

From Nettuno.

Portugal,

that's Fatima, the apparitions,

the Virgin, the shepherds.

The secret of Fatima.

Which only the Pope could hear.

Poor Canada, in 1 960.

Look, we believed it.

So they filmed the edifying life

of Maria Goretti.

Starring?

l've racked my brains.

lns Orsini.

Of course!

The immortal lns Orsini!

How could l forget?

l saw it at school in Padua

with the Jesuits.

Me, the Jesuits at Brbeuf.

Me, at the Chicoutimi seminary.

For the whole film,

the immortal lns Orsini

is covered from head to toe.

But at some point

they had to at least suggest

the abject nature

of the bestial desire

of the vile rapist.

So the exquisite Maria dips

her adorable toes into the ocean.

With a regal but modest gesture,

she lifts her skirt...

The thighs of lns Orsini!

Even l remember!

Oh, the rivers of sperm l spilled

dreaming of her thighs.

So that explains the rise

in the level of the St. Lawrence River.

Absolutely!

For years l'd fall asleep with a hard-on,

dreaming of lns Orsini,

until the day l saw

Franoise Hardy on TV singing

All the Boys and Girls.

l was suddenly indifferent

to lns's holy airs.

Maria Goretti, alone,

abandoned; the fate of womanhood.

For a long time l slept with Franoise Hardy.

We were very happy.

Alas, l discovered Julie Christie in a film.

Our mad affair lasted six months,

till l met Chris Evert,

the tennis champ,

whom l left for the sublime Karen Kain

dancing Carmen in Marseille.

All my life l went to bed

with the world's most gorgeous women.

Then one morning l awoke realizing

l'd fallen asleep

dreaming of the Caribbean.

l'd grown old.

Women had deserted my dreams.

lt's been so long

since l dreamed of a man.

Just what is it you do?

You're president

of a Norwegian oil firm.

You've bought a North Sea oil field

from a failing U.S. company.

You can produce oil for $7 per barrel,

and you sell for $25.

But you want to limit your exposure

to fluctuating oil prices. How?

No idea.

You see me, we do a swap.

What's that?

A deal where my bank

pays you a set price

and you pay the floating price.

You contract to sell your oil

at a set price

for a set period. ln short,

l manage your financial risk.

Are you good at what you do?

Pretty good.

Could you get the driver

to stop at the lake?

Probably.

l'd like to see it again.

At Berkeley, l did my PhD

alongside Locken and Donaldson,

two future Pulitzers.

They were no better than me,

but they were American.

Me, l came back here,

l started to teach,

got married, and then...

then nothing.

Your women kept you too busy.

That was small time, like you said.

No, what l lacked was extravagance.

Extravagance.

l went in for pathetic trysts

in poorly heated East End flats.

l was replaced by a TA within 48 hours.

The dean neglected to say goodbye.

The lowliest secretary

gets cake for maternity leave.

Ladies and gentlemen,

for health reasons

l'll be unable to complete this term.

Ms. Raphalle Metellus

will replace me.

Yes?

Does this affect our deadlines?

No, deadlines and exam dates

remain unchanged.

Any other questions?

Good luck.

Thanks.

So, as you saw last week,

the 1 840 election

was particularly stormy.

The Whig party...

then newly formed,

united four distinct constituencies.

First, the National Republicans,

followers of Adams and Clay,

the party founders.

They were rapidly joined

by the Conservatives,

who were hostile to...

Downstairs? Where downstairs?

Downstairs. Take the stairs and go down.

Simple enough.

He's got the whole floor to himself.

You can't miss him.

- To himself?

- We have to take the stairs

every time he needs something.

You think l enjoy that?

Plus everyone smokes in his room.

A never-ending parade of women...

lt's chaos. Get out of my way!

Hi. Bye.

- How old is that one?

- Who?

- The girl that just left.

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