The Barefoot Executive Page #7

We're not going

out there again, are we?

Why not? The chimp isn't afraid.

He's used to swinging

around in high places.

Come on!

Oh, no! Now you

did it with that wheezing.

- You scared the chimp.

- Sorry, boss.

Sorry doesn't feed the bulldog.

Where'd he go?

- There he is.

- Where?

Boss, help!

Stop wheezing!

What are you doing?

Wait! Ow!

Help! Oh!

Not the tie, not the tie!

Ah! Get the...

Oh, get the... Oh! Oh.

Oh, just watch it. Oh.

Now, don't touch me.

Just don't touch me.

Yes, boss.

I can't understand

what happened to your car.

I guess they had

to gas it up or something.

- That's okay. I'm in no hurry.

- I better check.

How did you get down here?

Oh, no.

What do we do now?

Now don't panic.

We'll just crawl back

in the kid's room.

He's bound to have a phone and we'll

call somebody and have them get us.

Oh, I left that darn window

open too far.

No more open window for you.

I'll see you later.

How'd he get back in there?

How would I know?

This is locked too.

What do we do?

Well, maybe he can unlock it.

He seems able

to do everything else.

For the last time,

will you stop that wheezing?

Little fella?

Turn the handle.

You're gonna love it.

That's it. Yes.

There you go. Yes. Yes.

- You're not gonna start that?

- I can't help it, boss.

We don't have to stand up again?

Of course we have to stand up!

Get up! Get up!

Maybe we can attract some attention,

help get off of this thing.

Boss, this is awful.

Stop hiccupping! First you

wheeze and then you hiccup!

I can't help it.

I hiccup when I get nervous.

Stop it! I can't stand it!

Don't you understand that?

- Just try holding your breath.

- That never works with me.

Maybe if you get me a glass

of water. That sometimes helps.

All right. I'll get...

How can I get you a glass of water?

I can't...

Come on! Glass of water.

It's an ambulance, police cars.

Well, you wanted

to attract attention.

Oh, here we go again.

K-7, this is 10-Sugar-Charlie.

Come in.

We're here. The report checks out.

We got a couple of nuts

trying to commit suicide.

Give me that thing.

All right, now, just...

just take it easy up there.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Above all, don't jump.

He thinks we're gonna jump.

No, we're not going to jump!

Hey, boss,

I'm losing my buttons.

We almost lost one that time.

This is gonna be a tough one, Vince.

Here, take this outta the way.

Take it over to the truck.

Bring them in.

Bring them on in.

Hey, the fire engines

are stopping here.

Do you smell smoke?

No, I don't smell smoke.

The building isn't on fire.

Stop the wheezing, will you?

Please stop! First you wheeze,

then hiccup, then wheeze again!

You're enough to

drive anybody nuts!

- Oh, I am, am I?

- Yes!

Well, you're my boss.

Maybe I shouldn't say this,

but you've been complaining

ever since we've been up here.

If you don't like the way

I wheeze and hiccup,

why don't you go find

your own ledge to stand on?

What?

Maybe they're coming

to rescue us.

They're not coming to rescue us.

That's our news helicopter.

Our own network

is taking pictures of us?

That's exactly what I mean.

We interrupt to bring you

a newscast of a suicide try

on Wilshire Boulevard in Los ngeles.

Oh, isn't it sad how many nuts

are running around loose today?

It certainly is, sweetheart.

Our special UBC helicopter

enables us to bring you

an exclusive close-up view

of the pair attempting suicide.

These pictures,

live from the scene.

There you are.

Another first for UBC.

Oh, no!

Oh, now I've had experience

of this type of thing before.

Anything can make them

panicky and jump.

May I have the mike, please?

Now, gentlemen, remain calm.

No problem can't be solved.

Will you listen to me,

gentlemen, now? I repeat:

There is no problem

that cannot be solved.

- What'd he say?

- I don't know.

Sounds like some kind

of a foreign language.

Now, it must be very cold up there.

Why don't you go in

and get some coffee?

It's Father O'Leary

from St. Timothy's.

What's he doing here?

He probably came over

to talk us out of suicide.

He can talk me out of it real easy.

Now hang on, men.

- Hang on for one more minute.

- The life net's ready now.

Oh, good. Very good.

Come with me, Vince.

Oh, I'm ruined. I'm ruined!

What's Crampton gonna say?

You lame brain.

You thick-skulled, pin-headed,

dim-witted bumbler!

- Hey, boss, look. A net.

- Huh?

You don't suppose

they expect us to jump?

No, that's probably

just there for safety.

If Father O'Leary gets up here,

I'm gonna have him

sneak me out the back way.

I helped him with

his bazaar last year.

Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Stop right

where you are. Don't move!

- Father O'Leary!

- Where?

I wanted

to go out the back way!

Over that way!

That's it.

Ease it over here.

Why would he try

to commit suicide?

Get the chimp!

Get the chimp! It's not bananas!

It's not bananas,

it's the chimp!

He picks the shows, believe me.

He knows. It's the chimp.

Bananas don't have anything

to do with it. Get the chimp.

It's the chimp.

He's the one. Help! Help!

There was a chimp,

came down the building before

they discovered those guys up there.

It belonged to Steven Post.

Steven Post?

The TV wonder boy?

- There's the other one.

- This one was out with him.

What were

you doing up there?

I was walking along on the tenth floor

and I seen

this nut out on the ledge.

So I went out there to try

to talk him out of jumping.

- Then this window got stuck...

- Wait a minute.

You didn't happen to see him.

You work for Wilbanks.

- Everyone knows that. Come on.

- Talk him out of jumping?

Please, what are you

talking about?

All right!

Hold it! Hold it!

Look. We're gonna arrive

at the truth of this thing,

so you might as well tell us now.

Well, my boss wanted me to

help him get this kid's chimp.

The chimp belongs to Steven Post?

What'd he want him for?

Come on! Out with it!

Well, it sounds kinda crazy but,

my boss thinks the chimp

can pick the best TV shows.

Pretty funny, huh?

- Excuse me!

- Yeah, what?

This story about a chimp

selecting our TV shows.

- What about it?

- Well, do you believe it?

Of course, I believe it.

I knew it all the time.

Uh, madam?

What do you think of the rumor

of a chimp selecting our TV shows?

A chimp picking TV shows?

Ridiculous.

Well, you know

how those rumors get started.

- I know I...

- Wait a minute!

Those stations have been switching and

canceling my favorite shows for years.

Maybe a chimp

is behind this mess.

- Oh, no.

- It's a plot.

- You're all in on it.

- We have nothing...

I am so sick and tired

of liking a show

and having it pulled off

the air or put in another time.

- Madam...

- It drives you crazy.

I'm getting to the point, I'd like to

take the TV and throw it out the window.

The last show I liked,

they took off the air.

The minute I got to like it, off the

air. How do I know what happened?

I don't know what happened to John.

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