The Barefoot Executive Page #6

Yes, he's a man who's

going right to the top.

The very top, indeed.

Francis.

Excuse us, girls.

We gotta do something about that boy.

We've built a Frankenstein.

- We have. He's already got my job.

- But now it's getting serious.

- Now it's getting serious?

- How does the boy do it?

I don't know how.

I just know he's not smart enough

to do it on his own.

- What have you done about it?

- What should I do?

- I'm in cultural relations.

- The basics, man. The basics.

Have you searched his office,

grilled his secretary,

tapped his phone,

had him followed?

No. Wouldn't that be unethical?

Unethical?

Get with it, Wilbanks.

It's a desperate situation.

It requires desperate means.

Find out how that boy is doing it!

Hasta la vista,

Senor Post.

Hasta, hasta.

Hello in there.

Can you hear me?

Are you a prisoner?

Knock twice

if you can hear me.

Thank heaven.

I'm a friend.

I beg your pardon?

He sounds gagged!

That dirty, ruthless...

Hey, I'm back!

Oh!

Okay, okay!

Okay! Don't go wild!

Hey, take it easy.

Wait a minute. Not the ballet.

That'll wreck your taste for sure.

You're supposed

to pick the top-rated shows.

You got that finger of yours

on the heartbeat of America.

Don't louse it up!

I'll put on some coffee, then we'll

take a look at those new pilots.

You want some pizza

tonight? I got two kinds.

Plain and with pepperoni.

You want the pepperoni?

Okay, you get the plain one.

Okay, it's ready!

All right. Showtime.

Now, one of these days, I'm

gonna show you how to thread this thing.

I keep forgetting that.

It'd sure be great if you

could pick another Devil Dan.

Who was in the room?

That's what I wanna know.

Well, first of all,

there were three television sets

in front of three chairs.

- Three sets?

- Yeah, and a projector and a screen.

Then there was this tree with

a whole bunch of bananas on it.

Bananas? Ba...

That could be it.

- Bananas could be brain food.

- Oh, yeah. They are.

Jen, get me Dr. Schmidt

in Research on the phone.

- I'm sure he's gone home.

- I know he's gone home.

Get him on the phone.

He's probably got...

- What is it, Roger?

- It's not bananas.

It's that phantom roommate

he keeps locked up.

I looked everywhere,

but I couldn't see him.

They were talking,

but I couldn't see him.

Well, let's get down to basics.

Tell me what you did see,

and don't tell me about the

thing around your leg again.

It was weird.

Whoever it was was wearing

a little red cap

with a blue bon-bon

on the top.

- It was just gliding along.

- Hello? Hello?

There were empty

banana skins everywhere.

And then, this hairy arm

grabbed me right in the closet.

It was hideous. There

was no head, no body, no feet.

- Hello?

- Just a hairy arm.

Jen, what are you doing?

- Excuse me.

- Dr. Schmidt, Francis Wilbanks.

Uh, tell me, doctor,

are bananas brain food?

Bananas? Brain food?

Well, I couldn't say for sure,

but I do recall a certain tribe in New

Guinea who subscribed to the theory

that bananas were indeed, a brain food.

- Oh, hi, Jen.

- Hello, Vasco da Gama.

- What?

- Oh, you know.

He was the one who

discovered the West Indies.

He was a discoverer. Discoverers

are just as important as inventors.

Like the mad scientist who keeps

his assistant locked in the basement.

I didn't say anything

about a scientist.

- I want my chimp.

- What?

I know, Steve.

They never listened to me, Jen.

They wouldn't have for a million years!

Steve, open this door.

I didn't even have a car.

I had a motorcycle.

Now I got a DeTomaso Mangusta.

A brand-new DeTomaso Mangusta.

I mean it, Steve.

Now, you open that door!

Uh... Look, Jen.

I did it for you.

I mean, why would you ever

want to marry a mail boy?

I kidded myself, but that's

all I knew I'd ever be.

You never said you

wanted to marry me.

Well, uh...

That's because I was a mail boy.

I mean, uh,

I didn't even have a car.

Just a motorcycle.

I told you before, there's nothing

the matter with a motorcycle.

Uh, I guess he

recognized your voice.

I'm kinda glad you...

you found out. I...

I was trying to figure out

a way to tell you.

You see, Jen, it is working.

He is happy.

Look, we could have it all.

I'm not hurting anybody, either.

I guess you've been

treating him pretty good.

Why don't, um...

Why don't we just

keep it in the family?

Okay, he can stay.

But remember,

I get visitation rights.

Yeah.

Hey, Steve.

Hey, you're looking really sharp.

- New job.

- Yeah.

What happened to that chimp

you used to bring around?

Not so loud. Not around here.

Yeah? I mean, he sure

liked Devil Dan, didn't he?

I mean, I've never seen

anything like it. He just...

The manager said room 1123

is directly across

from Post's apartment.

- Now we'll see.

- Oh, see what?

I can understand

your skepticism, Uncle.

This has been a gigantic puzzle,

but I put the pieces together,

and they all fit.

Oh, fit, my foot.

This is ridiculous.

I didn't believe

a mail boy could do it.

I'm not gonna believe a chimp can do it.

- It's a wild goose chase.

- You mean, wild monkey chase.

It's not funny.

- Stop that simple laughing.

- Sorry, boss.

I don't like this.

I don't like it at all.

There must be something criminal.

Oh, Uncle, we're not

doing anything criminal.

Then why do I feel

like a peeping Tom?

Okay. Look.

Well, so what? It's just

that mail boy sitting there

all by himself, looking at TV.

Look. Quick, quick! Look.

Good heavens.

I think we finally

may be getting somewhere.

Here! See what I mean?

See what I...

Yes, I do.

He's watching Smuggler's Gold.

That's the number one-rated show.

That's what I've been trying to tell

you. The chimp is picking the shows.

Well, we can't really tell. He might

not even know what he's looking at.

Oh, a commercial break.

Wilbanks, he knows!

He really knows. He got

a beer during the commercial.

Proof positive.

Oh, that's a sure

sign if I've ever seen one.

Wilbanks, get that chimp.

- What are we doing here?

- Just follow me.

I didn't get where I am without

planning ahead. Come on.

Hey, boss, don't ya think

it'd be better if I stayed here

- and cut people off at the pass?

- Cut them off at the pass?

You don't want people

bothering you out on the ledge.

Will you stop that

silly talk and come on?

But, boss, I...

I get sick when I look down.

Well, then look up.

I have the same problem

when I look up.

Get prepared to be sick.

I can't handle that chimp by myself.

But, boss...

Will you stop

that simple wheezing?

I can't help it. This always

happens to me at high altitudes.

You're only 200 feet up.

Let go of me.

Ohhhhh!

I told you to stay with me.

A- ha! Hello, little fella.

Let's go for a walk, huh?

That's a good fella.

That's the worst experience

I ever had.

Yeah. The door, the door. Come on.

Boss, the door is locked.

Uh... Well, of course it's locked.

You don't expect him

to leave it open

with a valuable chimp

like that in here, do you?

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